Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Dating

As most of you are aware, I may have a little experience with dating. I joke that I'm an excellent first dater, but I really do believe it's true. It's all the rest that come after that where I have difficulty! But this blog isn't about my dating.

My son turned 13 earlier this year. Tomorrow he will graduate from 7th grade and officially become an 8th grader. His school will be adjacent to the high school. Big League! I didn't have my first "group" date or solo date until I was...fifteen.

This morning I was on FB and was updating my account with the new privacy website feature. Instead of having my son do his as well, I quickly logged on to his account to disable his as well.

I'm not the most meddling of mom's by any means. I trust him enough to do his homework. He's an all A student, so I have no reason not to. I don't have access to the school portal, I've only ever communicated by email with one of his teachers and that was in response to scheduling conferences. I'm very open with my son - numerous times we've had the "sex talk". I don't look through his book bag. I am however nervous now that he is thirteen about how he will fill his summer, sans daycare.

Last Friday night, the neighbor had a handful of girls staying the night. My son was shooting hoops and the harem of girls came over to play and talk. He then went to the park and two neighbor boys joined in the group. He came in the house at 11p.m. I was just about to call him in, but I was actually pretty excited about him actually engaging with kids around the neighborhood without my prodding! He had to be up at 7:15a.m. for a baseball game, so I was letting him deal with the ramifications of his actions. After the game, he napped for two hours, he was so exhausted!

On FB, he became friends with RUR's daughter. When he first joined he asked if he should. Since RUR and I dated briefly, the kids did meet, but they didn't really know each other as they attend different schools. Until the fall that is...on several occasions, they will be on FB chat. I don't ask questions. If he wants to talk about anything, he always can.

So this morning, I looked in his inbox of messages. There were some emails with someone, that I believe is a female, but I didn't actually verify it. Both first and middle names are neutral names that can go either way. The conversation was initiated by the other person with the topic being RUR's daughter, Friday and the beach. My son commented that he has never dated and his dad never lets him have anyone over (although he could say that about his mom too - although I WANT him to have people over, he chooses not to. Maybe that has something to do with his "LIKE"ing "My mom is crazy" on FB, or maybe not!). He went on in another response to say that his mom and her dad dated and that may be weird, but he doesn't care. So I have no idea if he doesn't care about liking her, doesn't care that their parents dated, doesn't care about what?

How does one handle this? RUR and I still occasionally talk. I'm struggling with whether or not to bring it up to my son which would then acknowledge I was on his FB page or to contact RUR to get his take. But then again, I don't want to meddle, but I also think she's a good kid and has good parents, so why not offer to make it easier - drop off here or there, rather than them doing something without parental awareness? Is that enabling?

When is he going to be 18, graduated and out of the house? Kids dating...the do's and don'ts...any advice?

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Pictures & Dating

There have been very few times that I've actually enjoyed looking at the picture of someone I'm dating. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that I find the person I'm dating to be ugly, I just don't have the need to stare at someone's picture. Granted, I have, but never really stared at someone's picture that I have never met.

Before I just met someone, he admitted that he stared at my picture for 30 minutes. That creeped me out! He was just amazed at how beautiful I am. Creeped me out, again.

There are two people, neither of course that I am dating, that I do like their pictures. Something about seeing them, seeing their smile, knowing who they are, makes me smile. I suppose, if I was creepy, I could find myself staring at their pictures for 30 minutes, but I don't. I met them, we went out and it didn't work. Is what it is. I'm not creepy, I'm not stalkerish, some people just take better pictures or maybe some, we just have a better connection.

The dating site seems to be more of a joke. I am getting burned out, very quickly, which is more than typical for me. I was called shallow twice yesterday. One by the creepy picture guy that when we met, he stood 5'9" (instead of his reported 5'11") and was about 300 lbs. (instead of his"average" larger strong frame he reported). So while we had shared good communication via email, looks do matter. There has to be chemistry and physical attraction. If that makes me shallow, so be it. I am shallow. Ironic thing though, I may be shallow, but he pursued me because of a picture, did he not?

Then there was another that messaged me. He is 6'5" and "thin" but states he is missing his four front teeth. I responded to his message and we chatted for a few minutes. He told me everyone is a liar online so I inquired about his teeth. A good smile is HUGE for me - it says so many things about a person. Even if a person has good teeth and they don't smile, I'm not interested in them either. I want someone that cares for himself and enjoys life and he easily smiles. I would never say, "You had me at hello." I would say, "You had me with your smile." It's true! So I inquired if he had a partial which I was corrected that it is called a "flipper" and that his had broken. I messaged him that a smile is important to me. He said, "wow. I hope you find a guy with a great smile that will cheat on you with your best friend or sister." Ok then. Glad that his first message to me was, "Hey cutie, you are cute." So I'm suppose to think that a man without four front teeth is cute?

Apparently YES, I AM THAT SHALLOW.

Baseball Update

A quick update on baseball...still in the full swing of baseball. Recently went to the Whitecaps with the Little League - which I have been going to for years and somehow wasn't asked if I wanted to buy tickets. Coincidental?

Coach felt so bad that he forgot to ask me, he gave me a free ticket. I'm feeling very odd about all the extras that I am getting from the coach. He recently gave me a $50 gift certificate to my favorite restaurant for keeping the books. Every game he comments, "You don't get paid enough for doing this!" I feel weird about it all. I wanted to give the certificate back. Granted every game there has been some issue about the score, substitutions or something else, but that's besides the point! One of the games I was even out on the field with the coaches and ump about an illegal pitcher substitution. I had no idea it was illegal, but I could verify how many innings/outs a player was in the field. Apparently, this was discussed by some of the parents at the Whitecaps game - how one "woman scorekeeper was on the field!"

I do take my responsibilities very seriously. Can I say...Scorpio?

Last week the coach asked if I would be willing to chaperone three of the boys for a weekend baseball tournament. Me? I emailed him back and asked if a "dad" wouldn't be a better option. I asked T and he is fine with it and so I said I would, but a hotel room with three teenage boys? Going to be good times...good times! What in the world am I thinking?

Licensing Update

One of the last times I blogged, I discussed pursuing becoming a foster parent. I'm one foot in the process and continuing. I had my Orientation a few weeks ago and due to my own job, there are certain training requirements that I'm exempt because, I've already done them!


My Orientation was "non-conventional" and I was drilled hard by the Licenser, also a very close associate. He took advantage of his authority over me and pushed me harder than was appropriate. When I left the office I wondered whether or not it would be better to have the younger licenser that I do not know on a personal level license me. It was out of my hands. Fortunately (I think) she was assigned my case/home. Unfortunately, she is intimidated by me and the fact that I know more about licensing than she does. I'm doing my best to wear a different hat, I really am!


One of the rules of being a foster parent includes that you cannot utilize a basement for anything other than laundry and storage if you do not have two means of egress. I do not. I have nine glass block windows in my basement, which is approximately 1400 sq. feet. We recently changed around the basement den to include T's 42" television, the other television - strictly for the Nintendo 64), a love seat, a futon, a five-in one air couch conversion thingy, the computer, etc. The other room offers the ping pong table and air hockey table. In getting licensed, my son and I cannot use the basement without an egress! I will not get licensed without making the basement "legal". The licenser said that just "foster kids" couldn't be in the basement, she is wrong. I will not violate the rules. Somethings I really am black and white.

There is grant money to assist with egress windows. If I get approved. I recently had a second quote for an egress window and met with the first for a second time. Both quotes were approximately $4300. Amazing that my friends all feel that I could get one for $1500-$2000. Why such the vast difference? Due to my concrete house, steel framing, close nature to the neighbors driveway, trees, gas line, 8'6" ceilings, etc. the cost is what it is.

I also had one of the places give me a quote on putting in a small bathroom in the basement. I've always wanted a second bath. I want a shower not a tub for purposes of space and cost. A friend told me this is a 3/4 bath. What? Anyway...so for both the quote came in at $10,000. I actually thought that was reasonable. Why again am I not handy? Of course in putting in an egress window and a second bath, my taxes will definitely increase. I've been in my house for 11 years now. It has been a fabulous investment and a great home for us, even if I don't see the monetary return when I sell it.

It is just a big investment. License or not. I'm debating whether or not to just jump right in or get a third quote. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

As for the rest of the licensing process...I'm waiting on the doctor's offices to complete the medical statements and return them. My friends have all received the reference requests. I apparently still have 2.5 hours of training to complete - I'll have that done very soon. I still need to get a carbon monoxide detector and would like to pick up another twin bed. So making progress, just it's going much slower than I would like. I'm learning to deal with not being in control. It's a hard lesson.

Someone Elses Game Night

Those that know me, know that I love game night! I have a closet that holds at least fifty games, although unlike my shower curtains, I haven't actually counted them.

It's been a while since I've had a game night at my house. I love having them, I really do. But, I worry whether or not anyone would actually come. Every game night I've had, I usually have a dozen people or so and it's a great time by everyone. I mean seriously, how can you forget the laughs and the memories? Lately, I've been asked by at least six people when I'm going to have another game night. Soon? Maybe soon. But 'tis the season of summer and beaches and graduations and vacations and and and...

Last Sunday night I was invited by a "friend" to join him for game night at a friend of his. It was a little awkward in a way since the invite was rather out of the blue. This guy and I had met about two years ago at a singles mingle party from the dating site. We had both been at a few and we are the infamous FB friends. We grabbed lunch once last fall. I will not date him. He decided that he will be my "wing man". When I found myself all bruised up from the bike accident I called him immediately to cancel.

Since I was bruising immediately I had no idea how bad it would look the following evening. The phone connection was bad and he ended up calling back and leaving me a message. He sang, "You're so vain. You're so vain. You probably think this...", you get the idea. That was funny! Maybe I was, but these were also people I didn't know and I was going to look like a recent domestic violence victim! But I conceded and said that I would go.

I had a good time. I'm glad that I went. Acknowledging what had happened made it easier that no one had to whisper or wonder. Their game closet, which the husband said was stocked, was a pathetic attempt at games, comparatively speaking of course. Two ran out to get Guesstures while the rest of us, six hung out. I actually own Guesstures and think I've only played it...once.

I had a few Wild Blue beers and two shots with my partner, the owner of the home. I have to say, there is nothing more fun than making a fool of yourself trying to act out things for the purposes of a point, or two! Just imagine me on all four trying to get him to say cow...yeah and the silent mooing wasn't working either. Then I had squirt - if cow teets wasn't working, trying to squirt them REALLY wasn't working! Glad that I had never met these people before and likely won't see them again!

My friend dropped me back off at my car where we met for dinner, On the Border. He went home. I decided that I was too tired to drive the half hour home. For some reason exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't feel intoxicated, but I knew I couldn't drive home right then either. I decided to rest in the parking lot for a bit. My friend texted me to text him when I made it home. A dozen texts later, which mind you were very entertaining and it wasn't even the alcohol factor, I fell asleep. I woke at some point to find him standing next to my car! I followed him to his house a mile away and he showed me his couch in the basement that I quickly fell asleep!

I spent the next few days struggling with dizziness, nausea, blurred vision...I believe I had a mild concussion from the bike fall. Had I known that at the time, I wouldn't have drank anything at all the next night. Almost a week later, I have no more symptoms. My bruise on my chin is minimal and the scabs on my wrists are smaller but still present.

All in all, it was a lot of fun having game night at someone else's house and I'm glad that I went...bruise, scabs and concussion included!

Bike Bruise

I'm recovering. I'm healing.

Not from an addiction. Not from my blogging hiatus. Not from a relationship.

I am healing from my latest accident. By definition what is an accident?

The dictionary lists Accident - Noun:
1. a) An unexpected and undesirable event, especially one resulting in damage or harm: car accidents on icy roads.
b) An unforeseen incident: A series of happy accidents led to his promotion.
c) An instance of involuntary urination or defecation in one's clothing.
2. Lack of intention; chance: ran into an old friend by accident.
3. Logic A circumstance or attribute that is not essential to the nature of something.


Fortunately for me, my accident was not c).

Memorial Weekend, I put my bike rack on my bike and headed twenty-five miles or so to my good friend, AG's house to ride bikes. He had recently purchased a bike and we decided we would hit the trails. Mind you, I love AG and I try hard not to view him as my 6'5" baby bird that I'm nursing into 35 year old adulthood, but seriously this man has been sheltered. I realize it is not my job or duty to feel the motherly instinct of protector and teacher, but some roles are inherent. Also, AG doesn't drive due to a medical condition. Having said that...this is how a week later, I find myself still healing.

I threw AG's bike in my bike rack and we were off to find the "beginning of the trail" since AG didn't like where I wanted to start. So we went to a nearby park and were finally on our way. About a half mile into the ride on the bike path, AG inquired about "biker etiquette". I offered some suggestions and input about other bikers, walkers, etc. (apparently NOT enough). Shortly after that, we merged from the bike route into the road where we continued.

AG was slightly in front of me and to my right, so I was on his inside. I mentioned about not knowing that the park had a disc golf course (one of my summer faves!) at which point he turned his head back to the left to look at me while turning his bike to the left and then rode to the left. I even recall that he may have put on his brakes!

Seeing that I was not even a half bike distance behind him, I slammed on my brakes, turned my bike to the right away from him and smashed into the center of his back tire! (Yes, his NEW back tire) I couldn't brace for the impact and in slow motion (in my mind of course), I went down. I tried to brace my fall with my hands. I don't think I was successful.

I was able to yell his name in the instant that I found myself pummelling to the pavement. I managed to smash my chin directly into the concrete, hit my head - fortunately I wear a helmet - cut up my left wrist and got road rash on the top of my right knee and in the palms of both hands. The last time I recall falling off my bike, I was eight. I blogged about it here. That was a long time ago, and a lot of miles ago!

AG felt bad, I was humiliated. I laid on the ground and a couple walkers offered to call for medical assistance. Did I mention that I'm a Scorpio? So I got up, dusted myself all, irritation and all and got back on my bike. I checked my tires, they were fine. Of course I didn't realize my chain was off and my handle bars were inverted! AG righted me and then tried to grab my wrist to check the damage.

"Don't touch me!" I growled. Didn't he realize he had done enough? He offered that we stop the ride? Seriously, I just drove half an hour to ride...one mile? No way. No way in hell.

So throbbing and in pain, we rode ten miles. We stopped in a town so that I could use the outside faucet and clean out the dirt, grime and wash off the blood. Then we went and grabbed lunch. My chin already had a large goose egg and was beginning to bruise. We then rode the ten miles back. Other than the "accident" that AG swears he was just heading to the continuation of the bike path...sigh...the ride was decent.

Of course it wasn't until the next evening that I realized, I was also suffering from a slight concussion.

At this point, I'm not signing up to ride bikes with AG again. Afterall, a week of mockery of my bruised chin was enough for a while!

To Blog or Not To Blog

It's been almost a month since my last blog. A month! Every day (Likely a dozen times a day!) I contemplate whether or not I will post. I debate whether or not anything is write-worthy. You see, I am a Scorpio. So if I can't write well, why write at all?

So quickly approaching the month mark, I wondered if I would give up blogging completely. Not that I really debated the pros and cons of blogging, since I truly only blog for myself, not anyone elses personal enjoyment or ability to point fingers and mock me. And yet, here I find myself, again. A blog in the solace of, of what?

If a habit is formed after 21 days, then clearly I should have quit blogging. I would find myself elsewhere, passing time playing spades online and getting called nasty names on a dating site. Oh wait, that's what I've been doing in all the REST of my time! Good times, good times...