Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Holiday Traditions

I wouldn't say that I come from a family of long traditions. Since my son's father and I split when my son was only six months old, any traditions that I may have had, went out the window. Specific dates have absolutely little meaning or worth to me. It isn't about the day, it's about the event. Celebrating when you can in the way that you can, that matters most. Maybe that was my was with accepting that for the next 18 years holidays would be alternated.

I do enjoy spending holidays with family. And while I prefer spending with my family, I think over the many years, I've actually welcomed celebrating them with others families as well. Not being in a relationship has been a wonderful welcome - no houses to split our time and schedule with, extra presents to buy, no additional obligations. The Ex-Bf's parents are also remarried, so between the four sets of families as well as my son's dad's visitation, holidays were more than hectic. This year, I had none of that. None.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve Day I spent wrapping gifts and catching up on movies. The guy that I'm spending time getting to know had asked if I wanted to get together after his family gathering. I really expected that it would be late and he would lose track of time, he didn't. Seeing that not much was open, he came over and we spent hours talking and watched a movie. It was nice. It was a Wednesday. No gift exchange. No pressure. Nice.

Christmas was spent at home with just my son. He opened his presents in a matter of ten minutes, if that. I even realized, not once did I consider getting out the camera and taking a picture. Seriously, what is wrong with me? It was just nice, pleasant and quaint. I made a decent dinner, but nothing too obscure or out of the ordinary - but my son did wish that I made the homemade stuffing instead of the Stove Top!

Today we will head to my parents to celebrate Christmas with family. Understandably, Christmas was almost a week ago now, but is it ever to late to celebrate with family? We won't be doing the midnight mass and opening one present or all of them before bed, Christmas Eve night. We won't be stealthily sneaking around the house early Christmas morn to see what gifts we were bestowed. Simple. Family. Love.

The one tradition that my son wants to do while we visit my parents, Costco. Yes, Costco. A few years back in November, my mom and son ran around Costco snagging samples and having a good time while I clothes shopped at a nearby store. My son treasures that experience. The one thing he asked for this year, another trip to Costco.

There is nothing like tradition. No matter how small, or trivial it may seem. It's always memorable and important.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Dating Terminology

I am by far a novice when it comes to dating. As my friends and family will vouch, if it can be done wrong, I likely will! I guess I missed the lesson on dating etiquette or forgot to read the blueprints.

For instance, I completely missed the chivalrous boat when out on lunch date. I arrived and my date was already there. He greeted me, I took off my coat. It wasn't until it was time to go that I realized I had ignored his chivalry not once, but twice. He stood up and said, "Let me help you with your coat this time."

Of course then I realized that he did attempt when I got there as well! But me, what did I do or say? "Thanks, but I got it."

I suppose the walking out to the parking lot and parting ways in the middle of the lot rather than allowing him to walk me to my car to say goodbye was probably a good indicator that we wouldn't see each other again, right? I actually didn't mean it that way, but in retrospect, that's the message I sent, wasn't it?

I was talking to the Ex-Bf yesterday. We were catching up over the past few days as I had been neglectful at returning calls. I cut the conversation short and told him I would call him back en route to the guy's house I was "dating".

He says, "DATING?"

Me, (I'm really not grasping the concept of what I said that was so outer space bizarre) "Yes."

He says, "So you are dating him now?"

(Mind you I'm completely out of it at this point. What was I doing before that was different then now? What was I suppose to say instead of dating? Is it really this complicated?)

Me, "Well dating, seeing, spending time with. What am I suppose to call it?"

He says, "I guess there is no chance for me then!"

Me, "Wait, what? There wasn't a chance to begin with, we are done. We can hang out as friends but we will never date again."

Dead silence...awkward silence....

So here's the thing, what is it that you call it when you date, see, spend time, go out with someone several times to get to know someone? I couldn't get the Ex-Bf to give me the proper terminology for it either.

The guy I had dinner with, fortunately, he was on the same page as me, so I guess that's really all that matters. Right?

Online Dating

I would say a vast majority of people have tried online dating, at one point in their lives or another. If they haven't actually met someone, they are at least aware and have probably ventured to a site or two. I have to say that there is something about being able to interact with others at the touch of your fingertips, although, I'm not saying that you always come across the cream of the crop.

I have to share a recent first email invitation from a fellow online dater - because if it weren't for my prior engagement, I may have found myself, married or dead had I felt inclined to respond - maybe I need to be more of a risk taker! (Mom, I'm seriously SOOO KIDDING!):

Hi I’m XXXX. I live in Columbus Ohio and it’s been a long time since I’ve seen a woman as attractive as yourself. Im a very easy going down to earth guy who likes spending time with friends and having fun. So you know little about mel, im a guy who likes having fun outside of work. I enjoy jogging (running races), and working out at the gym. I do cook on occassion (roasts, broil steaks, making cold salads, etc.). I make a mean chicken salad that has pineapple chunks and crunchy peas in it.I play the guitar and used to be in a local band. I practice on occasion to stay in tune (theres a pun !). I spend time with me 2 year old niece nad nephew every now and then. I love getting carryout (Chipotle, Long Horn Steak house ; there Sierra chicken is the bomb, Chinese, and Greek).

Im not a die-hard sports fan but like Hockey, Ohio State Football (go tailgating when I can) and golf. I play gold but am not very good at it.I have allot to bring to a relationship. Honestly, reliability, humor, compassion are a few qualities.

When asked why I haven't been married I just say my luck thus far, which is true. Course Ive been close, just hasn't happened, lol.I have an invitation for you that would be worth while and safe ! I told you about me because I’m certain one of the reasons you wouldn’t agree to the offer is because we don’t know each other, etc.. I wanted to break the ice so you would more likely consider the offer. I understand the holidays can be a busy time especially with kids etc. I believe arrangements can be made to accommodate this (Hopefully you wont feel I’m shallow suggesting it). There is a club in North Columbus that has gone back to it’s original name and it’s a hot spot with a great atmosphere and music. I would like for you to come join me this Friday evening there. I assure you it would be a trip you’l be glad you made and well hit it off great (im confident, if your wondering how im so sure).

I am a good host as I know the distance getting here could be much. It’s safe here and Id rather you not drive back after the evening is over due to how late it will be.I hope you’ll say you will come. My friends are sure to love you and well rise to a great dinner out somewhere (Bob Evans or something). If you wouldn’t mind at least discussing this with me so you can see from my voice that I’m harmless which would lessen your worries, please forward your number and ILL touch base (it’s a safe way to communicate).

Hope to hear from you soon.

Wow impressive, eh? For your enjoyment, other than the blocking of his name the text is in true format. I can only imagine how many other attractive women have received the exact same spammer email request. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. But if he strikes your fancy, let me know and I'll forward contact information. I'm all about being a matchmaker!

Directional Love

I'm finding more and more these days that I seem to be more in tune with my emotions. It seems like at every turn, I find myself loving something new or different. Maybe I've always been that way and I just wasn't in touch with my inner self. Like my new found love of dogs, babies, prescription drive thru's...

I am now officially in love with my GPS. I bought the 750 Garmin as my early Christmas gift to myself. Since I stayed pretty local for most of December, I didn't bother to use it, at all. I did use it when my son and I went to see the Grand Rapids Griffin Hockey game, our Christmas present from my brother and his family. Front row tickets to boot! Other than that, haven't really had the need to use it.

I found myself quite confused in the dark en route from a date's house. He had given me directions, four times due to the extreme water blocking roadways to his house. I managed to get to his house without any difficulty, but had to drive across a neighbor's side lot to avoid the lake otherwise known as his driveway. When leaving, I had my blue post-it trying to follow the directions backwards. I wish I could say I was successful. I wasn't.

I found my tires skidding all over the roadways, apparently black ice since they didn't look bad. Then I thought (first mistake - I thought) I went the right way, and not really sure, I continued, with a car on my tail down a hill and found myself seriously in a large pond in the middle of the street! I wish I could say I have some large monster truck that can drive through water with ease, but well my neon just isn't. Fortunately for me, it was dark and my instincts said to keep going, which I did make it through the abyss without too much damage other than the reoccurring screeching of the now wet fan belt! Completely lost and in towns I had barely passed through and completely unable to pronounce, I pulled over and hooked up my GPS. I silently hoped that I would be averted from any further water driving.

The GPS navigated me home! Amazing. I seriously could have spent hours trying to figure out where I was. I even trusted the GPS to go left when I would have swore I should have gone right. But knowing that I'm completely directionally incompetent, I am learning to trust. Trust in the small things in life that will get me where I need to go, and maybe even on time!

Drive Thru Drug Access

While I wish that I had some exciting new development into the accessibility of drugs, I don't, well unless you are me in my small world.

Every three months, I find myself in the exact same situation. I have no idea why I'm such a slow learner in some areas, and not in others. Sunday I realized that I was out of my prescription medication. I called in the refill, but didn't have time to pick it up when it would be ready.

This morning en route to work, I decided to swing by Meijer and run in to pick up my prescription. Meijer recently added a drive through prescription window, so I decided to give it a try. I even managed to pull in the drive in the correct way!

I am now officially in love with the convenience and easy access of refilling my prescription! By no means does that mean that I won't find myself out of them in another three months, but at least I know that I can drive through and grab them on the go and still be early to work!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Catch My Eye

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry, the woman says as she pops her eye back in place! 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You know, he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. She says, 'You just happened to catch my eye.'

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Year in Review

I found myself today reminiscing about the past year. Dreading the accumulation of mass inches of snow and willing for a speedy Spring, or at least a beginning winter thaw.

A year ago at this time, Ex-Bf and I were still together, the second time around. I wasn't happy in the relationship and knew that it needed to end. But when? There wasn't a right time. There wasn't a good time. What I thought was there was a bad time...Christmas holiday. So in order to not ruin his Christmas, we spent the holidays together and I ended the relationship after New Year's. He was more than shocked, although I honestly couldn't tell you why. I suppose now I should know, but I think that there was a lot of denial on his part, maybe both of ours. It's approaching the year anniversary of our break up. It's still very hard for him. I think the holidays are especially difficult for him. I suppose you are either a very traditional holiday person or not. I was talking to a friend of mine this evening that felt sad that I would be spending Christmas Eve alone. I'm not sad about it at all! I'm actually looking forward to it. I have gifts to wrap, movies to watch, sleep to catch up on, etc. To me, tomorrow is just Wednesday. For many, that isn't the case. Throughout the year, Ex-Bf and I have kept in touch, sometimes more frequently than others. It's been a lot more as of late due to his father's medical condition and of course my being single. There have been many times throughout this year that Ex-Bf has professed his seeing of the light and his changed personality. However, one thing remains constant, while I love Ex-Bf and he will always hold a special place in my heart and my life, I am not nor will I ever be in love with him, again.

Last December I found myself with a new temporary job assignment in Lansing, Michigan. I commuted to work for ten months while maintaining my regular caseload as best as I could and occasionally worked overtime. I had the opportunity to financially prosper as well as rekindling relationships with friends while staying mid-state. I returned back to my local office in September not really learning much, but having a new desire to do something. To do something different. I still am looking for different.

My New Years Resolution to myself was to travel. I was finally going to start living my dreams and get out there and do. Relationship free, I wasn't going to let anything stand in my way, no excuses to do what I wanted to do. This was the year that I was going to value my needs, wants and desires. That I am important to myself and I need to validate and recognize. Travel I did. I started the Spring off with my trip to London, England and Europe - Belgium, Holland, Germany, Austria, Italy, Switzerland and France. It was a whirlwind "sample" vacation that wet my whistle and allowed me to travel and meet some fabulous (and a few not so fabulous) people and to learn to be more comfortable with strangers and with myself. August found me on another trip, this time with my mother and son to Grenada and Trinidad. Where disappointment and dishonesty ran rampant, it reinforced my need to trust less. But it was a fabulous multi-generational trip with family that we will never forget. In October my girl friend and I went to the Riviera Maya, Mexico for a quick four night all-inclusive haven. Due to all the international traveling, U.S. traveling was reduced to a minimum. I did spend a few weekends traveling - Cedar Point, OH, Traverse City and even hit the Paw Paw Wine and Harvest Festival. I enjoyed wonderful, lifetime experiences and memories. I hope that this is just the first of many years that I will be traveling internationally although there is still much in the United States that I would like to see and do.

On the home front, last year ended with the remodel of the basement. The kitchen had a minor overhaul with sink, counter tops and flooring as well earlier last year. This year the house didn't need much. I did have the exterior painted as well as adding concrete to extend the driveway to allow for a car to strategically park. I also had the shower surround replaced. While it's disappointing that the value of homes has plummeted not to regain value for potential decades, there has similarly been a decline in taxes yielding an end of the year escrow refund! I'm still loving my house although I long for a second bathroom, always. It's nice to know that I have the comforts of home, employment and family that allow me to live the life I do.

In June I decided to try the dating thing again, six months after the break up with Ex-Bf, traveling, finding myself and enjoying my friends and hobbies. I quickly found myself in a relationship with a very sweet man trying to make the impossible possible. All in all, it just wasn't and I will leave it at that. He holds a special place in my heart. To this day, despite everything, there is something about that man that I can't explain. Something that because of him, I felt and I found. Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe it was me. Maybe I learned how to love again. Learned how to enjoy and be open, to be in a position to want companionship and a partner. And for that, I'm truly blessed to have had the relationship.

I've found myself back in the dating scene, after swearing it off prematurely. Because I do know that I have the capacity to love and to be loved. To want to have someone in my life and to be able to share it with someone. If it happens, it happens. But I also recognize what I don't want and that understanding how to avoid what isn't right or healthy is more important than being in a relationship, ever. I'm not needy or desperate. If and when the time comes, I'm sure that I will be willing to openly embrace it from the other side of my highly guarded walls with my bull dog mascots and armed forces!

In regard to my parenting and my son, our relationship remains a constant force to be reckoned. We have an extremely strong bond and relationship, one that often scares me. One that I worry will affect his ability to be independent, to seek friendships, to learn how to fall and get back up. He is a fabulous youth. He is intelligent, athletic, compassionate and honest. We have gone through several firsts along the pre-adolescent ride and we have survived. We will continue to survive.

Last December seems so long ago. So different. My year journey is coming to a close. I'm thankful for my family and friends. For my health and wellness. I'm thankful for employment and housing. I'm thankful for the things that at this time last year I may have taken for granted but do not any longer due to the declining economy of the United States. I've grown a lot, or maybe it is obtaining more maturity. I've looked inside myself this year and have made changes that I believe have made me a better person.

Happy Holidays everyone, to you and yours. May the Season bring you happiness, health and all that you wish and desire. Bring on the New Year!

Blogging Hiatus

I was reminded this morning how I haven't been blogging. Of course this is something that I am more than well aware. I'm struggling with what to blog and not blog about. There are many things going on, but many things that are probably left best not shared. I knew that my blogging had the potential to offend or hurt others, in an unintentional way. Afterall, it's my journal of my thoughts and I type sometimes quicker than I think.

I can't blog about work. Who knows who may come across it and what ramifications if any there may be. There are huge changes in our office, many that will affect me personally, others not so much directly. It will be interesting to see how things matriculate and if I'll find myself with new and different responsibilities that will fill a void that I've been missing at work for a while now, interest and work.

I question whether or not I should blog about relationships. It's a tough call and I'm clearly no expert in the relationship categories. I find many stories amusing but wonder how others will read them and respond. Maybe what I found entertaining isn't so much to others.

My girl friends tell me to blog. They miss reading what may or may not be happening. Afterall, maybe with my blog, I'll spend less time on the phone and therefore make my son happier! In addition, I actually enjoy blogging. It's an emotional release that I haven't been able to find anywhere else. It's about the equivalent of projectile vomiting (pre-dry heaves) when you are more than intoxicated and you feel so much better after you get sick.

Yeah, blogging is kind of like that...wrapping my arms around the porcelain god praying for it to get better and when I'm done and I rinse my mouth and push back the moistened hair from my damp brow, I actually do feel like I've accomplished something and feel better. A little bit of heaven after intense hell...

Disappointment

Tonight I sit here saddened. Sad that again I have disappointed and let someone down. It almost seems like a common recurrence these days, but I let down the most important person in my life, my son.

It wasn't anything intentional. Maybe I just thought that his quickly approaching twelve, maybe it was time for me to have some of my own time. To allow him to have his own time too. I don't want to be his best friend and playmate forever, but I suppose in my own way, I was separating from him without his consent.

I tucked my son in tonight, hours past his regular bedtime due to the holiday recess and I noticed he was upset. Like me, he has that emotional streak of inability to keep his emotions off his face and sleeve. He of course is more vulnerable due to innocence and lack of guardedness and deepened scars of pain and disappointment that I carry forth.

I hung up the phone immediately and asked him what was wrong. I received his typical "nothing" answer as he quickly burst into long gasping, drawn out sobs. He was able to muster that when he is with me I am "always on the phone!" This of course is not true, but in his mind it is. I tried to explain that I do my best to talk after he is in bed, but sometimes this doesn't happen.

What really matters is what he thinks and he feels. In his world, he's losing his mom, the one rock and salvation he has had for almost twelve years. The person that has put him first before everything. First before everyone. And he doesn't like it one bit.

I can't say that I blame him. Does he need to take the backseat in both homes? It isn't my time to be selfish. Not yet, I still have six more years, right?

My son means more to me than anything and like him, it saddens me to the core that I have disappointed him.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Little Johnny

'Bout time for a post - and what better than a Little Johnny Joke?

Little Johnny Strikes Again!:

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating."

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally,but I wanted you to use the word fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him for his offering.

Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons,but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight. '"

The teacher sat down and cried.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Broken Heart

Tonight when I came home from work I found a note on the kitchen counter and my son bawling at the kitchen table. I had no idea what had happened. He can occasionally be an overly sensitive pre-adolescent so it could have been anything from a failed test to not feeling well to something entirely different.

Then I read the note. "We all don't want to be your Friend From T,T,J,PAA" (and underneath the letters were the names of the friends - written by my son).

My heart sank. A lump welled into my throat. All the insecurities of youth and even adulthood came flooding back to me. Of peer pressure and targeting, of being picked on, of losing best friends you thought would be forever. I tried not to cry. I tried to hold it together for my weepy son, but I couldn't. I can't.

I had even hoped it was a mistake. That the note was intended for someone else. It wasn't wrong of me to wish that, was it? But on the front of the note it said "To XXXXXX". No mistake.

He had no idea why five of his best friends have turned against him. I questioned him about his actions, his behaviors, his words. We talked. We cried. We tried to come up with answers. My son, to my knowledge, has always been an over achiever at everything. He's an excellent student who will be taking the ACT in Feburary (at 11) to test for a special program through the nearby college for 7th and 8th graders, he's been in the gifted and talented program for two years, he's a great sport, he's an excellent athlete, he is kind and courteous and is an all around good kid. Granted, I know I'm his mother, but I've been told this by teachers, friends, acquaintances, etc. so I'm not completely bias; however, he can be somewhat competitive and his own worst critic (like his mother). I wondered if jealousy may have had something to do with it or if somehow my 6th grade son's behavior and attitude was becoming cocky or bullying without my knowledge.

With his permission, I called one of the mother's of the kids to see if her son had said anything about my son's behaviors. She wasn't aware of the note, but did say that her son had said a few things for the past few weeks about my son. She couldn't remember anything specific but along the lines that he is a "Know it all". She would talk to her son and call me back but also thought that maybe my son wasn't being inclusive in his friendships and was being mean.

An hour and a half later and many tears between my son and I, we had processed the note and school in detail. From conversations that we have had to what he may or may not say with his friends. These are some friends he's had since first grade! He denied ridiculing one for not making the honor roll or for another not being athletic. And, I believe him. I can see his competitive side on the basketball court not passing the ball to a worse player if their team was losing but he's not a ball hog. I asked him if it had to do with girls, he said he doesn't like girls as one of the friend's is a girl. He and I were at a loss.

What it boils down to is...kids don't need a reason. Kids can be mean. Kids can be jealous. Kids can target and ridicule others. Often it stems from jealousy but not always. And all it takes is for one to start and others will follow. It's a hard lesson to learn, but unfortunately it doesn't end with just kids.

We talked about his options. The way I see it, he had two. He could either confront his friends about the note (that was mysteriously dropped on his backpack at the end of the day) and ask what he had done, see if he could change things and make amends and be friends or he could act like he never got the note and see how the friends treated him tomorrow. The choice was his.

I offered to go to the school or to see about getting all of the youth together to talk it out. I did advise that my calling T's mom may make things worse as would going to the school. If T told the others that I had called his mom, it would or could potentially make things worse for my son. But in my son's eyes, this was as bad as it could get, although I knew from experience this could only be the beginning. He passed on me going to the school.

T's mom called back and T had told her that my son was exclusive, that he "flirted" with the girl friend and was a ball hog on the basketball court. He also referenced some things from 4th and 5th grade as well. T was actually the one that wrote the letter suggested by the girl and informed to actually write it by the other T. I didn't know that her son wrote the letter, nor did my son. Apparently her son, also sensitive was jealous of my son. Jealous of his athletic ability. Jealous that he felt his best friend was being taken away by my son. Jealous that the girl friend (A) that he liked was being flirted by my son. Motivated by jealousy...her son would be apologizing to mine at school and even offered to do so on the phone but my son, teary eyed said he didn't want to talk to him. He couldn't talk to him. I didn't blame him, I was crying for him too. Crying for him, crying for the hatred and meanness of peers, crying because friendships shouldn't be like this.

I addressed all of T's complaints with my son. He denied all of them. When I asked him if he knew what flirting was, he didn't. He doesn't like A that way. My son, heaven forbid, is like me. Naive. Naive to think that everyone can just get along. Everyone can be friends. Unfortunately it isn't true. Jealousy exists, even amongst best friends. And truth be told, if best friends will do that, are they really best friends?

But in the end, all that matters is that my heart aches for the broken heart of my son. For his first unfairness and targeting of peers. I wish that I could take his pain away. I wish that I could promise it will be better, that they will be friends tomorrow, that this will never happen again.

But, I can't. And that's where it SUCKS. When kissing the hurts and boo-boos no longer takes away the pain of your child. When you can't make all the wrongs right. When you feel like you have disappointed your offspring because you can't make everything better. And that sometimes, when life gives you lemons you need to learn how to make lemonade.

I'm in Love

I really didn't think it would happen this fast. I wasn't looking for love. I wasn't hoping to meet anyone, and then...it happened.

I had a court hearing to attend to this morning and felt compelled to sit in on the next hearing that I had been involved. I was sitting in the jury box near the Guardian Ad Litem and then...he walked into the courtroom.

My breath became shallow. My heart raced and then it felt as if it were melting like butter. I watched him from across the court room. I couldn't take my eyes off him, despite listening intently to the Judge and the actual proceedings of the hearing. I was fascinated by his large, dark brown eyes. Everytime I looked away, I was drawn back for another look.

I didn't care that my watching him was obvious. I smiled. He smiled back. I gave a slight raise of the hand wave and he gave an ever so cute wave back. I could see the glint in his eyes, the eyes of innocence. The smile so pure, so completely mesmerizing.

After the hearing I had to meet him. I had to know who he was. And me in my somewhat shy and cowardly way, walked directly across the courtroom and behind the swinging entrance to the back of the courtroom to meet him.

And if I wasn't completely enamoured with him from across the room, I fell harder than even I thought possible when he said his name. More than anything I wanted to embrace him, to hold him tight against me. To show him love and affection, to take him home with me and make him mine. After his name, I asked him a very important and personal question, I asked him how old he was, at which point he shoved four beautiful little fingers directly in front of my face.

He was brilliant. He was adorable. And despite everything I think, everything rational, I wanted to take him home. According to the foster mother, so does everyone else!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Awkward Ashes

My girlfriend (TS) loves bunnies and rabbits. She had four, unfortunately as of late she only has two. Her second bunny passed away before Thanksgiving entering the gates of fluffy bunny heaven, making room at the house for her new infant son born on 11/25/08.

My plans were to visit my girlfriend and Little One after I attended a few court hearings today. In the midst of getting ready for work TS called me. She asked if I could do her a favor before heading up to visit (also before heading to the court hearing 30 minutes away, in 60 minutes...), so of course I said, "Sure. What do you need?"

TS asked if I could pick up Jake's remains at the animal hospital. She said that they had already been paid for and she would call and let them know I would be in to pick him up shortly.

Excited to be getting out of the office and visiting TS and Little One, I may have appeared a little too happy walking into the animal hospital. A young man, of maybe 20 or so was standing behind the front desk and here's how the awkward conversation went:

Me: "Good Morning. I'm here to pick up Jake for TS."
Him: "Ok." He comes up to the computer and sits down.
Him: "Who are you here for?"
Me: "I'm here to pick up Jake."
Him: "Ok, and why is Jake here?" Awkward...
Me: "He was cremated and I'm here to pick up his remains." DEAD Silence...
Him: (stammering) "Ohhhh, I'mmmm sssssooooorrrrryyyy."

He gets up and walks over to the counter behind him where a little gift bag is sitting with a receipt out of it. He picks the bag up and the conversation continues:

Him: "Are you TS?"
Me: "No." He puts the bag back down.
Me: "No, I'm TS's friend and I'm here to pick up Jake."
Him: shoulders raising and HUGE sigh of relief, "Oh, Ok."

How awkward was that? I couldn't imagine if Jake had been my dear beloved pet. Maybe I was too excited walking in. Or maybe the young man was so enamoured with me and my beauty that he managed to not hear a single word I said. Or maybe the real truth...He is a man - they don't listen.

To continue on in my awkward issues type of way after leaving the animal hospital, I set Jake on the floor of my front passenger seat. Then I was concerned that I wasn't being respectful to Jake or that with a quick stop of the car he would literally go flying around the floor, so I carefully set Jake on the front passenger seat safely wedged between the seat and my purse. The last thing I needed was to explain to TS that I couldn't be responsible with Jake! Fortunately, Jake made it safe and sound to the loving arms of TS who coddled and kissed his remains and laid him to rest with his sister bunny in a beautiful bowl in the baby's room.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Spirit of Giving

For some reason after leaving the court house en route to pick up Starbucks for a co-worker, I decided to take the highway. I was still pondering customer service in society today when I decided I wanted to donate. I'm not sure why, but I was afraid if I didn't do some charitable contribution and soon, it would be a fleeting moment.

A mile up the road I took the turn into the long drive to the animal humane society. Checkbook in hand in the rain, I walked up to the door. I was greeted by a sign that said that they didn't open until noon, another hour. There wasn't a donation box. No mailbox. No call button. There was however an animal drop off door around back.

I walked through the rain and slush of the snow to the back door to be greeted by the same sign. However this one added, "NO EXCEPTIONS."

What was I suppose to do? I wanted to give money. If I got back into the car, I knew that I wouldn't send a check in the mail. It had to be NOW. I knocked repeatedly on the door, to no avail.

Then, I went back to the front door again. Someone walked by the door and I proceeded to knock (err bang) until the lady finally, exasperated came to unlock the door for me. Apparently she didn't feel in the spirit of receiving, but I wasn't giving up on giving. Even with the stench, I stood there waiting for my receipt petting a rambunctious knee high puppy that jumped, chewed and shed on me. And, I liked it. Despite the smell of course.

See, puppies/dogs are truly likely babies for me - as much as I try to convince myself that I don't want or need one and I stay away from them, the truth is that they find a way into my heart, quickly. And, if I could, I would bundle them all up and bring them home!

Customer Service

I think I expect better customer service during the holidays. I'm not sure why exactly. I suppose it's because it's the season of giving, and maybe that means giving good service.

Sadly, I am mistaken. Time and time again, I seem to be confronted by extremely poor customer service. Today was clearly no exception.

I went up to the court house to drop off some paperwork for a co-worker. I have an access key that provides me entrance through the back door, but I decided that I would walk in and go to the counter. I bypassed the security guard/uniformed police officer chatting on the phone and walked around the metal detector. He waved at me, but I think he knew that I wasn't stopping regardless. I believe he likely recognized me, despite my infrequent visits to the court over the past year. Anyway...

There are two service windows at the court. Imagine half of a stop sign - with the door being the top and the windows on the sides. I went to the window on my right. The woman finally addressed me and when I said who I needed to drop the envelope off for she told me to go to the other window. Mind you, there is literally less than ten steps (walking not baby) between the windows! I went to the other window and the girl was chatting away with a co-worker standing behind her. She did not acknowledge me or stop her holiday banter with the man.

Knowing that the envelope wouldn't slide under the window, I used my key card and walked in and handed her the package. She seemed a little flustered since she wasn't ready to acknowledge my existence.

I don't expect to be treated any differently than a "customer". The sad thing, I wasn't.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Christmas Toilet Issues

I could seriously blog all day long about my issues of Christmas. Issues that I had while trying to assemble my 7' artificial tree that I left the lights on from last year to save time. I could blog about the decorations that I haphazardly packed that each year I find more of them chipped and broken. I could blog about the great decorations we made with applesauce and cinnamon and beads that were in pieces this year, but the decorations smelled good. I could blog about how I hate the snow and my driveway since I continuously give my yard a lawn job. But I won't.

What I will blog about is the insanity of Christmas decor. I understand that I am not the easiest person to shop for. I do know this. I am more practical than most and if I want something, I buy it. Enough said.

Every year when I pull out my Christmas things to decorate I am pleasantly reminded of new Christmas gifts. Easiest gifts are Christmas things. Snowmen, ornaments, whatever. I do sometimes even like Christmas, of course these are during my relatively non-bah humbug moments of the holiday - which seem to be less and less each year. Anyway...

Several years ago, maybe more than that but who's counting?, my step-mother (and father) gave me a toilet bowl cover and a hand towel, a Christmas toilet bowl cover and hand towel no less. And each year I forget about it, until it's time to decorate.

Doesn't everyone want and need an LCD lit snowman toilet bowl cover for the holidays?

Seriously...

Google Search

Search engines are absolutely amazing! Having the world at our fingertips to search what we are thinking, questioning or wanting to know - through google, yahoo or any other of the multiple options is clearly new age.

Although, I'm sure that new age is really far more advanced than I am today in my yesterday ways of searching via the internet. But for now, it works.

Last night my son and I had a discussion while washing dishes (sans dish washer) about the "Purple Man". Let me mention that previously we were talking about spoiled milk that he had consumed at his father's house that morning and how nasty it was! Then he proceeded to tell me that the "Purple Man" turned purple from eating expired pancake mix! Seriously?

So in truly pre-adolescent new age fashion, my son told me to, "Google it!". I was pretty sure expired pancake mix wasn't the cause of the man's permanent skin discoloration, but what did I do?

I found myself down at the computer after my son's numerous prompting, Googling, "Purple Man Pancake". Needless to say, I didn't find what I was looking for.

But isn't it amazing that with a few clicks we can do searches for anything? And even more fascinated am I by what some people actually search for. Truly amazed.

Awkward & Best Friend

My son's latest craze of a word, "awkward". Everything is awkward.

My mom is one of my best friends, without any hesitation of the word. Clearly we have our disagreements, as all friends do. My mom is outgoing, even in the most awkward of situations, whereas I am not. My mom will talk to anyone, anywhere.

This week I actually learned of my father's family Christmas party. My parents were married for 21 years and divorced sometime after my senior year in high school, over 15 years ago. Since their divorce, my annual attendance at the family Christmas party has been almost non-existent. I can tell you I've been less than a handful of times, that I do know. I can also say that I've taken my son once to my knowledge, which was several years ago.

Obviously, I am not close with my dad's family. Outside of the annual Christmas party, I have had little contact. Not even the occasional wedding or funeral. And, I feel bad about this. As a teenager I recall talking to one of my much older cousins and saying, "Who is that? Who is that?" Now that my relatives have married, divorced, remarried and added slews of children, I know even less than the few that I did know. And for me...this is the epitome of awkward.

But, I also know that unless I make an effort to reacquaint myself with my father's family, I will never know them, my son will never know them. I've accepted the fact that I will never know which generation of cousins removed they are, but knowing them at all is the first step. Baby steps.

Years ago when I went to the last Christmas Party, when I wasn't hiding in the corner being shy, my relatives that I knew did inquire about my mom. Like almost everyone, they love my mom. And, I wouldn't hesitate to say that love is an over exaggeration. Ok, maybe they don't love her, but there is a general "like" which might even be stronger than love.

So what did I do? I invited my mom (err one of my best friends) to attend the Christmas party with my son and I. My dad and his wife won't be there, nor will my aunt that I talk to via email.

Is that awkward?

***Update - the snow Gods have better plans that will keep us home bound from the 3 hour plus trek across state for the party.

Plain White T's 1234

In High School I had a "best friend" that would always comment about new songs on the radio. She would turn the volume up super loud and 99.9% of the time she would say, "I hate this song now, but I know that I'm going to love it later!"

I always used to think that was really odd. Or maybe she was just really odd. Regardless, I find myself some 20 years later thinking the same things. Is it really about getting old or what comes around goes around?

This morning on my way home from dropping my son off at school I heard the new Plain White T's 1234 song. I have no idea what I think about it. It's along the same lines as The Killers "Are We Human or Are We Dancers?" song. I just feel at a loss. It makes me reminisce about Pink Floyd and all of my friends that found their songs so fascinating when they were high. I just liked them sober, but was I missing out on something?

Let me know what you think about 1234, because all I can think of after hearing it for the first time...a glorified Barney song or a crazed song that may make it big in dance clubs and with tweeners - maybe the new age YMCA song of sorts.

www.6lyrics.com/music/plain_white_t_s/lyrics/1234