In a few days, I will leave the comforts and security of my home and town and go on vacation. I will be heading out to Summit County Colorado to ski.
I tuned my skis and I packed up my ski equipment. I will be flying out to Denver and will be picked up by a new friend to ski for the week. I met him online a few months ago for the sole purpose of him joining some friends and I in Colorado to share a condo in January. He seemed normal enough and I told him if he and anyone else wanted to join us, they could for the set amount of the week of the condo. He said that he was in and so was a friend of his.
A few weeks ago, he told me he was going out to Colorado for Christmas and he invited me to join him. I initially laughed at the idea, as did he. And within 24 hours, I utilized my free round trip airfare and am joining him on his adventure. At that point, I had only met him once. Since then, he and his female friend/roommate B have hung out with my friends and I several times. Other than the first time I met him, when I was later accompanied by a friend who joined us, I have never been alone with him. My friends all like him. I like him. He likes me.
He likes me for ME. He isn't in love with me. He doesn't want to date me. He doesn't covet me because I may have things that his ex doesn't have. He clearly enjoys my company and we have something in common, skiing.
He and B came over on Sunday night and picked up my skis and equipment. We talked for several hours before they left. B enlightened me that he is quite the extreme skier as he skis with a camel back, backpack and bungee cords. None of which I care to use. I prefer to live. I prefer to enjoy the groomed trails. I have no desire to meet my destiny with a tree. I have a son and I have a life which I love and would like to continue to live. I'm not about to bungee my skis to my back and hike up cliffs to extreme ski. I'm not going to find myself in areas where I will need to utilize water and snacks and other resources since I'm off the beaten path. I've told him that I can meet him at the bottom of the bunny hills! And, I'm really not joking. It's true that I've been skiing for 27 years. When I was a teenager I was much more extreme and adventurous, that was two knee surgeries and one child ago.
I have responsibilities. I have limits. In many ways I refuse to allow my limitations from holding me back from experiencing fun and living life; however, by no means will I throw caution to the wind and do something irresponsible and at risk. I am a mother first and foremost, whether he is with me or not. He can take any risk that he wants but I do not have to be part of all of them.
I do hope that we have a fabulous adventure. Of course I am nervous. Nervous to spend a week alone with someone that I barely know. Even spending a weekend with someone that I think I know has turned out badly. I can only hope that we not only tolerate each other but enjoy each other's company knowing that a friendship is growing and we hope to have many more adventures with each other. Maybe it's different with the expectations and drama that people have when there is nothing on the line. When there is nothing but two people with the same common goal - to go on vacation, to ski, to have fun and to enjoy someone else's company without the drama, trials and pitfall's of everyday life.
And with that, I'm figuratively jumping off the cliff and hoping to land into soft powder that will cushion my fall, freeze my hair and give me a permanent smile and memories of a lifetime!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Love quote
I heard a quote in a movie the other day that had me thinking..."Thank you for loving me."
I found it extremely touching. Moving. Thought provoking. Maybe I was in one of those moods.
I began to reminisce about times one might share with another their love. Times that may seem premature but the moment was right. That at that very moment, all you truly felt was love. But does that mean that you actually love the person? Do we often put too much weight into when someone says "I love you" or when we hear it?
Have you ever said it to someone because you felt feelings of love, but may not have been "in love" with them? That your feelings and emotions were growing and you shared something later only to question whether it was legitimate. Or maybe because of the other persons response you questioned whether you should have shared. Do some people put too much credence into the fact that you may love them that it means something more permanent or forever?
I know when I looked into his eyes and I thought about the answer to his question, that what I felt, that what I knew at that very moment, was that I loved him. Without holding back, without protecting myself or wondering what the repercussions of what I may have said, I didn't hold back and I told him I loved him. And from that moment on, nothing ever was the same. There was no turning back. There was no changing how I felt at that moment and what I said. And I wouldn't change it, since it was precisely what I felt. However, nothing would ever be the same again. How is it that a single word or a single action in the moment can change everything?
It changed things for him, for me, for us. Maybe it's fear that dominates, that holds one back from truly living, experiencing, hearing, being...maybe it's ultimately something else that only you know the answer. I suppose there will always be answers that I will never know.
I found it extremely touching. Moving. Thought provoking. Maybe I was in one of those moods.
I began to reminisce about times one might share with another their love. Times that may seem premature but the moment was right. That at that very moment, all you truly felt was love. But does that mean that you actually love the person? Do we often put too much weight into when someone says "I love you" or when we hear it?
Have you ever said it to someone because you felt feelings of love, but may not have been "in love" with them? That your feelings and emotions were growing and you shared something later only to question whether it was legitimate. Or maybe because of the other persons response you questioned whether you should have shared. Do some people put too much credence into the fact that you may love them that it means something more permanent or forever?
I know when I looked into his eyes and I thought about the answer to his question, that what I felt, that what I knew at that very moment, was that I loved him. Without holding back, without protecting myself or wondering what the repercussions of what I may have said, I didn't hold back and I told him I loved him. And from that moment on, nothing ever was the same. There was no turning back. There was no changing how I felt at that moment and what I said. And I wouldn't change it, since it was precisely what I felt. However, nothing would ever be the same again. How is it that a single word or a single action in the moment can change everything?
It changed things for him, for me, for us. Maybe it's fear that dominates, that holds one back from truly living, experiencing, hearing, being...maybe it's ultimately something else that only you know the answer. I suppose there will always be answers that I will never know.
Gambling, Fun or Child Abuse
T loves football. T dreams football. T lives for football. T doesn't play football.
T doesn't like the bruises he accrued when he played full tackle football. T loves the sport of football. If he could, he would eat, sleep and breathe football. He prefers professional football over college, but he watches college as well. He also loves all football video games. The first thing in the morning and the last thing at night is ESPN. He knows players. He knows stats. He studies injury lists. He knows football.
So it's only right that I promote and support my 12.75 year old son to gamble in a football pool. He has participated for the past several years. Maybe I promote and encourage his excitement in the game by having him participate; however, years past when he's been knocked out, his interest throughout the season continues to the same level.
This year, T is still in the pool. I never make him pay the entrance fee to play. He does however know how much he could potentially win if he wins the pool. This year, in the Survivor football pool, there were 52 people. After week #16, T and two others remain. T has studied the odds for this week, he's studied the remaining two people's choices and who he believes that they will pick (as a team cannot be picked twice by a single person in the season). He takes this very seriously. I wonder if it is too seriously.
T told me his dad asked him what he was going to buy him or give him with his winnings. What? He said he told him, "nothing". I said he should give him a "high five". T thought that was funny. His dad is apparently saying that he needs to remember who is buying him Christmas presents! I said, "Yes. Your mom is buying you Christmas presents and it is because of your mom that you are in the pool."
So again, I wonder, am I promoting gambling of my pre-adolescent teen? Is that a form of child abuse? Would it be child abuse if he won and I didn't give him his winnings? Think of what I could do with that money!!! Ok, I'm seriously kidding. He did the research, he took his passion and his love of the sport and is doing well in a strategy and luck pool. If he wins, I can only hope that he will remember who paid his entrance fee! Afterall, he's done very well this season but he's still a world away from winning. Kind of like my Thanksgiving Day square where all I needed was the Lions to score a field goal in the last three minutes of the first quarter and I would win $240. So close and yet...impossible!
T doesn't like the bruises he accrued when he played full tackle football. T loves the sport of football. If he could, he would eat, sleep and breathe football. He prefers professional football over college, but he watches college as well. He also loves all football video games. The first thing in the morning and the last thing at night is ESPN. He knows players. He knows stats. He studies injury lists. He knows football.
So it's only right that I promote and support my 12.75 year old son to gamble in a football pool. He has participated for the past several years. Maybe I promote and encourage his excitement in the game by having him participate; however, years past when he's been knocked out, his interest throughout the season continues to the same level.
This year, T is still in the pool. I never make him pay the entrance fee to play. He does however know how much he could potentially win if he wins the pool. This year, in the Survivor football pool, there were 52 people. After week #16, T and two others remain. T has studied the odds for this week, he's studied the remaining two people's choices and who he believes that they will pick (as a team cannot be picked twice by a single person in the season). He takes this very seriously. I wonder if it is too seriously.
T told me his dad asked him what he was going to buy him or give him with his winnings. What? He said he told him, "nothing". I said he should give him a "high five". T thought that was funny. His dad is apparently saying that he needs to remember who is buying him Christmas presents! I said, "Yes. Your mom is buying you Christmas presents and it is because of your mom that you are in the pool."
So again, I wonder, am I promoting gambling of my pre-adolescent teen? Is that a form of child abuse? Would it be child abuse if he won and I didn't give him his winnings? Think of what I could do with that money!!! Ok, I'm seriously kidding. He did the research, he took his passion and his love of the sport and is doing well in a strategy and luck pool. If he wins, I can only hope that he will remember who paid his entrance fee! Afterall, he's done very well this season but he's still a world away from winning. Kind of like my Thanksgiving Day square where all I needed was the Lions to score a field goal in the last three minutes of the first quarter and I would win $240. So close and yet...impossible!
T's Dinner
T's favorite meal...is anything that can be made in 15 minutes or less. He does have some favorites, but for the most part, when he's hungry, he wants to eat NOW.
For Thanksgiving, I didn't host or cook. I haven't really been cooking much of anything lately. I seem to be in a funk, again just with the idea of cooking anything more than convenience for T and I seems like a waste. A few weeks ago I made a fabulous turkey vegetable lasagna that could have fed a small army. We had lasagna for dinner, lunch, dinner and even gave some away. Other than that I haven't really bothered to make anything that was even remotely labor intensive. And I still haven't.
T loves ham. Other than on a deli sandwich or with pineapple on a pizza, I prefer to avoid ham. I do much better with ham in things rather than by itself with sides.
My parents are coming for Christmas. I will make Christmas dinner, which personally, I do enjoy cooking. I like making several things in addition to the mess. Multi-tasking for a reason is really something I enjoy. Dinner will be rather easy and seeing that I'll be heading out of town for a week, leftovers aren't much of an option but a waste. My parents are bringing steak, which T refuses to eat. T wants ham.
To pacify T, I told him that I wouldn't cook ham for Christmas Eve dinner, but we could have it tonight so that he could have leftovers. In the spirit, I picked up a 6.75 pound ham, way more than we can fathom, but it was definitely more cost effective. I picked up T and brought him home today during a late lunch and threw the ham into the oven. T's responsibility due to his strong fear of the stove and oven, was to turn it on!
The ham actually smelled good when I walked in the door. Much better than the lingering ham smell on my hands from putting it into the roasting pan and oven before I headed back to work. T made his favorite cheesy mashed potatoes (another ugh for me!) while I cut up veggies for a salad. Within fifteen minutes of walking in the door, we had carved ham, instant cheesy mashed potatoes and a greek salad. Less than an hour later from walking in the door, we ate, dishes are done and we have the night ahead of us.
T is completely happy. He had his favorites in a short amount of time and I have enough ham left over for him to have for Christmas Eve dinner and enough to make ham and cheese breakfast casserole for Christmas morning. Win Win. And the best part, the ham actually was pretty good!
For Thanksgiving, I didn't host or cook. I haven't really been cooking much of anything lately. I seem to be in a funk, again just with the idea of cooking anything more than convenience for T and I seems like a waste. A few weeks ago I made a fabulous turkey vegetable lasagna that could have fed a small army. We had lasagna for dinner, lunch, dinner and even gave some away. Other than that I haven't really bothered to make anything that was even remotely labor intensive. And I still haven't.
T loves ham. Other than on a deli sandwich or with pineapple on a pizza, I prefer to avoid ham. I do much better with ham in things rather than by itself with sides.
My parents are coming for Christmas. I will make Christmas dinner, which personally, I do enjoy cooking. I like making several things in addition to the mess. Multi-tasking for a reason is really something I enjoy. Dinner will be rather easy and seeing that I'll be heading out of town for a week, leftovers aren't much of an option but a waste. My parents are bringing steak, which T refuses to eat. T wants ham.
To pacify T, I told him that I wouldn't cook ham for Christmas Eve dinner, but we could have it tonight so that he could have leftovers. In the spirit, I picked up a 6.75 pound ham, way more than we can fathom, but it was definitely more cost effective. I picked up T and brought him home today during a late lunch and threw the ham into the oven. T's responsibility due to his strong fear of the stove and oven, was to turn it on!
The ham actually smelled good when I walked in the door. Much better than the lingering ham smell on my hands from putting it into the roasting pan and oven before I headed back to work. T made his favorite cheesy mashed potatoes (another ugh for me!) while I cut up veggies for a salad. Within fifteen minutes of walking in the door, we had carved ham, instant cheesy mashed potatoes and a greek salad. Less than an hour later from walking in the door, we ate, dishes are done and we have the night ahead of us.
T is completely happy. He had his favorites in a short amount of time and I have enough ham left over for him to have for Christmas Eve dinner and enough to make ham and cheese breakfast casserole for Christmas morning. Win Win. And the best part, the ham actually was pretty good!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Gift Suspense...
How are you about giving and receiving gifts? Is the suspense too much to handle? Do you appreciate not knowing any secrets, any surprises, any details until it's time?
I've been known to not do well with surprises. I tend to want to know enough information to get me through - say a getaway weekend - or nothing at all - which then leads me to not being receptive or excited enough for the giver. I suppose gift receiving is harder than gift giving. What if your response isn't what the giver expected? I prefer to be the giver - although there are also the disappointments of not meeting the expectations of the receiver.
So I am truly torturing my son. I told him the other day that we would have to be home on Saturday for his first Christmas present between 12-5. It has been a barrage of questions since then - some which I've done my best to throw him off without actually lying about the answer. Because clearly, how many questions can one ask without narrowing down the answer?
Is it an event? No
Is it a person? No
Is it specific to Saturday only? No
Is it big? Yes?
Is it small? No
Is it long? No
Is it heavy? Yes
Is it light? No
Is it skiing related? No
Is it technology related? Ummm...maybe. No. Ummm...
Can you talk to it? Yes
Can it talk to you? Yes?
Do you jump on this? You can (in a figurative sense - but he doesn't know that!)
Is it meant for jumping on? NO
Can you throw it? You can (but please don't - I won't be happy!)
Is it meant for throwing? NO
Is it sports related? It can be.
Did you get this at the store? No
Did you make this? No
Would this go in my room? No
Would this go in the garage? No
Is it clothes related? No
Can I use it in the winter? Yes
Can I use it in the summer? Maybe
Can I use it in the spring? Yes
So I can use it year round? Yes
Would I have fun with this present? Yes?
Is this present a one and only time thing? No
Does this present move on it's own? No
Is it art and craft related? No
The questions have continued. The funny thing, in between him taking a break from asking questions, a commercial for Dish HD receiver, HD 140 channels and three months of free Showtime and HBO came on the t.v. Not once did he make a single comment about how cool that would be to actually have for our 1080p t.v. that is not HD.
He has officially proclaimed that he is...STUMPED. Regardless that I told him there was a HUGE hint provided sometime during his questioning. Which then threw him into a tizzy and a spew of more repetitive questions and a barrage of new ones.
Personally, I am loving this! I find this most entertaining!
Maybe he will truly be surprised when the service tech. comes to the door to spend the afternoon installing our HD and DVR. But for now, I'm enjoying his struggling to guess.
I've been known to not do well with surprises. I tend to want to know enough information to get me through - say a getaway weekend - or nothing at all - which then leads me to not being receptive or excited enough for the giver. I suppose gift receiving is harder than gift giving. What if your response isn't what the giver expected? I prefer to be the giver - although there are also the disappointments of not meeting the expectations of the receiver.
So I am truly torturing my son. I told him the other day that we would have to be home on Saturday for his first Christmas present between 12-5. It has been a barrage of questions since then - some which I've done my best to throw him off without actually lying about the answer. Because clearly, how many questions can one ask without narrowing down the answer?
Is it an event? No
Is it a person? No
Is it specific to Saturday only? No
Is it big? Yes?
Is it small? No
Is it long? No
Is it heavy? Yes
Is it light? No
Is it skiing related? No
Is it technology related? Ummm...maybe. No. Ummm...
Can you talk to it? Yes
Can it talk to you? Yes?
Do you jump on this? You can (in a figurative sense - but he doesn't know that!)
Is it meant for jumping on? NO
Can you throw it? You can (but please don't - I won't be happy!)
Is it meant for throwing? NO
Is it sports related? It can be.
Did you get this at the store? No
Did you make this? No
Would this go in my room? No
Would this go in the garage? No
Is it clothes related? No
Can I use it in the winter? Yes
Can I use it in the summer? Maybe
Can I use it in the spring? Yes
So I can use it year round? Yes
Would I have fun with this present? Yes?
Is this present a one and only time thing? No
Does this present move on it's own? No
Is it art and craft related? No
The questions have continued. The funny thing, in between him taking a break from asking questions, a commercial for Dish HD receiver, HD 140 channels and three months of free Showtime and HBO came on the t.v. Not once did he make a single comment about how cool that would be to actually have for our 1080p t.v. that is not HD.
He has officially proclaimed that he is...STUMPED. Regardless that I told him there was a HUGE hint provided sometime during his questioning. Which then threw him into a tizzy and a spew of more repetitive questions and a barrage of new ones.
Personally, I am loving this! I find this most entertaining!
Maybe he will truly be surprised when the service tech. comes to the door to spend the afternoon installing our HD and DVR. But for now, I'm enjoying his struggling to guess.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Date Night Results
Tonight I picked up our artistry from our date night last week. Seeing that I'm clearly a 3rd grade art failure and a complete A personality, painting and artistry isn't really my thing. I do enjoy it, and some may even call it Zen. I clearly wouldn't go that far!
I did enjoy the time that T and I had together. Picking up our crafts tonight, I actually thought that they both turned out rather well. Not ready to give up my day job, whatever that is, but I think T will like it!
Hopefully Grandma won't find time to check out the blog before Christmas! T was a little disappointed in how his turned out, noting every spot of missed colored paint, a true perfectionist, no doubt! I of course think it's great!
Bug
This morning I woke up and I feel pretty awful, well from my neck up on the left side, only. I'm really hoping the sore throat and the earache subside quickly. I had a feeling I might be coming down with something and the last thing I have time for, is to be sick.
I imagine that my latest sleeping patterns averaging about 3.5 hours of sleep for the past five nights haven't helped. Granted only two of those nights were because I was out trying to live my Rockstar life. Two others, I was thoroughly engrossed in a book, Still Life. The book needed to be returned in seven days, so being completely enthralled, I decided completing it in less than two was high priority! So last night I spent a solid twelve hours, in bed. Sweating and sleeping it out. Granted, I feel worse today, but I'm hoping that's because I'm working it out of my system! I can only hope, since beyond this weekend, I'll be terribly busy with work, Christmas and VACATION!
Fortunately for me, I purchased another one of T's Christmas gifts last night. At least that's what I'm calling it! Not that I have any idea what I'm doing and again I was in the mood to agree with just about anything, anyone was willing to sell me. Just tell me what I need, how much and DO IT! Clearly, I'll deal with any repercussions, later. So Saturday I will be homebound at the service of a technician for four hours. What better way then to enforce that I will lay low?
I imagine that my latest sleeping patterns averaging about 3.5 hours of sleep for the past five nights haven't helped. Granted only two of those nights were because I was out trying to live my Rockstar life. Two others, I was thoroughly engrossed in a book, Still Life. The book needed to be returned in seven days, so being completely enthralled, I decided completing it in less than two was high priority! So last night I spent a solid twelve hours, in bed. Sweating and sleeping it out. Granted, I feel worse today, but I'm hoping that's because I'm working it out of my system! I can only hope, since beyond this weekend, I'll be terribly busy with work, Christmas and VACATION!
Fortunately for me, I purchased another one of T's Christmas gifts last night. At least that's what I'm calling it! Not that I have any idea what I'm doing and again I was in the mood to agree with just about anything, anyone was willing to sell me. Just tell me what I need, how much and DO IT! Clearly, I'll deal with any repercussions, later. So Saturday I will be homebound at the service of a technician for four hours. What better way then to enforce that I will lay low?
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Women...By Annonymous
One Flaw In Women
Women have strengths that amaze men.....
They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
Women have strengths that amaze men.....
They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
Hidden Cost of Convenience
Last month, I realized that one of my two reoccurring utility bills could be paid online. I love the idea of paying bills online for not only the convenience, saving a stamp, but not having to write a check. I have been savoring my checks and don't feel like ordering more, since I use them so infrequently. I set up the online account and paid the first bill online. Done deal.
This month, I went online to pay the bill and what did I notice? A new convenience handling charge to pay online of $5.00. Is this something new that they have decided to throw in or did I inadvertently miss it in my previous excitement of convenience. While the cost isn't severe if your bill is up to $500, only 1%, it can be upwards to a 10% charge for a bill of $50.
I think I'll stick to dropping a check in the mail every month. Some things really aren't worth the minute of inconvenience.
This month, I went online to pay the bill and what did I notice? A new convenience handling charge to pay online of $5.00. Is this something new that they have decided to throw in or did I inadvertently miss it in my previous excitement of convenience. While the cost isn't severe if your bill is up to $500, only 1%, it can be upwards to a 10% charge for a bill of $50.
I think I'll stick to dropping a check in the mail every month. Some things really aren't worth the minute of inconvenience.
Communication
I am often amazed how much communication affects...everything. The way one communicates. How much one is willing or not willing to share. Friendships are made and lost over the way one chooses to communicate.
I tend to be upfront, brash, honest and communicative. If I feel something or think something, I often share it, sooner than later. I don't have the time or energy to harbor feelings. To eventually sweep them under the rug and hope they never return. I want to get it off my chest, throw it out there, hash it out if necessary and move on. Maybe I think too much, so communicating comes easier to me than most. Even with this blog, I often read about bloggers writing drafts (often many of them) and deciding whether or not to post, even others unsure of emails they may write. I suppose for difficult topics, maybe this is necessary. But for me, this is my dumping ground, my space, my thoughts. Seldom do I use this blog to dump things that I haven't already discussed, so it's not that much of a waste management effort; however, there are things that I just don't and won't blog about.
Besides, since my hair color is dark, it tends to show the grey quickly. I choose not to expedite the discoloration any moreso than necessary by adding additional stress.
I think, the older I get, as I'm quickly approaching the hill...I seem to find less and less time and energy to expend on people that aren't willing to either effectively or openly communicate.
I tend to be upfront, brash, honest and communicative. If I feel something or think something, I often share it, sooner than later. I don't have the time or energy to harbor feelings. To eventually sweep them under the rug and hope they never return. I want to get it off my chest, throw it out there, hash it out if necessary and move on. Maybe I think too much, so communicating comes easier to me than most. Even with this blog, I often read about bloggers writing drafts (often many of them) and deciding whether or not to post, even others unsure of emails they may write. I suppose for difficult topics, maybe this is necessary. But for me, this is my dumping ground, my space, my thoughts. Seldom do I use this blog to dump things that I haven't already discussed, so it's not that much of a waste management effort; however, there are things that I just don't and won't blog about.
Besides, since my hair color is dark, it tends to show the grey quickly. I choose not to expedite the discoloration any moreso than necessary by adding additional stress.
I think, the older I get, as I'm quickly approaching the hill...I seem to find less and less time and energy to expend on people that aren't willing to either effectively or openly communicate.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
When you least expect it...
Sometimes things are planned. Sometimes you search and you research. You do your homework and you know what to expect. You think you know. You think you know how your senses will react, what you will smell, see, hear, feel. But how will you react? How will you react to those senses? Is it how you anticipated? Is it what you expected? Will you be disappointed?
Sometimes life is worth taking a chance. Taking a risk. Allowing doors to open. Taking opportunities that may not seem safe, predictable, right. Sometimes it's about listening to your gut and your instinct while other times it's about allowing change and the unknown.
Often times, it seems like disappointment surfaces when expectations are not met. When you have dreams and aspirations, faith and trust only to be disappointed. Often times, it's when you expect the least, that one is often truly blessed. It is in the small things in life, the things that one may take for granted that truly can reap the most reward.
It's about having faith to see beyond your nose, to see through the scope and allow. Because often, when you least expect it, you will be pleasantly surprised. Surprised by a thought, an action, a reaction. Either by something, someone or even yourself when you least expect.
And when that happens, it's a truly wonderful and amazing thing. To know that something positive, something wonderful, something glorious is possible. That at times when life or others seem to cause strife or disappointment there is always a glimmer of hope, a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, a sparkle in the eye of a stranger, the unexpected when you least expected. And all is good. All is right.
Sometimes life is worth taking a chance. Taking a risk. Allowing doors to open. Taking opportunities that may not seem safe, predictable, right. Sometimes it's about listening to your gut and your instinct while other times it's about allowing change and the unknown.
Often times, it seems like disappointment surfaces when expectations are not met. When you have dreams and aspirations, faith and trust only to be disappointed. Often times, it's when you expect the least, that one is often truly blessed. It is in the small things in life, the things that one may take for granted that truly can reap the most reward.
It's about having faith to see beyond your nose, to see through the scope and allow. Because often, when you least expect it, you will be pleasantly surprised. Surprised by a thought, an action, a reaction. Either by something, someone or even yourself when you least expect.
And when that happens, it's a truly wonderful and amazing thing. To know that something positive, something wonderful, something glorious is possible. That at times when life or others seem to cause strife or disappointment there is always a glimmer of hope, a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, a sparkle in the eye of a stranger, the unexpected when you least expected. And all is good. All is right.
Almost Four Months...
I don't know the exact number of days. I clearly don't know the exact number of hours. I know it was roughly four months. I know it was not nearly long enough. But sometimes it's about savoring the opportunity and the time and the memories. Fortunately for me, I know that there will be more, just different as circumstances change, and life happens and as long as life happens and not death, there is always time. Time for more. Time for new.
I sit here thinking about JA. About the first time we met on that fall day. How she approached me and asked if she could join me in my walk. I always get confused as to how long we've known each other. How many falls ago was that? For it always seems longer, as if she is possibly a kindred spirit, or maybe just because we became such good friends through our frequent contact and growing friendship.
I had the opportunity of working with JA, in the same office that is, for almost four months. For almost four months, I saw her almost daily, when time had often found us short and visits were becoming few and far between. I looked forward to seeing her. To see her smile. To hear her tales. To share in her frustration. None of that has changed, except the frequency and availability of physically seeing her.
I miss her. I think of her often. I do hope she knows how much I care about her. About her family. I sit here looking at the family Christmas card, a picture that I took and as always, I think of only good thoughts as I have none other for JA.
We can't predict how, when or why people enter our lives. We can only appreciate the opportunity. I am truly blessed to have her friendship and I hope it continues for a lifetime!
I sit here thinking about JA. About the first time we met on that fall day. How she approached me and asked if she could join me in my walk. I always get confused as to how long we've known each other. How many falls ago was that? For it always seems longer, as if she is possibly a kindred spirit, or maybe just because we became such good friends through our frequent contact and growing friendship.
I had the opportunity of working with JA, in the same office that is, for almost four months. For almost four months, I saw her almost daily, when time had often found us short and visits were becoming few and far between. I looked forward to seeing her. To see her smile. To hear her tales. To share in her frustration. None of that has changed, except the frequency and availability of physically seeing her.
I miss her. I think of her often. I do hope she knows how much I care about her. About her family. I sit here looking at the family Christmas card, a picture that I took and as always, I think of only good thoughts as I have none other for JA.
We can't predict how, when or why people enter our lives. We can only appreciate the opportunity. I am truly blessed to have her friendship and I hope it continues for a lifetime!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Elephant Joke
This morning I was told a joke that I missed last night, so enjoy:
How do you fit an elephant on the subway?
Any guesses?
Take the "S" out of subway and the "F" out of way.
And your answer is?
There is no F in way!!! (...There is no eff'n way!)
How do you fit an elephant on the subway?
Any guesses?
Take the "S" out of subway and the "F" out of way.
And your answer is?
There is no F in way!!! (...There is no eff'n way!)
Night on the Town
Last night we went out and hit the town. There were eight of us that met up for dinner and then the six singles went on to a night of bowling, while the one lonely couple went home, it was afterall their bedtime at 10:00p.m.!
Two others joined us for bowling, so there were eight of us at the alley, seven of us bowling. We had a great time and a lot of laughs were had by all. JN and her single friend JL were there, but came a little later to the alley from dinner. I was hoping they would get there soon as I enjoy hanging out with the guys more than I should probably admit, but the testosterone levels of four guys to little 'ole me was pretty high!
JL and I had met a few other times in the past and she rubbed me wrong the first time I met her. I'm sure she is a lot of fun, we are just entirely two different people. She's all about action and well, I'm so not. So JL was reveling in all of the available men and wondered what the story was. I suppose she and I not knowing each other it looked rather strange, especially given the first time we met earlier this summer she asked, "What type of guys are you interested in?" and I responded with "None." She then asked if I was a lesbian which I said no. I had just gotten out of a relationship and I wasn't interested in dating, picking up or shacking up with anyone that evening or anytime soon. So her impression last night probably only added fuel to the fire. Who knows.
It did make me laugh when she said, "Can I ask you a question?" "Are there any of these guys that aren't in love with you?" I informed her that none of them were in love with me. She only raised her one eyebrow and smirked at me. She then asked which guy I was dating. Which my answer was again, "none". Isn't it OK to have male friends and that they are just friends? Apparently not to her, nor did she seem to believe my answers as her next comment was, "So can I have your leftovers?" Seriously, she DID NOT just say that! All you girlfriend, no leftovers and as a matter of fact, all of these men are good fine men and regardless of their consumption of alcohol...you left the alley alone, being laughed at and without a single phone number.
Honestly, it was sad. If she could change her perception of men and appreciate them for who they are and not just a piece of ass, she might actually do better. But the reality she's getting more ass than I am, by choice, and we are both happy with who we are!
We also had an entertaining conversation during the night as I brought up Cindy Crawford's recent interview about how she would rather be a MILF than a Cougar. JL wanted to know the difference, thinking that they could be one in the same. Further stating that I was both, even though she said that she wasn't a lesbian she could see even herself falling in love with me. Sigh, seriously. PM then thought about the concept of the two for a few minutes and said, "I can see you one week as a MILF and the next as a Cougar. Bouncing back and forth between the two."
Interesting. It's always amusing and often times entertaining to see how others view yourself, whether you agree with their perception or not. Clearly, if these people feel that I possess the skills or power as they see it, I definitely don't use that power. Although there were a group of young early twenties guys bowling that I went and chatted with about picking music off the juke box. I found them staring at me through the night, but the real reason? I'm sure they were laughing at this "old lady"! It's all good, I was too!
Two others joined us for bowling, so there were eight of us at the alley, seven of us bowling. We had a great time and a lot of laughs were had by all. JN and her single friend JL were there, but came a little later to the alley from dinner. I was hoping they would get there soon as I enjoy hanging out with the guys more than I should probably admit, but the testosterone levels of four guys to little 'ole me was pretty high!
JL and I had met a few other times in the past and she rubbed me wrong the first time I met her. I'm sure she is a lot of fun, we are just entirely two different people. She's all about action and well, I'm so not. So JL was reveling in all of the available men and wondered what the story was. I suppose she and I not knowing each other it looked rather strange, especially given the first time we met earlier this summer she asked, "What type of guys are you interested in?" and I responded with "None." She then asked if I was a lesbian which I said no. I had just gotten out of a relationship and I wasn't interested in dating, picking up or shacking up with anyone that evening or anytime soon. So her impression last night probably only added fuel to the fire. Who knows.
It did make me laugh when she said, "Can I ask you a question?" "Are there any of these guys that aren't in love with you?" I informed her that none of them were in love with me. She only raised her one eyebrow and smirked at me. She then asked which guy I was dating. Which my answer was again, "none". Isn't it OK to have male friends and that they are just friends? Apparently not to her, nor did she seem to believe my answers as her next comment was, "So can I have your leftovers?" Seriously, she DID NOT just say that! All you girlfriend, no leftovers and as a matter of fact, all of these men are good fine men and regardless of their consumption of alcohol...you left the alley alone, being laughed at and without a single phone number.
Honestly, it was sad. If she could change her perception of men and appreciate them for who they are and not just a piece of ass, she might actually do better. But the reality she's getting more ass than I am, by choice, and we are both happy with who we are!
We also had an entertaining conversation during the night as I brought up Cindy Crawford's recent interview about how she would rather be a MILF than a Cougar. JL wanted to know the difference, thinking that they could be one in the same. Further stating that I was both, even though she said that she wasn't a lesbian she could see even herself falling in love with me. Sigh, seriously. PM then thought about the concept of the two for a few minutes and said, "I can see you one week as a MILF and the next as a Cougar. Bouncing back and forth between the two."
Interesting. It's always amusing and often times entertaining to see how others view yourself, whether you agree with their perception or not. Clearly, if these people feel that I possess the skills or power as they see it, I definitely don't use that power. Although there were a group of young early twenties guys bowling that I went and chatted with about picking music off the juke box. I found them staring at me through the night, but the real reason? I'm sure they were laughing at this "old lady"! It's all good, I was too!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Date Night
Last night was "date night". I picked up T after practice and gave him several options of where we would go to dinner. His first choice was Subway, which was not one of the given options. Although truth be known, we both would have been completely happy and satisfied! He did pick one of the nicer restaurants in town, which was en route to our next destination.
I haven't been to the restaurant in years. I used to go frequently, as I had a never ending gift card. Finally the last time I went, we had an all out hurrah and managed to spend close to $80 for two adults and think that only included one drink! The restaurant is divided into two sections, a fancy linen table cloth side with candles and then the casual side - table only. Although both provide the exact same menu. The hostess did ask where I preferred to sit, and as more of a social experiment, I let her choose.
Not surprisingly, we were seated on the casual side. We were the only table on that side for our waitress and we were often neglected as she was busy with the other side. We had a good meal and the company was fabulous.
Next we headed to our annual pre-Christmas date location where T makes a Christmas gift for Grandma. We enjoyed each other's company, mostly in silence, as we both worked diligently on our pieces of art. Mine was for T and I asked him several questions about it, but then did what I wanted. He would comment several times, "That looks cool Mom! But don't worry, I didn't look!"
T and I have lots of time that we spend together, since of course it is just he and I. But sometimes, caught up in the daily routines, we forget to cherish each other. To take time and do things out of the ordinary. To go above and beyond, sometimes in elegance and sometimes in the most simplistic measures. All treasures of a lifetime.
I haven't been to the restaurant in years. I used to go frequently, as I had a never ending gift card. Finally the last time I went, we had an all out hurrah and managed to spend close to $80 for two adults and think that only included one drink! The restaurant is divided into two sections, a fancy linen table cloth side with candles and then the casual side - table only. Although both provide the exact same menu. The hostess did ask where I preferred to sit, and as more of a social experiment, I let her choose.
Not surprisingly, we were seated on the casual side. We were the only table on that side for our waitress and we were often neglected as she was busy with the other side. We had a good meal and the company was fabulous.
Next we headed to our annual pre-Christmas date location where T makes a Christmas gift for Grandma. We enjoyed each other's company, mostly in silence, as we both worked diligently on our pieces of art. Mine was for T and I asked him several questions about it, but then did what I wanted. He would comment several times, "That looks cool Mom! But don't worry, I didn't look!"
T and I have lots of time that we spend together, since of course it is just he and I. But sometimes, caught up in the daily routines, we forget to cherish each other. To take time and do things out of the ordinary. To go above and beyond, sometimes in elegance and sometimes in the most simplistic measures. All treasures of a lifetime.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Snow Blower & Karma
On 3/21/08 I posted why I felt my snow blower (s) is a male here. I still feel the same way today.
This morning fortunately we only had about 1.5-2" of snow. I went out to start either of my Torro 200 snow throwers, neither which obliged. Even after mixing together the 32:1 oil and gas and filling both up. Running short of time, so very common for me, I decided to bail on the clearing of the drive and came in and got ready for work.
I left work early and came home to try to start either one of them, again. I couldn't start either, not even a gag or a sputter. I pulled out the ladder and plugged in the electrical cord to start either of them with the electric starter. Why two you ask? Neither one is fully functioning, so I got a duplicate thrower from my step-dad and I could choose which one I liked better, but determining that in the fall of 2008 was pretty hard, without snow of course. So I still have both of them. Anyway...
Electric starting didn't work. So, I shoveled the driveway. I managed to freeze my fingers and legs, while shoveling and was thankful that there wasn't more snow. I was also extremely thankful that I offered to pay my son to clear the driveway of the slush and water the day before, making today easier. When I was all done, my next door neighbor came out and asked if I had used my snow blower in the morning. Nope. He suggested that the fuel line had probably dried up if I hadn't used it recently.
Seriously. Is one really suppose to use a snow blower in the fall? Where did I miss that lesson that if one doesn't have a leaf blower and chooses not to mow over their leaves, be sure to use your snow blower? Where was the manual on that info? He did advise that I might need a fuel injector or to just add some gas to the spark plug and it/they should be fine. Sure, easier said than done, IF I knew how to locate the spark plug!
I did go back into the garage and played around with the first one again. And after minutes...it fired up...and then died. I started it up again. Same thing. Third time, it stayed running. I ran it down the driveway just to get run the gas through the line, even though the only thing it was throwing around was dirt!
Maybe it was...karma. That we get too reliant on the conveniences of life. That sometimes, it really is better for us - physically, emotionally and mentally to do things the long or harder way. That way, we can sit back and appreciate things more. To not take things for granted.
Having said that, all be damned if I have to shovel the driveway again this season! If I have more issues, it will be time to invest in some massive machinery that will shoot snow four houses down. Because it's all about..."Go Big or Stay Home". And, if I don't go big, staying home because I'll be buried in my garage is about all I'll be doing this winter!
This morning fortunately we only had about 1.5-2" of snow. I went out to start either of my Torro 200 snow throwers, neither which obliged. Even after mixing together the 32:1 oil and gas and filling both up. Running short of time, so very common for me, I decided to bail on the clearing of the drive and came in and got ready for work.
I left work early and came home to try to start either one of them, again. I couldn't start either, not even a gag or a sputter. I pulled out the ladder and plugged in the electrical cord to start either of them with the electric starter. Why two you ask? Neither one is fully functioning, so I got a duplicate thrower from my step-dad and I could choose which one I liked better, but determining that in the fall of 2008 was pretty hard, without snow of course. So I still have both of them. Anyway...
Electric starting didn't work. So, I shoveled the driveway. I managed to freeze my fingers and legs, while shoveling and was thankful that there wasn't more snow. I was also extremely thankful that I offered to pay my son to clear the driveway of the slush and water the day before, making today easier. When I was all done, my next door neighbor came out and asked if I had used my snow blower in the morning. Nope. He suggested that the fuel line had probably dried up if I hadn't used it recently.
Seriously. Is one really suppose to use a snow blower in the fall? Where did I miss that lesson that if one doesn't have a leaf blower and chooses not to mow over their leaves, be sure to use your snow blower? Where was the manual on that info? He did advise that I might need a fuel injector or to just add some gas to the spark plug and it/they should be fine. Sure, easier said than done, IF I knew how to locate the spark plug!
I did go back into the garage and played around with the first one again. And after minutes...it fired up...and then died. I started it up again. Same thing. Third time, it stayed running. I ran it down the driveway just to get run the gas through the line, even though the only thing it was throwing around was dirt!
Maybe it was...karma. That we get too reliant on the conveniences of life. That sometimes, it really is better for us - physically, emotionally and mentally to do things the long or harder way. That way, we can sit back and appreciate things more. To not take things for granted.
Having said that, all be damned if I have to shovel the driveway again this season! If I have more issues, it will be time to invest in some massive machinery that will shoot snow four houses down. Because it's all about..."Go Big or Stay Home". And, if I don't go big, staying home because I'll be buried in my garage is about all I'll be doing this winter!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
No School Day - Where was the snow?
School was canceled today! And the roads...were fine.
I think it was a preemptive measure to predict that the weather was going to be bad.
Additionally, the "blizzard" is coming. It has been looming since 1p.m. and yet not bothered to arrive. Don't get me wrong, I'm clearly not complaining. Had the weather been bad, I couldn't have flown through my Christmas shopping, hitting five places in less than an hour across town!
I only wonder what the evening and tomorrow will bring. I wonder if it was just the first opportunity for schools to use one of their many reserve "snow days".
On a serious note though, I do hope that the weather holds off. My aunt is scheduled to have open heart surgery tomorrow. Many family members are traveling across the country and I hope and pray that everything goes well, with my aunt and all of the travelers. My thoughts and prayers, always.
I think it was a preemptive measure to predict that the weather was going to be bad.
Additionally, the "blizzard" is coming. It has been looming since 1p.m. and yet not bothered to arrive. Don't get me wrong, I'm clearly not complaining. Had the weather been bad, I couldn't have flown through my Christmas shopping, hitting five places in less than an hour across town!
I only wonder what the evening and tomorrow will bring. I wonder if it was just the first opportunity for schools to use one of their many reserve "snow days".
On a serious note though, I do hope that the weather holds off. My aunt is scheduled to have open heart surgery tomorrow. Many family members are traveling across the country and I hope and pray that everything goes well, with my aunt and all of the travelers. My thoughts and prayers, always.
Christmas Shopping?....DONE
With my second venture out and another hour, my Christmas shopping is officially DONE. Nine people and of course myself, all bought for in two hours. How to maximize the shopping experience and still not buy a single thing online!
Of course now I just have to wrap, pack and ship several and hope that I manage to do that before Christmas!
DEEP SIGH...
What a relief to know that shopping is done! Nothing else out there looming. No last minute gifts that I must get. No crowds to navigate.
Now it's just time to sit back and enjoy. With the exception of the shopping for Christmas dinner and the packing and shopping for my vacation. And, and, and...but the Christmas shopping is DONE.
Can it get any better than this?
Of course now I just have to wrap, pack and ship several and hope that I manage to do that before Christmas!
DEEP SIGH...
What a relief to know that shopping is done! Nothing else out there looming. No last minute gifts that I must get. No crowds to navigate.
Now it's just time to sit back and enjoy. With the exception of the shopping for Christmas dinner and the packing and shopping for my vacation. And, and, and...but the Christmas shopping is DONE.
Can it get any better than this?
Can't We All Be Friends?
Sometimes I wonder if it's really possible to be friends with everyone or anyone for that matter. Clearly no one is friends with everyone or no one. But is it ultimately possible for all of your own friends to get along? Is it wishful thinking to think that people that have a common denominator, you, may be able to get along in one place?
I think in my unrealistic world, I think it's possible. I do think it's possible to be friends with ex's. Difficult, yes. Impossible, no.
One lesson my mom always taught me (which I am completely guilty of NOT following - but always thinking and considering) is that you invite everyone, regardless. It is better to have invited than to have excluded. Let them be the one to determine that they don't want (to go, to participate, to be involved, etc.), then for you to make that decision for someone else.
I am completely guilty of exclusion. I try hard not to, but I am. I often think that it's best for the other person to not have to feel pressured or put on the spot in a possibly awkward situation. Or, when I know that they would want to but other commitments make it difficult.
Just this afternoon, I didn't include someone in something as mundane as signing Christmas cards. I didn't think he would want to be bothered, he is afterall The Top Dog. At the suggestion of a co-worker, I asked him if he wanted to sign them, he did.
It isn't just about the season of giving. It is about being conscious about other's feelings and beliefs but knowing that we can't know what is best for someone else or what they would want, without asking them.
Although, is there times, when maybe it isn't best to be all inclusive? When it might not be the best idea to invite, say everyone? In the past I've managed to have "game nights" at my home and several of my ex's whom I am friends with, have all come - some solo, some with their new partners. It's never awkward for me. I suppose what it boils down to is everyone is an adult and they are responsible for their own feelings and actions, as am I. But...
Stay tuned to see how the drama may unfold and I can revel in what I should or could have done, after the fact of course!
I think in my unrealistic world, I think it's possible. I do think it's possible to be friends with ex's. Difficult, yes. Impossible, no.
One lesson my mom always taught me (which I am completely guilty of NOT following - but always thinking and considering) is that you invite everyone, regardless. It is better to have invited than to have excluded. Let them be the one to determine that they don't want (to go, to participate, to be involved, etc.), then for you to make that decision for someone else.
I am completely guilty of exclusion. I try hard not to, but I am. I often think that it's best for the other person to not have to feel pressured or put on the spot in a possibly awkward situation. Or, when I know that they would want to but other commitments make it difficult.
Just this afternoon, I didn't include someone in something as mundane as signing Christmas cards. I didn't think he would want to be bothered, he is afterall The Top Dog. At the suggestion of a co-worker, I asked him if he wanted to sign them, he did.
It isn't just about the season of giving. It is about being conscious about other's feelings and beliefs but knowing that we can't know what is best for someone else or what they would want, without asking them.
Although, is there times, when maybe it isn't best to be all inclusive? When it might not be the best idea to invite, say everyone? In the past I've managed to have "game nights" at my home and several of my ex's whom I am friends with, have all come - some solo, some with their new partners. It's never awkward for me. I suppose what it boils down to is everyone is an adult and they are responsible for their own feelings and actions, as am I. But...
Stay tuned to see how the drama may unfold and I can revel in what I should or could have done, after the fact of course!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
(Anti) Christmas Photos
I blogged recently about my Christmas decorating, and I finally bothered to take a few pictures. Essentially, the inside of the house is rather festive, for the most part.
Doesn't every sport enthusiast need football lights hanging on their mantel?
But clearly from the outside of my house, with my futile attempt to strand "purple" lights in the front windows, my house looks...ANTI-CHRISTMAS? Agree or Disagree?
Volunteering vs. Dating
I'm again back on the thought of volunteering. I want to give back to the community somehow and find myself more productive. I want to encourage my son to interact more and also volunteer. A while back, I did brief research on different options and didn't really come up with much that I was interested or intrigued. In my mind today, I thought that if we committed to one evening a week to volunteer, either at a Mission or Shelter or something, that maybe we would have some type of impact. Either personally or with someone else.
I feel like volunteering is a lot like dating. You have to be willing to commit yourself to something or someone or possibly even someones. You have to be willing to give up self sacrifice either for someone else or for your own personal gains. Or...maybe you don't have to do either, just be willing to share or give of your time and whatever happens, happens. But regardless, it's a committment. Neither necessarily have to be a specific committment of your time, but both would probably fare better if they were, at least for scheduling and consistency purposes.
My son's basketball season is wrapping up. He has one week left and then, I think, we are sport free until the conditioning pre-baseball season which will likely begin sometime in February or March at the very latest. So the reality is, we could commit to possibly two-three months of a nightly volunteer opportunity without the possibility of conflict of another sport. Any time is better than none, isn't it? Or is it?
If you can't commit to something, if you can't give of your time or yourself completely or to a level of acceptance, do you offer your time at all? Do you start something that you have no intention of ever finishing (and this isn't referencing eating by any means!)?
Maybe it's time to just revel in the fact that we don't have to DO. That we can take a couple of months off and enjoy ourselves, each other and anything we want to do, without making a committment to do.
And maybe during that time we can learn, grow and become better for having done so.
I feel like volunteering is a lot like dating. You have to be willing to commit yourself to something or someone or possibly even someones. You have to be willing to give up self sacrifice either for someone else or for your own personal gains. Or...maybe you don't have to do either, just be willing to share or give of your time and whatever happens, happens. But regardless, it's a committment. Neither necessarily have to be a specific committment of your time, but both would probably fare better if they were, at least for scheduling and consistency purposes.
My son's basketball season is wrapping up. He has one week left and then, I think, we are sport free until the conditioning pre-baseball season which will likely begin sometime in February or March at the very latest. So the reality is, we could commit to possibly two-three months of a nightly volunteer opportunity without the possibility of conflict of another sport. Any time is better than none, isn't it? Or is it?
If you can't commit to something, if you can't give of your time or yourself completely or to a level of acceptance, do you offer your time at all? Do you start something that you have no intention of ever finishing (and this isn't referencing eating by any means!)?
Maybe it's time to just revel in the fact that we don't have to DO. That we can take a couple of months off and enjoy ourselves, each other and anything we want to do, without making a committment to do.
And maybe during that time we can learn, grow and become better for having done so.
Monday, December 7, 2009
'Tis the Season
With much procrastination, shortly after 9p.m. last night, I managed to have my house completely decorated for Christmas. Seeing that I don't have the outside electrical outlet, it doesn't really warrant my ability to hang outside lights. Otherwise, T and I thought it would be great to put DITTO on our house like the one going around the internet. Unfortunately, across the street is the only one with decent lights on and they aren't overkill.
I put "purple" lights in my two bedroom front windows. I hung them in an X; however, when I looked at them from the street they are more of a pinkish-red and look like I am hosting the anti-Christmas house with not one, but two X's. Oh well, thought that counts, right?
I hadn't managed to begin any of my Christmas shopping. Personally, with each Christmas I lean more and more toward doing away with gift giving for the family since it turns into a swapping of gift cards. I'd rather keep my money and buy myself what I want and they can do the same. Generic, unholy, unholiday-like...ABSOLUTELY. And you know what? I'm OK with that!
I'm still leaning toward a couple gift cards, out of mere convenience than anything else. But I will accompany them with smaller gifts and get them shipped off, and preferably before Christmas. I bought my son several gifts today as well as my mom and finished up my nephews!
So now that the house is decorated, my vacation is underway for the holidays, I'm beginning to almost feel Christmas like. I have a family that I work with that I was hoping to reimburse money for some home repairs. Due to the politics of the job, I personally would like to pay them out of my own pocket, I just need to figure out how they won't know it's from me. I think I may just get them a "visa" card or gift cards to the local grocer rather than money. I have another family that needs a crib. I offered today to give them mine, which I didn't sell in a garage sale a few years ago. Afterall, at 35 with a 12 year old and no interest to adopt or foster anymore, I won't be needing it! Then I will go through more of my son's old clothes and give a friend and co-worker clothes for her son.
'Tis the Season!
Why is it so easy to want to give to those less fortunate or appreciative than to "buy" or give to family members for the holidays?
I put "purple" lights in my two bedroom front windows. I hung them in an X; however, when I looked at them from the street they are more of a pinkish-red and look like I am hosting the anti-Christmas house with not one, but two X's. Oh well, thought that counts, right?
I hadn't managed to begin any of my Christmas shopping. Personally, with each Christmas I lean more and more toward doing away with gift giving for the family since it turns into a swapping of gift cards. I'd rather keep my money and buy myself what I want and they can do the same. Generic, unholy, unholiday-like...ABSOLUTELY. And you know what? I'm OK with that!
I'm still leaning toward a couple gift cards, out of mere convenience than anything else. But I will accompany them with smaller gifts and get them shipped off, and preferably before Christmas. I bought my son several gifts today as well as my mom and finished up my nephews!
So now that the house is decorated, my vacation is underway for the holidays, I'm beginning to almost feel Christmas like. I have a family that I work with that I was hoping to reimburse money for some home repairs. Due to the politics of the job, I personally would like to pay them out of my own pocket, I just need to figure out how they won't know it's from me. I think I may just get them a "visa" card or gift cards to the local grocer rather than money. I have another family that needs a crib. I offered today to give them mine, which I didn't sell in a garage sale a few years ago. Afterall, at 35 with a 12 year old and no interest to adopt or foster anymore, I won't be needing it! Then I will go through more of my son's old clothes and give a friend and co-worker clothes for her son.
'Tis the Season!
Why is it so easy to want to give to those less fortunate or appreciative than to "buy" or give to family members for the holidays?
Warren Miller Movie Night
Saturday night was Warren Miller Movie Night! The kickoff to a great ski season, here in Michigan. Also the first weekend of snow in Southwest Michigan.
I was pretty excited to be going to the movie, mainly for the "freebies" and the "swag" of ski discounts and whathaveyou. I called good friends of mine late in the week and learned that they already had their tickets to the earlier show. They were interested in meeting us for dinner when their show ended. There were seven of us for dinner and six of us for the movie, as we lost the two from dinner and gained one solely for the movie and the dessert/drinks after.
Pre-purchasing tickets were only $12.00. Can I say well worth it! I can even say that without all the free stuff! The company in and of itself was fun and we had a great time. The peanut throwing and conversation afterward over drinks and desserts was a blast as well!
Here's what I (and T) managed to collect of ski deals along with the free t-shirt that was catapulted right next to me that landed on the floor within my reach. Unfortunately none of us one any of the fabulous prizes of trips and getaways, but that's OK. We can't all be winners!
Caberfae Peaks $9 Lift Tickets (5) Sunday - Friday
(Bill & Paul's in Grand Rapids has historically had coupons too for $9 Sundays)
Bittersweet Ski Resort Free Pass (2) Monday - Thursday
Timber Ridge Free Lift Ticket (2) Monday - Thursday
Shanty Creek Resorts (2) $6 Superticket Monday - Friday (or 2 for 1 Saturday - Sunday)
Boyne Mountain or Boyne Highlands 2 for 1
Haven't checked out my other free "swag" and deals with our online codes. I think I have enough discount ski deals to last me through the season and to burn a couple sick, I mean vacation days!
I also purchased a Seasons Pass to Colorado last week to the Arapahoe Basin A which provides me with five days of skiing at Keystone/Breckenridge. I picked up a few entertainment and coupon books that might offer any other discount ski options for January as well. I received my email confirmation for my flight today too!
It's officially...TIME TO SKI!
I was pretty excited to be going to the movie, mainly for the "freebies" and the "swag" of ski discounts and whathaveyou. I called good friends of mine late in the week and learned that they already had their tickets to the earlier show. They were interested in meeting us for dinner when their show ended. There were seven of us for dinner and six of us for the movie, as we lost the two from dinner and gained one solely for the movie and the dessert/drinks after.
Pre-purchasing tickets were only $12.00. Can I say well worth it! I can even say that without all the free stuff! The company in and of itself was fun and we had a great time. The peanut throwing and conversation afterward over drinks and desserts was a blast as well!
Here's what I (and T) managed to collect of ski deals along with the free t-shirt that was catapulted right next to me that landed on the floor within my reach. Unfortunately none of us one any of the fabulous prizes of trips and getaways, but that's OK. We can't all be winners!
Caberfae Peaks $9 Lift Tickets (5) Sunday - Friday
(Bill & Paul's in Grand Rapids has historically had coupons too for $9 Sundays)
Bittersweet Ski Resort Free Pass (2) Monday - Thursday
Timber Ridge Free Lift Ticket (2) Monday - Thursday
Shanty Creek Resorts (2) $6 Superticket Monday - Friday (or 2 for 1 Saturday - Sunday)
Boyne Mountain or Boyne Highlands 2 for 1
Haven't checked out my other free "swag" and deals with our online codes. I think I have enough discount ski deals to last me through the season and to burn a couple sick, I mean vacation days!
I also purchased a Seasons Pass to Colorado last week to the Arapahoe Basin A which provides me with five days of skiing at Keystone/Breckenridge. I picked up a few entertainment and coupon books that might offer any other discount ski options for January as well. I received my email confirmation for my flight today too!
It's officially...TIME TO SKI!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Metaphors, Signs & Timing
The past month has been a rather whirlwind. I never would have thought that just a short month ago I would have met someone that entered quickly into my life and left even more quickly. Again, everything happens for a reason, whether we understand initially or not.
This morning I was reflecting, as I typically do. For some reason, I realize that I was missing the emotional connection. It could have been that things were going very quickly and I just went along for the ride, or it could have been something else. Or maybe I was emotionally connected and once that was shattered, there wasn't enough time to go back and pick up the pieces.
On my way to work, the one and only song I heard was Kelly Clarkson's song, Already Gone. Is that a sign? Especially given that had I missed that song and heard the songs in the playlist after, it would have represented something completely different.
Sometimes it's about the metaphors. Sitting on my desk, was my bowl from my breakfast yesterday morning, crusty oatmeal. I knew yesterday that I should have cleaned it. I should have, but I didn't. So this morning, without the proper tools, I was scrubbing the bowl clean with soap, luke warm water and my fingers. I did manage to get the bowl clean and made breakfast again this morning; however, had I taken care of cleaning it at the time, there would have been less time, effort and clean up required. I can only imagine how difficult it may have been had I let the bowl sit there for days without cleaning or attention.
It's amazing how there are so many similarities and metaphors throughout our lives. How little things that we can do today can save so much time, energy and heartache tomorrow. While it's true, don't sweat the small stuff and let go of which you can't control, take care today what you may want to put off until tomorrow. Because, tomorrow may never come.
This morning I was reflecting, as I typically do. For some reason, I realize that I was missing the emotional connection. It could have been that things were going very quickly and I just went along for the ride, or it could have been something else. Or maybe I was emotionally connected and once that was shattered, there wasn't enough time to go back and pick up the pieces.
On my way to work, the one and only song I heard was Kelly Clarkson's song, Already Gone. Is that a sign? Especially given that had I missed that song and heard the songs in the playlist after, it would have represented something completely different.
Sometimes it's about the metaphors. Sitting on my desk, was my bowl from my breakfast yesterday morning, crusty oatmeal. I knew yesterday that I should have cleaned it. I should have, but I didn't. So this morning, without the proper tools, I was scrubbing the bowl clean with soap, luke warm water and my fingers. I did manage to get the bowl clean and made breakfast again this morning; however, had I taken care of cleaning it at the time, there would have been less time, effort and clean up required. I can only imagine how difficult it may have been had I let the bowl sit there for days without cleaning or attention.
It's amazing how there are so many similarities and metaphors throughout our lives. How little things that we can do today can save so much time, energy and heartache tomorrow. While it's true, don't sweat the small stuff and let go of which you can't control, take care today what you may want to put off until tomorrow. Because, tomorrow may never come.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Missed Opportunity
It's the middle of basketball season. My son is on the "B" team, although it was never truly identified how the teams were created. Both the "A" and the "B" team have similar records, significantly more losses than wins, albeit bitter than the Detroit Lions record no doubt!
This week my son had three games, two which were away. I missed his first game of the season last night, having other commitments and not wanting to make the one hour trek each way for a four period game of six minutes each. My son scored the winning point, in a real nail-biting game where he found himself on the free throw line with the score tied. He made one shot and that secured the win since neither team scored in the final remaining minutes of the game! He scored several points in the game, with one foul, several steals and a few rebounds. T is an all around good sport and regardless of their frequent losses, he can marvel when he has a good game and be disappointed when he didn't play so well. To make matters worse in my absence, tonight one of the parents addressed me after the game to confirm how "awesome" T was the day before. Figures, I always seem to miss out!
Tonight they lost to a team they had beat just weeks before. Call it revenge. There were a couple poor officiating moments, but clearly to be expected of seventh grade ball. T managed to score five points and several rebounds. But in addition to his points, he suffered three jammed fingers and a banged up knee to an already bruised knee from two days prior. Welcome to sports! At least he has until next week to go at it again!
This week my son had three games, two which were away. I missed his first game of the season last night, having other commitments and not wanting to make the one hour trek each way for a four period game of six minutes each. My son scored the winning point, in a real nail-biting game where he found himself on the free throw line with the score tied. He made one shot and that secured the win since neither team scored in the final remaining minutes of the game! He scored several points in the game, with one foul, several steals and a few rebounds. T is an all around good sport and regardless of their frequent losses, he can marvel when he has a good game and be disappointed when he didn't play so well. To make matters worse in my absence, tonight one of the parents addressed me after the game to confirm how "awesome" T was the day before. Figures, I always seem to miss out!
Tonight they lost to a team they had beat just weeks before. Call it revenge. There were a couple poor officiating moments, but clearly to be expected of seventh grade ball. T managed to score five points and several rebounds. But in addition to his points, he suffered three jammed fingers and a banged up knee to an already bruised knee from two days prior. Welcome to sports! At least he has until next week to go at it again!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Holidays...
It isn't that I'm not fond of the holidays, with the exception of Hallmark holidays that is. For the most part, as a single parent for the past twelve years, the actual date of a specific holiday is completely irrelevant. It's about spending time with family and enjoying them when you can, if you can.
Most often, I'm thankful for a lot of things. Much too many to even begin to list them all here. I didn't have a formal Thanksgiving dinner with my family this year, but saw them all the weekend before, allbeit briefly. They were not far from my thoughts, prayers and well wishes.
Christmas holidays are usually the worst for the bouncing back and forth visitation. Typically we celebrate Christmas in the month of December, but not always on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Logistics people, logistics.
Seeing that it is now officially December, and early December at that, I have already finalized Christmas plans. My parents agreed to come in to visit us, which justifies that we should really decorate the house for Christmas. But for the first time that I can recall in a long time, if ever, I'm going to be out of town for the holidays. I purchased my plane ticket this morning and it's a done deal.
I'm looking forward to new experiences and adventures! And I wish you and yours a fabulous holiday season!
Most often, I'm thankful for a lot of things. Much too many to even begin to list them all here. I didn't have a formal Thanksgiving dinner with my family this year, but saw them all the weekend before, allbeit briefly. They were not far from my thoughts, prayers and well wishes.
Christmas holidays are usually the worst for the bouncing back and forth visitation. Typically we celebrate Christmas in the month of December, but not always on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Logistics people, logistics.
Seeing that it is now officially December, and early December at that, I have already finalized Christmas plans. My parents agreed to come in to visit us, which justifies that we should really decorate the house for Christmas. But for the first time that I can recall in a long time, if ever, I'm going to be out of town for the holidays. I purchased my plane ticket this morning and it's a done deal.
I'm looking forward to new experiences and adventures! And I wish you and yours a fabulous holiday season!
Scorpio
I'm a Scorpio. Yes, for those of you who weren't aware, it is true. And I'm sure for those of you who actually know me, this comes as no surprise.
This morning I received an email from my friend about their horoscope. I decided to take a little quiz to see how many characteristics I have of a "True Scorpio". According to www.lifescript.com : "You have several Scorpio characteristics, but you are lacking common Scorpio traits such as the need to control other people or intense jealousy. Your nature is more easygoing and trusting. You still possess that Scorpio persistence and intuition, however."
Not that I think a ten question quiz can completely pinpoint my personality or anything, but something I find remotely entertaining nonetheless. Here's the breakdown of a Scorpio:
"Scorpio is suspicious of other people's intentions and motives. You rarely open up to someone until you are certain you can trust him or her.
Scorpio is attracted to power and can be quite opportunistic. You believe that everyone in your life has a specific purpose to helping you achieve your objectives.
Scorpio is the most jealous sign of the zodiac. You demand complete loyalty from a partner and will not tolerate a partner who is flirtatious.
Although Scorpios tend to pry into other people's lives, they dislike anyone intruding into their personal business. You are extremely secretive and find it difficult to open up to anyone.
The Scorpio person is determined and also quite competitive. You enjoy a challenge and always finish what you start.
Scorpios can be loners. You don't like to seek out other people and have a hard time relating to others because of your inability to open up.
The Scorpio person is ambitious and determined. Once you have decided on a goal, you rarely give up until you have achieved what you set out to do.
Scorpios are intuitive to the point of being psychic. You usually read situations and people correctly and rely on this ability to help you make decisions.
Scorpios have a deep-seated need to be in control. When you are not in control of a situation, you become stubborn and uncooperative.
Like the other two water signs, Cancer and Pisces, Scorpios tend to be emotional. However, unlike Cancer and Pisces, you hide this trait extremely well. You are sometimes perceived as cold and insensitive due to your apparent lack of emotion."
Do you possess the characteristics of your zodiac?
This morning I received an email from my friend about their horoscope. I decided to take a little quiz to see how many characteristics I have of a "True Scorpio". According to www.lifescript.com : "You have several Scorpio characteristics, but you are lacking common Scorpio traits such as the need to control other people or intense jealousy. Your nature is more easygoing and trusting. You still possess that Scorpio persistence and intuition, however."
Not that I think a ten question quiz can completely pinpoint my personality or anything, but something I find remotely entertaining nonetheless. Here's the breakdown of a Scorpio:
"Scorpio is suspicious of other people's intentions and motives. You rarely open up to someone until you are certain you can trust him or her.
Scorpio is attracted to power and can be quite opportunistic. You believe that everyone in your life has a specific purpose to helping you achieve your objectives.
Scorpio is the most jealous sign of the zodiac. You demand complete loyalty from a partner and will not tolerate a partner who is flirtatious.
Although Scorpios tend to pry into other people's lives, they dislike anyone intruding into their personal business. You are extremely secretive and find it difficult to open up to anyone.
The Scorpio person is determined and also quite competitive. You enjoy a challenge and always finish what you start.
Scorpios can be loners. You don't like to seek out other people and have a hard time relating to others because of your inability to open up.
The Scorpio person is ambitious and determined. Once you have decided on a goal, you rarely give up until you have achieved what you set out to do.
Scorpios are intuitive to the point of being psychic. You usually read situations and people correctly and rely on this ability to help you make decisions.
Scorpios have a deep-seated need to be in control. When you are not in control of a situation, you become stubborn and uncooperative.
Like the other two water signs, Cancer and Pisces, Scorpios tend to be emotional. However, unlike Cancer and Pisces, you hide this trait extremely well. You are sometimes perceived as cold and insensitive due to your apparent lack of emotion."
Do you possess the characteristics of your zodiac?
Living Life & Vacation
Last week I posted on Facebook, "When you least expect it and you become blindsided...become road kill, or pick yourself up, dust yourself off and carry on a little better for the wear and tear."
I received many concerned emails, comments and phone calls from that status update. It helped me to realize that there are people that genuinely care, care about me.
I meant what I said and I did pick myself up and I think that I've become stronger for the experience. I think that sometimes, people and events come into our lives for a reason. While that reason isn't always apparent from the get go, sometimes it's a lesson we learn or a realization we grasp after the fact.
As I sit here typing this, I am optimistic. I again feel like I am finding my own and making a decision to pave my own way. To again go back to the desire to be selfish and find self gratification. I've made plans with several friends I haven't seen in a while in the next week or two. I have things that I'm looking forward, although Christmas decorating and shopping aren't in that list!
I still can't believe that it is officially December. It has been a blessing that here in Southwest Michigan we have yet to see any snow. I really don't mind the snow - it's the other drivers and the plowing that I can do without. I'm getting excited about going to Colorado in January. I still need to use my free roundtrip airfare before April and was considering going somewhere between Christmas and New Years as my son should be with his dad during that time.
Tonight, the opportunity arose to go out to Colorado during that time. I could then purchase a seasons pass which would be cost effective for the possibility of almost two weeks of skiing. It almost seems surreal. Too good to be true. Can I really just throw caution in the wind and go? Why not? What is it that holds me back? Is it the fear of just taking the plunge or the fact that what if I get injured or the vacation time that I'm going to be taking or...OR WHAT?
I need to live my life and enjoy. If I don't live it, no one else is going to live it for me. Right? What do I have to lose? With so much to gain! Besides, when you realize that someone's friendship and yours in return causes happiness when maybe times have been difficult or trying as of late. When someone else is looking forward to your company and an adventure together and shares, "I think you're worth the extra effort especially if you keep causing me to smile like I have tonight ... it is amazing how one person can turn it all around. Thank you!" Just makes you thankful for friendship and that doors really do open when you least expect.
Maybe that horoscope was true afterall.
I received many concerned emails, comments and phone calls from that status update. It helped me to realize that there are people that genuinely care, care about me.
I meant what I said and I did pick myself up and I think that I've become stronger for the experience. I think that sometimes, people and events come into our lives for a reason. While that reason isn't always apparent from the get go, sometimes it's a lesson we learn or a realization we grasp after the fact.
As I sit here typing this, I am optimistic. I again feel like I am finding my own and making a decision to pave my own way. To again go back to the desire to be selfish and find self gratification. I've made plans with several friends I haven't seen in a while in the next week or two. I have things that I'm looking forward, although Christmas decorating and shopping aren't in that list!
I still can't believe that it is officially December. It has been a blessing that here in Southwest Michigan we have yet to see any snow. I really don't mind the snow - it's the other drivers and the plowing that I can do without. I'm getting excited about going to Colorado in January. I still need to use my free roundtrip airfare before April and was considering going somewhere between Christmas and New Years as my son should be with his dad during that time.
Tonight, the opportunity arose to go out to Colorado during that time. I could then purchase a seasons pass which would be cost effective for the possibility of almost two weeks of skiing. It almost seems surreal. Too good to be true. Can I really just throw caution in the wind and go? Why not? What is it that holds me back? Is it the fear of just taking the plunge or the fact that what if I get injured or the vacation time that I'm going to be taking or...OR WHAT?
I need to live my life and enjoy. If I don't live it, no one else is going to live it for me. Right? What do I have to lose? With so much to gain! Besides, when you realize that someone's friendship and yours in return causes happiness when maybe times have been difficult or trying as of late. When someone else is looking forward to your company and an adventure together and shares, "I think you're worth the extra effort especially if you keep causing me to smile like I have tonight ... it is amazing how one person can turn it all around. Thank you!" Just makes you thankful for friendship and that doors really do open when you least expect.
Maybe that horoscope was true afterall.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
True Love: The Boyfriend
Dating doesn't really seem to be my thing. Well let me clarify, a date with someone, once, is my thing. Seeing someone multiple times or getting into a relationship, not my thing. Never seems to fail, no matter how many I weed out due to blatantly obvious issues, there are always more hidden underneath someone that may seem normal and pretty issue free.
Clearly, I understand that I have issues. Hence the title of my blog, Independent Issues, lots of issues, independent of each other. Sometimes my own, sometimes my issues with things or others. Nonetheless, issues. I'm really willing to acknowledge my own shortcomings and I utilize life to the fullest on the learning curve and openly try to embrace change.
I suppose if you put together the masses of single people, everyone has their issues. It's just determining which issues are livable and forgivable with your own. And that has to be the hardest feat in and of itself.
For me, honesty, respect and communication are key. I think if you have truthful communication, almost anything can be overcome and achieved. I may be wrong, I suppose I have yet to find out.
Some say that when you least expect it and when you aren't looking, you will find true love. I haven't really been looking for a long time, but tonight was different. I think I've found my True Match, True Love.
"He always listens. He is never late. He smells good. He is always there for you. He doesn't watch too much TV."
Granted, I'm not sure about the communication aspect, but I suppose if he's a listener he can't be deceitful and dishonest. He won't blatantly look me in the eyes and tell me things that he really doesn't feel or felt for a fleeting minute. Somethings are worth compromising.
So tonight, while I wasn't looking for my True Love: The Ultimate Boyfriend...there he was. Hidden. Silent. Waiting. Longing with open arms...and while I'm not interested in jinxing my relationship by taking a picture with him...I'm willing to share him with YOU, Internet!
Clearly, I understand that I have issues. Hence the title of my blog, Independent Issues, lots of issues, independent of each other. Sometimes my own, sometimes my issues with things or others. Nonetheless, issues. I'm really willing to acknowledge my own shortcomings and I utilize life to the fullest on the learning curve and openly try to embrace change.
I suppose if you put together the masses of single people, everyone has their issues. It's just determining which issues are livable and forgivable with your own. And that has to be the hardest feat in and of itself.
For me, honesty, respect and communication are key. I think if you have truthful communication, almost anything can be overcome and achieved. I may be wrong, I suppose I have yet to find out.
Some say that when you least expect it and when you aren't looking, you will find true love. I haven't really been looking for a long time, but tonight was different. I think I've found my True Match, True Love.
"He always listens. He is never late. He smells good. He is always there for you. He doesn't watch too much TV."
Granted, I'm not sure about the communication aspect, but I suppose if he's a listener he can't be deceitful and dishonest. He won't blatantly look me in the eyes and tell me things that he really doesn't feel or felt for a fleeting minute. Somethings are worth compromising.
So tonight, while I wasn't looking for my True Love: The Ultimate Boyfriend...there he was. Hidden. Silent. Waiting. Longing with open arms...and while I'm not interested in jinxing my relationship by taking a picture with him...I'm willing to share him with YOU, Internet!
Can it get any better than that? He even "Grows 600% in 72 hours!"
Marital bliss...without the marriage...when I least expected! Love at last!
Weight Loss & Pants
I can't say that I have constantly struggled with weight loss, but clearly I would like to lose some additional weight - who wouldn't, right? Many years ago I made a personal goal that if I met my weight loss goal I would treat myself to a vacation to Aruba. I was never motivated enough to do so.
Whether I try or not, I can't seem to get but five pounds from my goal weight. Maybe I'm my own personal road block, that I can't part with the time or money to actually go to Aruba. Maybe I should change my reward! I'm again within five pounds, having gotten on the scale this morning and losing a few more pounds since before Thanksgiving. I still attribute a lot of the weight fluctuation with my inability to work out from the procedure two weeks ago. I'm sure it will all change, soon.
Just over a month ago, my mom and I went shopping. I purchased a lot of clothes that finally fit me. This morning, I grabbed a pair of dress pants from my closet and attempted to put them on. They seemed very tight and very short. I looked at whether or not I had the zipper all the way down as I grabbed leverage to pull them up to my waist. The thought of zipping the zipper was a completely different story!
I looked down and I could see my ankles. In a moment of shock and horror I wondered what in the world had happened. It's been years since I've had a dryer issue where I've shrunk my clothes. I really didn't think the scale had lied just minutes earlier! What in the world?
I pulled the pants off and looked at the tag. I was still in disbelief. I had no idea what pants I had tried on, but they weren't my new ones!
In looking at the tag, a light bulb finally went off! I had attempted to wear my twelve year old son's dress pants! Sigh, life really is good!
Happy Tuesday!
Whether I try or not, I can't seem to get but five pounds from my goal weight. Maybe I'm my own personal road block, that I can't part with the time or money to actually go to Aruba. Maybe I should change my reward! I'm again within five pounds, having gotten on the scale this morning and losing a few more pounds since before Thanksgiving. I still attribute a lot of the weight fluctuation with my inability to work out from the procedure two weeks ago. I'm sure it will all change, soon.
Just over a month ago, my mom and I went shopping. I purchased a lot of clothes that finally fit me. This morning, I grabbed a pair of dress pants from my closet and attempted to put them on. They seemed very tight and very short. I looked at whether or not I had the zipper all the way down as I grabbed leverage to pull them up to my waist. The thought of zipping the zipper was a completely different story!
I looked down and I could see my ankles. In a moment of shock and horror I wondered what in the world had happened. It's been years since I've had a dryer issue where I've shrunk my clothes. I really didn't think the scale had lied just minutes earlier! What in the world?
I pulled the pants off and looked at the tag. I was still in disbelief. I had no idea what pants I had tried on, but they weren't my new ones!
In looking at the tag, a light bulb finally went off! I had attempted to wear my twelve year old son's dress pants! Sigh, life really is good!
Happy Tuesday!
Horoscope 11/30/09
I've mentioned before, I'm really not all that into astrology. I find it entertaining and I do understand that there are a few zodiac signs that seem to be oil and vinegar with me, but besides that, it is what it is.
However, occasionally when I go through my emails, I will read my horoscope usually from the day before and some of them seem most appropriate. Here is my latest:
"You need to draw on your emotional depths to brave today's weird action -- but that's not such a a hard thing for you. In fact, you may come out of this much stronger than you were just yesterday."
However, occasionally when I go through my emails, I will read my horoscope usually from the day before and some of them seem most appropriate. Here is my latest:
"You need to draw on your emotional depths to brave today's weird action -- but that's not such a a hard thing for you. In fact, you may come out of this much stronger than you were just yesterday."
Monday, November 30, 2009
EVLT Ending
I had my follow up appointment this morning. One thing I can say about the doctor's office...they are prompt. I was still at the window questioning why I had been charged a co-pay twice when I was called back for my appointment, early.
I managed to wear a very leg accessible outfit, so I just had to lift up the leg for another ultrasound. Before I mentioned anything about my pain and suffering, the doctor said that due to my "thin leg" and the "large vein" he did what he could, but it's often more painful when there isn't a large leg with an abundance of skin or fatty tissue.
Everything is healing well and he asked if I had any soreness. Soreness? Is that what that was called? I proceeded to tell him it was the most painful procedure I have had in a very long time (if EVER). I said I wouldn't be having the other leg done, nor would I recommend the procedure to anyone.
I think I offended him. He told me that he has completed between 4-5000 procedures and if they weren't successful there wouldn't be the demand for him to continue. True enough. I get that. Truly I do. But for appearance purposes, I clearly won't be signing up for another one.
IF my varicose veins were painful, that would be a completely different story. Because clearly, two weeks of pain and suffering would be minimal compared to a lifetime of pain and discomfort. So while I wouldn't recommend it for cosmetic purposes, there are clearly more dramatic and drastically painful procedures available.
Again, had I been fully aware of what I was getting myself into, I would have known what to expect. I could have planned ahead and have been prepared for pain and agony and the inability to do much other than pop massive amounts of pain pills. But I wasn't. Knowing what it was like, despite hearing that the first is the worst, I'm not getting in line anytime soon!
I managed to wear a very leg accessible outfit, so I just had to lift up the leg for another ultrasound. Before I mentioned anything about my pain and suffering, the doctor said that due to my "thin leg" and the "large vein" he did what he could, but it's often more painful when there isn't a large leg with an abundance of skin or fatty tissue.
Everything is healing well and he asked if I had any soreness. Soreness? Is that what that was called? I proceeded to tell him it was the most painful procedure I have had in a very long time (if EVER). I said I wouldn't be having the other leg done, nor would I recommend the procedure to anyone.
I think I offended him. He told me that he has completed between 4-5000 procedures and if they weren't successful there wouldn't be the demand for him to continue. True enough. I get that. Truly I do. But for appearance purposes, I clearly won't be signing up for another one.
IF my varicose veins were painful, that would be a completely different story. Because clearly, two weeks of pain and suffering would be minimal compared to a lifetime of pain and discomfort. So while I wouldn't recommend it for cosmetic purposes, there are clearly more dramatic and drastically painful procedures available.
Again, had I been fully aware of what I was getting myself into, I would have known what to expect. I could have planned ahead and have been prepared for pain and agony and the inability to do much other than pop massive amounts of pain pills. But I wasn't. Knowing what it was like, despite hearing that the first is the worst, I'm not getting in line anytime soon!
Blackberries
I love berries. I didn't think that there was a berry that I didn't like. Until...I had blackberries...plain.
In researching blackberries this morning, http://www.antioxidants-guide.com/health_benefit_of_blackberries.html Blackberries help prevent cancer and heart disease and are extremely high on the anti-oxidant list, one of the top ten in fact.
What I also learned, it isn't a great idea to eat them plain. Mix them with other berries - raspberries, strawberries, cranberries...eating a pint of them plain, not so fabulous. Actually, I should correct myself. Eating them they weren't bad.
The after taste? It ranks up there with the taste of cigarette ashes. So what is it in blackberries that leaves such a nasty taste in the mouth?
In researching blackberries this morning, http://www.antioxidants-guide.com/health_benefit_of_blackberries.html Blackberries help prevent cancer and heart disease and are extremely high on the anti-oxidant list, one of the top ten in fact.
What I also learned, it isn't a great idea to eat them plain. Mix them with other berries - raspberries, strawberries, cranberries...eating a pint of them plain, not so fabulous. Actually, I should correct myself. Eating them they weren't bad.
The after taste? It ranks up there with the taste of cigarette ashes. So what is it in blackberries that leaves such a nasty taste in the mouth?
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
EVLT Update
It's been Day 9 since my EVLT procedure. And today, as much as it was nine days ago, I stick firm on the decision that I will never voluntarily choose to have EVLT done again.
Last night was the first time that I was able to have a reprieve from the pain and discomfort. I even skipped a dosage of ibuprofen. I did take another 1000mg this morning since I knew that I would be up and around, in and out of the office for work. Besides the lingering throb and the muscle pull feeling, the latest nuisance is the chap stocking which is now too big that it is carving into the top of my thigh/groin area. Gotta love it!
I did call the doctor's office on Monday. It's amazing what people will tell you when you ask the right questions. Clearly the answer to most questions, "It depends on the person." Thanks. Thank you very much! The pain should subside around day 10 or so, if it continues, contact the doctor (but in my case - they are closed for Thanksgiving!). There will be a large bump which will dissipate with time. Elevate, elevate, elevate.
I learned about the elevation on my own, in a way. It may have been recommended within the first 24 hours. After about 7 days, I decided while sleeping to wedge a pillow between my thigh and knee. I found that I slept much better without the constant hard surface pain of the touch either against the bed or my other leg. I also learned from calling the doctor's office that you don't have to wear the compression stocking 24/7. If you find it beneficial, you may sleep in it, but this isn't necessary. Wearing the compression stocking is only necessary when up and around. Sigh, nice to know. So in addition to the pillow, not wearing the stocking at night has been a blessing. Although, timing may also add to the relief and the new found ability to almost walk normally after I wake.
The thought of hitting the gym or normal walking gait still isn't feasible. I'm hoping by next week this shouldn't be a problem. I still have a slight limp and if I try to walk at my normal pace, it's more than difficult as well as painful.
As far as the results of the EVLT? I haven't a clue. I no longer can see the pooling, but still have the main discoloration that was present before the procedure. I will likely also have a few small scars from the actual procedure, but I haven't ventured to check it out since mere touch of the upper thigh has put me in tears on more than several occasions. I have my two-week follow up on Monday. Then maybe I'll learn the real truth.
Last night was the first time that I was able to have a reprieve from the pain and discomfort. I even skipped a dosage of ibuprofen. I did take another 1000mg this morning since I knew that I would be up and around, in and out of the office for work. Besides the lingering throb and the muscle pull feeling, the latest nuisance is the chap stocking which is now too big that it is carving into the top of my thigh/groin area. Gotta love it!
I did call the doctor's office on Monday. It's amazing what people will tell you when you ask the right questions. Clearly the answer to most questions, "It depends on the person." Thanks. Thank you very much! The pain should subside around day 10 or so, if it continues, contact the doctor (but in my case - they are closed for Thanksgiving!). There will be a large bump which will dissipate with time. Elevate, elevate, elevate.
I learned about the elevation on my own, in a way. It may have been recommended within the first 24 hours. After about 7 days, I decided while sleeping to wedge a pillow between my thigh and knee. I found that I slept much better without the constant hard surface pain of the touch either against the bed or my other leg. I also learned from calling the doctor's office that you don't have to wear the compression stocking 24/7. If you find it beneficial, you may sleep in it, but this isn't necessary. Wearing the compression stocking is only necessary when up and around. Sigh, nice to know. So in addition to the pillow, not wearing the stocking at night has been a blessing. Although, timing may also add to the relief and the new found ability to almost walk normally after I wake.
The thought of hitting the gym or normal walking gait still isn't feasible. I'm hoping by next week this shouldn't be a problem. I still have a slight limp and if I try to walk at my normal pace, it's more than difficult as well as painful.
As far as the results of the EVLT? I haven't a clue. I no longer can see the pooling, but still have the main discoloration that was present before the procedure. I will likely also have a few small scars from the actual procedure, but I haven't ventured to check it out since mere touch of the upper thigh has put me in tears on more than several occasions. I have my two-week follow up on Monday. Then maybe I'll learn the real truth.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Keys
What's more important to you and why?
The keys to your heart or the keys to your home?
I have no easy answer for this. Both keys are extremely sacred and special to me. Both keys involve trust, immense amounts of trust. Likely for many, this isn't true.
Growing up, I will never forget my dad's philosophy on locking our house..."If someone needs to steal it, they must need it more than we do." Our house was only locked when we went on vacation, twice a year. And often, that was when our house was noticeably broken into.
Have times changed? Do we covet our personal belongings and possessions?
When I first bought my house, the previous owner never locked her house. The day that I was suppose to walk through the house, the realtor didn't show and the neighbor told me to go in anyway. I convinced her to walk through with me so that I wasn't accused of trespassing or stealing anything. After I bought my house, I didn't always lock my house either. It wasn't until the dissolution of my marriage that I began to lock my house. I changed the locks. In the past couple years I've finally stopped making sure the windows were only opened to the safety locks when I was gone. I will even randomly not lock the house if I'll be gone for a short time. But I still lock it if I'm gone for longer periods. The doors are always locked when I'm in for the night. My house is my home. It's mine (well and the mortgage company's for now!).
The key to my heart...something much less tangible. It isn't physical in the sense that you can put it on your key chain. I'm not sure how many people I've ever truly trusted with the key to my heart. Even some of my best friends or ex's, over the years, I may have shut off parts of my heart. Parts that I no longer want to subject or make vulnerable or be able to bear the pain of others. Pain of disappointment.
From an emotional standpoint, the key to my heart is much more important. I have insurance to replace anything in my home. I have memories to remind me of what I may have had if something happens. But the key to my heart is sacred. It unlocks the vulnerability that very few will see or should see. Both are very important to me, both that without trust I hold intensely.
Who holds the key to your heart? Who holds the key to your house?
The keys to your heart or the keys to your home?
I have no easy answer for this. Both keys are extremely sacred and special to me. Both keys involve trust, immense amounts of trust. Likely for many, this isn't true.
Growing up, I will never forget my dad's philosophy on locking our house..."If someone needs to steal it, they must need it more than we do." Our house was only locked when we went on vacation, twice a year. And often, that was when our house was noticeably broken into.
Have times changed? Do we covet our personal belongings and possessions?
When I first bought my house, the previous owner never locked her house. The day that I was suppose to walk through the house, the realtor didn't show and the neighbor told me to go in anyway. I convinced her to walk through with me so that I wasn't accused of trespassing or stealing anything. After I bought my house, I didn't always lock my house either. It wasn't until the dissolution of my marriage that I began to lock my house. I changed the locks. In the past couple years I've finally stopped making sure the windows were only opened to the safety locks when I was gone. I will even randomly not lock the house if I'll be gone for a short time. But I still lock it if I'm gone for longer periods. The doors are always locked when I'm in for the night. My house is my home. It's mine (well and the mortgage company's for now!).
The key to my heart...something much less tangible. It isn't physical in the sense that you can put it on your key chain. I'm not sure how many people I've ever truly trusted with the key to my heart. Even some of my best friends or ex's, over the years, I may have shut off parts of my heart. Parts that I no longer want to subject or make vulnerable or be able to bear the pain of others. Pain of disappointment.
From an emotional standpoint, the key to my heart is much more important. I have insurance to replace anything in my home. I have memories to remind me of what I may have had if something happens. But the key to my heart is sacred. It unlocks the vulnerability that very few will see or should see. Both are very important to me, both that without trust I hold intensely.
Who holds the key to your heart? Who holds the key to your house?
EVLT
Endovenous Laser Treatment of the Saphenous Vein (EVLT).
My new worst enemy. I can admit that I feel completely deceived. Completely blindsided. Maybe it's just a momentary/minute amount of pain and suffering to be endured for the long haul. Maybe not.
See, the reality, the varicose veins of mine, weren't painful. Ugly, yes. Painful, no.
I could have never imagined the procedure or the aftermath of the brief procedure. My first recommendation for anyone considering treatment DO NOT SCHEDULE DURING THE SUMMER (and fortunately for me, I didn't - mere coincidence). Second suggestion, DO NOT PLAN ANYTHING FOR SEVERAL DAYS TO A WEEK AFTERWARD (unless of course you have like to walk around with a tight ace bandage on your leg and sport a stocking for the week after - again fortunately I'm Ok with nothing in the schedule and that I can wear pants!).
The procedure was very quick. As described in my written material, "Endovenous laser treatment is a minimally invasive option for treating the saphenous vein reflux (leaky valves). The first stage of your procedure will involve numbing the skin and then inserting a thin catheter (plastic tube fed up your diseased saphenous vein, (the superficial vein along the inside of your calf and/or thigh)."...More numbing..."The laser catheter is then slowly pulled back while delivering energy to the vein wall, causing it to heat, collapse and seal shut."
Long story short, the numbing process took the longest of the procedure, with the actual laser treatment lasting about 90 seconds. From the time I checked in at the desk to walking out, it was less than 25 minutes. I'm not a fan of needles, so I was fortunate that I couldn't see the IV, which the doctor claimed would be the most painful part. He lied.
Then when numbing the upper thigh, he informed me that I would feel a slight series of pokes. He lied again. I thought of RUR and his smile and pushed hard on my rib cage with each extreme jab that repetitively went into the thigh down to the knee. Poke my...! Maybe it was more painful for me due to the muscles in my thigh. Who knows, but it hurt.
Then there was the use of the laser. He warned that I may smell or taste something. MAY? He lied, yet again.
Smell or taste was the clearly under exaggerated! He did joke that it would only last a few weeks, which it did subside shortly after the laser treatment was complete. The smell...burning rubber.
The taste? I have never in my life smoked a cigarette. When I was young, I wanted to. I would sit in my mom's car when she ran into the store and push in the push lighter. I would burn her cigarettes that were in the ashtray. I would hold them in my hands. I would lift the partial cigarettes toward my lips, never coming closer than my chin. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. I don't know why. Now, I despise the smell of cigarettes. I can't stand the smell of smoke lingering in my hair and my clothes and my being from going out on the town. I hate that I wreak of an ashtray after home calls of smokers. I'm glad that I've never tried a cigarette. So the taste you ask? Cigarette ashes.
I can't tell you how or why I know this. For those brief minutes of reality, which seemed like thousands of seconds of hell, in the back of my throat, I tasted cigarette ash. I felt like I was licking the ashes from an ashtray. It was disgusting and appalling and anything but surreal.
After the doctor was done, I was informed that I have to wear the ace bandage for five days. If it happens to fall off (maybe with some assistance of my own) in three or four days, that's OK. Then I have to wear my "chap stocking" for a week to prevent blood clots. Ibuprofen was recommended (400-600mg) for pain, especially since day 2-3 can be the most severe.
I used to think that I had a high pain tolerance. I was wrong. I've been popping ibuprofen like candy every 5-6 hours at 1000mg each. My upper thigh is beyond swollen and I feel like I'm a 500# sumo wrestler. The pain is more intense than the feeling of a "slight muscle pull" that I might feel.
If nothing else, I want the truth. I can handle it. But what I hate the most, deceit. Tell me that if I want to be varicose vein free it will hurt like hell for up to two weeks. Tell me that I'll taste cigarette ash for longer than I ever want to admit. Tell me that I can't workout for a week and showering will be a challenge. Tell me that I'll be in discomfort and that while I can work, I won't want to. Tell me that my inner thigh will feel worse than bad razor burn and a pulled muscle combined. Tell me that vanity may be painful. Then and only then would I expect the worse and understand what I'm walking into. Don't sugarcoat the truth.
Would I do this again? My answer today, NO.
My new worst enemy. I can admit that I feel completely deceived. Completely blindsided. Maybe it's just a momentary/minute amount of pain and suffering to be endured for the long haul. Maybe not.
See, the reality, the varicose veins of mine, weren't painful. Ugly, yes. Painful, no.
I could have never imagined the procedure or the aftermath of the brief procedure. My first recommendation for anyone considering treatment DO NOT SCHEDULE DURING THE SUMMER (and fortunately for me, I didn't - mere coincidence). Second suggestion, DO NOT PLAN ANYTHING FOR SEVERAL DAYS TO A WEEK AFTERWARD (unless of course you have like to walk around with a tight ace bandage on your leg and sport a stocking for the week after - again fortunately I'm Ok with nothing in the schedule and that I can wear pants!).
The procedure was very quick. As described in my written material, "Endovenous laser treatment is a minimally invasive option for treating the saphenous vein reflux (leaky valves). The first stage of your procedure will involve numbing the skin and then inserting a thin catheter (plastic tube fed up your diseased saphenous vein, (the superficial vein along the inside of your calf and/or thigh)."...More numbing..."The laser catheter is then slowly pulled back while delivering energy to the vein wall, causing it to heat, collapse and seal shut."
Long story short, the numbing process took the longest of the procedure, with the actual laser treatment lasting about 90 seconds. From the time I checked in at the desk to walking out, it was less than 25 minutes. I'm not a fan of needles, so I was fortunate that I couldn't see the IV, which the doctor claimed would be the most painful part. He lied.
Then when numbing the upper thigh, he informed me that I would feel a slight series of pokes. He lied again. I thought of RUR and his smile and pushed hard on my rib cage with each extreme jab that repetitively went into the thigh down to the knee. Poke my...! Maybe it was more painful for me due to the muscles in my thigh. Who knows, but it hurt.
Then there was the use of the laser. He warned that I may smell or taste something. MAY? He lied, yet again.
Smell or taste was the clearly under exaggerated! He did joke that it would only last a few weeks, which it did subside shortly after the laser treatment was complete. The smell...burning rubber.
The taste? I have never in my life smoked a cigarette. When I was young, I wanted to. I would sit in my mom's car when she ran into the store and push in the push lighter. I would burn her cigarettes that were in the ashtray. I would hold them in my hands. I would lift the partial cigarettes toward my lips, never coming closer than my chin. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. I don't know why. Now, I despise the smell of cigarettes. I can't stand the smell of smoke lingering in my hair and my clothes and my being from going out on the town. I hate that I wreak of an ashtray after home calls of smokers. I'm glad that I've never tried a cigarette. So the taste you ask? Cigarette ashes.
I can't tell you how or why I know this. For those brief minutes of reality, which seemed like thousands of seconds of hell, in the back of my throat, I tasted cigarette ash. I felt like I was licking the ashes from an ashtray. It was disgusting and appalling and anything but surreal.
After the doctor was done, I was informed that I have to wear the ace bandage for five days. If it happens to fall off (maybe with some assistance of my own) in three or four days, that's OK. Then I have to wear my "chap stocking" for a week to prevent blood clots. Ibuprofen was recommended (400-600mg) for pain, especially since day 2-3 can be the most severe.
I used to think that I had a high pain tolerance. I was wrong. I've been popping ibuprofen like candy every 5-6 hours at 1000mg each. My upper thigh is beyond swollen and I feel like I'm a 500# sumo wrestler. The pain is more intense than the feeling of a "slight muscle pull" that I might feel.
If nothing else, I want the truth. I can handle it. But what I hate the most, deceit. Tell me that if I want to be varicose vein free it will hurt like hell for up to two weeks. Tell me that I'll taste cigarette ash for longer than I ever want to admit. Tell me that I can't workout for a week and showering will be a challenge. Tell me that I'll be in discomfort and that while I can work, I won't want to. Tell me that my inner thigh will feel worse than bad razor burn and a pulled muscle combined. Tell me that vanity may be painful. Then and only then would I expect the worse and understand what I'm walking into. Don't sugarcoat the truth.
Would I do this again? My answer today, NO.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Hunting Season
As most are more than well aware, November 15 is opening day of gun season. T's dad hunts, or attempts to hunt or finds solace with nature or away from civilization. Actually I don't know what he does, other than he leaves town and doesn't visit with T.
November is always a crazy and chaotic month for me. I know that I have chosen to be a single parent. Although, it wasn't really only my choice, it was a choice I made for all of us. For the well being of all of us. And honestly, it's been a fabulous one! I also chose to not live near my family and not have babysitters. My choice.
Nevertheless, the change in schedule to having my son 22 out of 30 days for the month of November is always a testing of my patience and my parenting. After twelve years, I've come to need the welcomed breaks of joint custody. While it wasn't anything I would have desired for my son, I do know that it's worked out best for him to have parents that are not together. Additionally, our time apart makes us healthier when we are together. I couldn't imagine it any other way. And before I know it, it will be December!
November is always a crazy and chaotic month for me. I know that I have chosen to be a single parent. Although, it wasn't really only my choice, it was a choice I made for all of us. For the well being of all of us. And honestly, it's been a fabulous one! I also chose to not live near my family and not have babysitters. My choice.
Nevertheless, the change in schedule to having my son 22 out of 30 days for the month of November is always a testing of my patience and my parenting. After twelve years, I've come to need the welcomed breaks of joint custody. While it wasn't anything I would have desired for my son, I do know that it's worked out best for him to have parents that are not together. Additionally, our time apart makes us healthier when we are together. I couldn't imagine it any other way. And before I know it, it will be December!
Parent-Teacher Conferences
It is again, that time of year. Parent. Teacher. Conferences.
My son, for those that aren't aware, is an excellent student. He is in advanced math. He has participated in the Gifted and Talented program for years. He is self sufficient, self reliant, independent and self motivated for starters.
Last night was his Parent-Teacher Conferences. Another fabulous opportunity to be in the same place at the same time with his dad. An hour of feeling the Great Divide, which was ever so apparent when sitting at the same table, not acknowledging each other with T sitting in between us giving sideways glances and smiles to me in our non-verbal ways.
I have been completely unaware of the work that T has been doing in his G/T class. Well actually in all of his classes. I see what he brings home. I review what he shares. I have no communication with his teachers. Neither he nor I require it. He is an amazing kid and has done great projects without any assistance. He uses Power Point. He uses the web and makes web blogs. He has been more technologically advanced than myself for years now. And, I'm completely OK with that. Completely.
His dad and I waited to speak with several teachers. We reviewed his report card of all A's and wondered who we should speak to. Speak to all of them? Speak to none of them? His dad and I confirmed that we really didn't need to be there. But parental obligations, we were. In my mind, I just wanted to skip it all and get to dinner with RUR, but even I managed to smile and be pleasant with teachers that said only four words. What does a teacher say when a parent has no questions, there are no problems and this student is getting 99.53%?
Funny thing though, T's worst class....Gym. We laughed when he told us he was getting a 97%, having missed two questions on the soccer test, when he played soccer this fall! So when we met with the teacher we said that we were surprised to hear that gym was his worst class. The teacher, scrambling through his papers was shocked. He couldn't believe that T wasn't getting an A. Oh he IS, it's just his lowest A yet, with the next lowest being 99.09%.
Too funny! Gym of all classes!
My son, for those that aren't aware, is an excellent student. He is in advanced math. He has participated in the Gifted and Talented program for years. He is self sufficient, self reliant, independent and self motivated for starters.
Last night was his Parent-Teacher Conferences. Another fabulous opportunity to be in the same place at the same time with his dad. An hour of feeling the Great Divide, which was ever so apparent when sitting at the same table, not acknowledging each other with T sitting in between us giving sideways glances and smiles to me in our non-verbal ways.
I have been completely unaware of the work that T has been doing in his G/T class. Well actually in all of his classes. I see what he brings home. I review what he shares. I have no communication with his teachers. Neither he nor I require it. He is an amazing kid and has done great projects without any assistance. He uses Power Point. He uses the web and makes web blogs. He has been more technologically advanced than myself for years now. And, I'm completely OK with that. Completely.
His dad and I waited to speak with several teachers. We reviewed his report card of all A's and wondered who we should speak to. Speak to all of them? Speak to none of them? His dad and I confirmed that we really didn't need to be there. But parental obligations, we were. In my mind, I just wanted to skip it all and get to dinner with RUR, but even I managed to smile and be pleasant with teachers that said only four words. What does a teacher say when a parent has no questions, there are no problems and this student is getting 99.53%?
Funny thing though, T's worst class....Gym. We laughed when he told us he was getting a 97%, having missed two questions on the soccer test, when he played soccer this fall! So when we met with the teacher we said that we were surprised to hear that gym was his worst class. The teacher, scrambling through his papers was shocked. He couldn't believe that T wasn't getting an A. Oh he IS, it's just his lowest A yet, with the next lowest being 99.09%.
Too funny! Gym of all classes!
Pets
Seems like lately, there has been a lot of discussion about pets. I have been pet free for six years now and I love it! I have no interest in getting another pet - well kind of. See, I have entertained the idea of having a dog and walking and playing with a dog. But the reality of the situation, not a good fit for my lifestyle or a dog! I think if I were really interested, I would volunteer at a shelter or adopt a dog for a day or week to get my fix. Kind of like renting a child would be a great idea for people entertaining having a child!
JN is considering getting a dog. I gave her my opinion, which wasn't really asked for. She's doing respite on Wednesday until who knows when for a dog that she could keep if she desires.
One of my biggest issues with dogs...besides being on the furniture and potty training...is shedding.
And truth be told my hair around the house and down the drain is far more than I want!
JN is considering getting a dog. I gave her my opinion, which wasn't really asked for. She's doing respite on Wednesday until who knows when for a dog that she could keep if she desires.
One of my biggest issues with dogs...besides being on the furniture and potty training...is shedding.
And truth be told my hair around the house and down the drain is far more than I want!
Stockings
I wish that I were thinking of Christmas stockings or lingerie stockings, but I'm not. I have a prescription that I need to fill for my stockings for my varicose vein treatment. My procedure is a week away and I haven't bothered to look at the material or to pick up my fitted stockings.
Last night RUR came over before heading out of town for a two day training. He then decided he could postpone his initial departure time and wait until I finished up with parent teacher conferences and we could grab dinner before he hit the road. He had some work he needed to complete and when he went to grab his laptop I decided to flip through my material. He happened to walk behind me as I mentioned the prescription. He asked where I needed to pick up the stockings. I told him. And his comment...
You get to meet my ex-wife. She works there and she's the one that does the fittings! Fabulous.
I have to say that was a little flustering. I felt like I had lost my bearings. I didn't know what to say or what to think. How was I suppose to meet this man's ex-wife. And, truly, did he have to mention that? I would have been just fine with not knowing her or after the fact learning that it was his ex. Or putting two and two together if she wore a name tag.
All I can think...awkward. And to make matters more interesting, he's already talked to her about me. So yeah, my not so common name...she'll definitely put two and two together, no doubt.
Last night RUR came over before heading out of town for a two day training. He then decided he could postpone his initial departure time and wait until I finished up with parent teacher conferences and we could grab dinner before he hit the road. He had some work he needed to complete and when he went to grab his laptop I decided to flip through my material. He happened to walk behind me as I mentioned the prescription. He asked where I needed to pick up the stockings. I told him. And his comment...
You get to meet my ex-wife. She works there and she's the one that does the fittings! Fabulous.
I have to say that was a little flustering. I felt like I had lost my bearings. I didn't know what to say or what to think. How was I suppose to meet this man's ex-wife. And, truly, did he have to mention that? I would have been just fine with not knowing her or after the fact learning that it was his ex. Or putting two and two together if she wore a name tag.
All I can think...awkward. And to make matters more interesting, he's already talked to her about me. So yeah, my not so common name...she'll definitely put two and two together, no doubt.
Hope
Last week Wednesday night I met someone.
Not just anyone.
I met him.
He has a fabulous smile. He has a soft demeanor, a more than pleasant personality and eyes that gleam when they look at me. He can carry on a conversation and can and does listen intently. He understands the value of communication and even moreso the purpose or lack of, of silence. He is a parent - both a father and a dad. He loves his children and he loves your children. He has a heart and a soul.
He is a good man. Not the Good Man, Charlie Brown type. But a truly genuine, decent man.
He gives me faith. He gives me hope.
Thank you RUR...I could have never imagined that I would meet someone like you. I look forward to getting to know you better. I look forward to many todays and tomorrows...
Not just anyone.
I met him.
He has a fabulous smile. He has a soft demeanor, a more than pleasant personality and eyes that gleam when they look at me. He can carry on a conversation and can and does listen intently. He understands the value of communication and even moreso the purpose or lack of, of silence. He is a parent - both a father and a dad. He loves his children and he loves your children. He has a heart and a soul.
He is a good man. Not the Good Man, Charlie Brown type. But a truly genuine, decent man.
He gives me faith. He gives me hope.
Thank you RUR...I could have never imagined that I would meet someone like you. I look forward to getting to know you better. I look forward to many todays and tomorrows...
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Colorado
Many months ago, in my madness of purchasing off the auction, I purchased a condo for a week in Keystone Colorado. I had choice of one week during the months of January or February. Honestly, the Saturday - Saturday stay wouldn't have been my first choice since it doesn't bode well with my parenting schedule, but such is life.
When I purchased the condo, which sleeps six, I had talked about it with friends beforehand. I've had enough vacations gone awry as well as auction purchases that I thought were a good idea only to find them be more of a headache or stressful than I imagined.
I've also had too many vacations that I have planned to include a guy that I was dating at the time. Only to find that I didn't want to be dating them anymore or after the fact how much more fun I would have had without them. So this vacation, I will not invite anyone that I am dating or anyone that would want to date me. Really, I'm not that conceited, but I don't want to deal with being with someone for a week that isn't really interested in skiing and Colorado!
Finding six people who have the time and financial means has proven quite the challenge. Much more than I would have anticipated. I thought between the three of us that are going, we could have others or friends interested in going, not the case. TS had a couple that have backed out.
So as odd as it may seem, through the dating site, I was talking to someone that had lived in Summit County and was interested in skiing. We actually met a few weeks back for the sole purpose of the trip. I'm pretty sure he's not interested in dating me. I even suggested if he had a friend or two interested, it may be better. Kind of like being back in college for a week of co-habitating only to crash but everyone does their own thing. What better is that? Me not having to be responsible for everyone? He actually seems pretty normal and I'm hoping that it works out. He said that he has a friend interested in going, but hasn't confirmed.
I'm asking for half of the money for the week as a non-refundable deposit ($100). I really don't think $200 for a week at the base of Keystone is that unaffordable. It's the rest of the trip that is going to get costly - transportation, skiing, etc. We are considering driving out so we don't have to fly to Denver and then rent a car. We also won't have to worry about luggage and renting skis. I also love the idea of packing food for the trip as well! I just wonder how it's all going to come together. JN isn't sure she wants to drive out, opting to fly unless we stay in a hotel each night for the drive, which TS and I aren't interested in planning. I can only hope that the tension for a week is far less than the three of us in Chicago. I'm actually looking forward to some testosterone to add to the mix. TS suggested that we allow people to come along for only $100 for the condo, but I'm not that desperate to have more people take advantage of the trip! Besides, if they can't afford the extra $100, they likely can't afford skiing or their own entertainment either! I'm not about to sign up to be someone's personal entertainer too!
When I purchased the condo, which sleeps six, I had talked about it with friends beforehand. I've had enough vacations gone awry as well as auction purchases that I thought were a good idea only to find them be more of a headache or stressful than I imagined.
I've also had too many vacations that I have planned to include a guy that I was dating at the time. Only to find that I didn't want to be dating them anymore or after the fact how much more fun I would have had without them. So this vacation, I will not invite anyone that I am dating or anyone that would want to date me. Really, I'm not that conceited, but I don't want to deal with being with someone for a week that isn't really interested in skiing and Colorado!
Finding six people who have the time and financial means has proven quite the challenge. Much more than I would have anticipated. I thought between the three of us that are going, we could have others or friends interested in going, not the case. TS had a couple that have backed out.
So as odd as it may seem, through the dating site, I was talking to someone that had lived in Summit County and was interested in skiing. We actually met a few weeks back for the sole purpose of the trip. I'm pretty sure he's not interested in dating me. I even suggested if he had a friend or two interested, it may be better. Kind of like being back in college for a week of co-habitating only to crash but everyone does their own thing. What better is that? Me not having to be responsible for everyone? He actually seems pretty normal and I'm hoping that it works out. He said that he has a friend interested in going, but hasn't confirmed.
I'm asking for half of the money for the week as a non-refundable deposit ($100). I really don't think $200 for a week at the base of Keystone is that unaffordable. It's the rest of the trip that is going to get costly - transportation, skiing, etc. We are considering driving out so we don't have to fly to Denver and then rent a car. We also won't have to worry about luggage and renting skis. I also love the idea of packing food for the trip as well! I just wonder how it's all going to come together. JN isn't sure she wants to drive out, opting to fly unless we stay in a hotel each night for the drive, which TS and I aren't interested in planning. I can only hope that the tension for a week is far less than the three of us in Chicago. I'm actually looking forward to some testosterone to add to the mix. TS suggested that we allow people to come along for only $100 for the condo, but I'm not that desperate to have more people take advantage of the trip! Besides, if they can't afford the extra $100, they likely can't afford skiing or their own entertainment either! I'm not about to sign up to be someone's personal entertainer too!
Sick Leave
I am for the most part, very healthy. I have no complaints. I'm not a hypochondriac. While I really dislike the doctor, I do go for my yearly physical and occasionally go to the doctor when I have certain concerns.
With my employment, I earn two hours of sick leave a week. We can take two consecutive days of sick leave without question. Anything more and a doctor's note is required. I have friends who will take "mental health" sick days. I used to think that by taking one of these days, then I would get sick. Karma.
I have over the past couple years begun to realize that I earn my sick leave. If and when I leave my employer, I will lose my sick leave. I anticipate that when I leave, I will have some doctor's note that will justify my mental illness leave of many months prior to my actual termination date. While I'm not big on the lying and deception, I have tried to embrace the idea of using my sick leave intermittently. I stopped using my personal time for doctor appointments and started using sick time. I will occasionally take a mental health day and find myself sleeping in or cleaning the house. Things that I don't want to waste my weekends on.
I've also found that occasionally, I look for small medical reasons to use my sick leave. I know that this may sound odd, but it's the truth. Granted if I wanted to perfect myself, I could have surgery to make myself prettier. I could have a boob job to enhance my feminine qualities - however I have many reasons for not doing this: 1) My mom had a single mastectomy for breast cancer and never had reconstructive surgery, 2) God and my parents made me - I am who I am, 3) Being physically active I prefer to not have to wear the over the shoulder boulder holder or have chronic sore back and 4) I really prefer that men look at my eyes than my chest (one can hope, right?). I could also have a nose job. But like the reasons for not having a boob job, I haven't done that. I'm not really into cosmetic surgery, per se.
Having said that, I did have my tonsillectomy back when I was married - guessing at least seven years ago. I have absolutely no regrets - other than I wish I had done it sooner. I had reconstructive knee surgery in 2000 - again no regrets, wish I had done it sooner. So as I mentioned, I occasionally wonder what other small thing I can do to take some time off work and better myself.
My latest...I have Varicose Veins. I didn't know that's what they were. And when I work out, they get more intense and severe. I don't know how long I have had them and honestly I thought there was only one, well I guess I only took notice of the one. I have them on both legs. This summer, when I wore more dresses, I've had people question me about them. No one questions the long scar on my leg from my surgery, but they point out the purplish discolored looking bruise. I mentioned it at my recent physical and was referred to a specialist.
A few weeks ago I went to the specialist and he scheduled an ultrasound. I have never met someone who spoke so fast, I had difficulty understanding the doctor. I really have no idea what the procedure is. I went and had the ultrasound completed and learned that in fact the blood is not flowing the way that it should and fortunately I don't have any clots. The doctor informed me that I should call my insurance and that the procedure would be in the "high deductible" range and likely have a $1000 deductible. I found this odd since with my insurance I can't recall ever having a deductible but I figured this might be considered cosmetic. He then went on to say that while they had to charge the deductible if I wrote a letter that I couldn't pay, they would waive the charge. Odd.
I called my insurance company and talked to someone about the potential procedure. Since the doctor is "in network" the procedure is covered 100% and I don't have a deductible. Fabulous. So my gift to myself for post birthday, Endovenous Laser Treatment of the Saphenous Vein (EVLT). I could have had it done ON my birthday, but decided maybe if my son isn't with me for the weekend before to actually celebrate my birthday - then maybe a few days of sick leave and recovery time would be needed!
The doctor suggested that I could do both legs at the same time. But I figure I'll try one at a time and see how it goes before subjecting my other leg. Afterall, that's what I did with my RK eye surgery - and never had the other eye done.
With my employment, I earn two hours of sick leave a week. We can take two consecutive days of sick leave without question. Anything more and a doctor's note is required. I have friends who will take "mental health" sick days. I used to think that by taking one of these days, then I would get sick. Karma.
I have over the past couple years begun to realize that I earn my sick leave. If and when I leave my employer, I will lose my sick leave. I anticipate that when I leave, I will have some doctor's note that will justify my mental illness leave of many months prior to my actual termination date. While I'm not big on the lying and deception, I have tried to embrace the idea of using my sick leave intermittently. I stopped using my personal time for doctor appointments and started using sick time. I will occasionally take a mental health day and find myself sleeping in or cleaning the house. Things that I don't want to waste my weekends on.
I've also found that occasionally, I look for small medical reasons to use my sick leave. I know that this may sound odd, but it's the truth. Granted if I wanted to perfect myself, I could have surgery to make myself prettier. I could have a boob job to enhance my feminine qualities - however I have many reasons for not doing this: 1) My mom had a single mastectomy for breast cancer and never had reconstructive surgery, 2) God and my parents made me - I am who I am, 3) Being physically active I prefer to not have to wear the over the shoulder boulder holder or have chronic sore back and 4) I really prefer that men look at my eyes than my chest (one can hope, right?). I could also have a nose job. But like the reasons for not having a boob job, I haven't done that. I'm not really into cosmetic surgery, per se.
Having said that, I did have my tonsillectomy back when I was married - guessing at least seven years ago. I have absolutely no regrets - other than I wish I had done it sooner. I had reconstructive knee surgery in 2000 - again no regrets, wish I had done it sooner. So as I mentioned, I occasionally wonder what other small thing I can do to take some time off work and better myself.
My latest...I have Varicose Veins. I didn't know that's what they were. And when I work out, they get more intense and severe. I don't know how long I have had them and honestly I thought there was only one, well I guess I only took notice of the one. I have them on both legs. This summer, when I wore more dresses, I've had people question me about them. No one questions the long scar on my leg from my surgery, but they point out the purplish discolored looking bruise. I mentioned it at my recent physical and was referred to a specialist.
A few weeks ago I went to the specialist and he scheduled an ultrasound. I have never met someone who spoke so fast, I had difficulty understanding the doctor. I really have no idea what the procedure is. I went and had the ultrasound completed and learned that in fact the blood is not flowing the way that it should and fortunately I don't have any clots. The doctor informed me that I should call my insurance and that the procedure would be in the "high deductible" range and likely have a $1000 deductible. I found this odd since with my insurance I can't recall ever having a deductible but I figured this might be considered cosmetic. He then went on to say that while they had to charge the deductible if I wrote a letter that I couldn't pay, they would waive the charge. Odd.
I called my insurance company and talked to someone about the potential procedure. Since the doctor is "in network" the procedure is covered 100% and I don't have a deductible. Fabulous. So my gift to myself for post birthday, Endovenous Laser Treatment of the Saphenous Vein (EVLT). I could have had it done ON my birthday, but decided maybe if my son isn't with me for the weekend before to actually celebrate my birthday - then maybe a few days of sick leave and recovery time would be needed!
The doctor suggested that I could do both legs at the same time. But I figure I'll try one at a time and see how it goes before subjecting my other leg. Afterall, that's what I did with my RK eye surgery - and never had the other eye done.
35th Birthday
I rarely make a big deal about my birthday. This birthday, my 35th is no more monumental than the next. Regardless that I will be that much closer to 40 than to 30. Once, when I turned 30, I actually had plans to celebrate. Needless to say, two days prior my son's dad made it clear to me that his hunting took precedence. Therefore, my son was left to find his own sleeping arrangements for my birthday evening by making his own plans at school. I was mortified when I learned that his dad had encouraged him to do such thing.
Since then, I no longer make plans for my birthday. I prepare that with little to no notice, my son's dad will decide he's going out of town for up to 10 days to "deer hunt" although I have no recollection in the past decade that he's actually killed or even shot at a single dear during that time.
In years past I seem to be fixated on my bathroom as birthday presents to myself. One year I think I remodeled the bathroom while I was recovering from my tonsillectomy around my birthday. Another year I had my tub refurbished or painted or what have you - and by the way it looked amazing! Last year I had a new one piece surround installed. I'm running out of things to do with my one and only bathroom. It really could use a new look and a fresh coat of paint, but the reality, I love the color.
For years, at least eight of the ten that I've lived in my house, I've wanted to put an additional bathroom in my house. I would love to add a bathroom in the basement; however, my plumber friend refuses to do it and I haven't been motivated enough to find someone interested or able to give me a quote. My framing in my house is steel. I would need an up flush. Even this morning I was thinking about the addition of a bathroom. The reality, I don't need another bathroom, I want another bathroom.
This morning I received a call from a potential client. She had been completely misinformed about numerous things - it's amazing how much incorrect insight people can offer about things that they know nothing about! I even found myself laughing at some of the absurd things she had come to believe were true but fortunately she questioned to verify. In the midst of her questions she informed me that there were 14 years between she and her husband and that he was a "retired" plumber. I'm sure I crossed every line possible by saying that I was just considering a second bathroom.
Karma. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Karma. Maybe just maybe...yeah, probably not. But it is that time of year - my birthday!
Since then, I no longer make plans for my birthday. I prepare that with little to no notice, my son's dad will decide he's going out of town for up to 10 days to "deer hunt" although I have no recollection in the past decade that he's actually killed or even shot at a single dear during that time.
In years past I seem to be fixated on my bathroom as birthday presents to myself. One year I think I remodeled the bathroom while I was recovering from my tonsillectomy around my birthday. Another year I had my tub refurbished or painted or what have you - and by the way it looked amazing! Last year I had a new one piece surround installed. I'm running out of things to do with my one and only bathroom. It really could use a new look and a fresh coat of paint, but the reality, I love the color.
For years, at least eight of the ten that I've lived in my house, I've wanted to put an additional bathroom in my house. I would love to add a bathroom in the basement; however, my plumber friend refuses to do it and I haven't been motivated enough to find someone interested or able to give me a quote. My framing in my house is steel. I would need an up flush. Even this morning I was thinking about the addition of a bathroom. The reality, I don't need another bathroom, I want another bathroom.
This morning I received a call from a potential client. She had been completely misinformed about numerous things - it's amazing how much incorrect insight people can offer about things that they know nothing about! I even found myself laughing at some of the absurd things she had come to believe were true but fortunately she questioned to verify. In the midst of her questions she informed me that there were 14 years between she and her husband and that he was a "retired" plumber. I'm sure I crossed every line possible by saying that I was just considering a second bathroom.
Karma. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Karma. Maybe just maybe...yeah, probably not. But it is that time of year - my birthday!
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