Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Holiday Traditions

I wouldn't say that I come from a family of long traditions. Since my son's father and I split when my son was only six months old, any traditions that I may have had, went out the window. Specific dates have absolutely little meaning or worth to me. It isn't about the day, it's about the event. Celebrating when you can in the way that you can, that matters most. Maybe that was my was with accepting that for the next 18 years holidays would be alternated.

I do enjoy spending holidays with family. And while I prefer spending with my family, I think over the many years, I've actually welcomed celebrating them with others families as well. Not being in a relationship has been a wonderful welcome - no houses to split our time and schedule with, extra presents to buy, no additional obligations. The Ex-Bf's parents are also remarried, so between the four sets of families as well as my son's dad's visitation, holidays were more than hectic. This year, I had none of that. None.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve Day I spent wrapping gifts and catching up on movies. The guy that I'm spending time getting to know had asked if I wanted to get together after his family gathering. I really expected that it would be late and he would lose track of time, he didn't. Seeing that not much was open, he came over and we spent hours talking and watched a movie. It was nice. It was a Wednesday. No gift exchange. No pressure. Nice.

Christmas was spent at home with just my son. He opened his presents in a matter of ten minutes, if that. I even realized, not once did I consider getting out the camera and taking a picture. Seriously, what is wrong with me? It was just nice, pleasant and quaint. I made a decent dinner, but nothing too obscure or out of the ordinary - but my son did wish that I made the homemade stuffing instead of the Stove Top!

Today we will head to my parents to celebrate Christmas with family. Understandably, Christmas was almost a week ago now, but is it ever to late to celebrate with family? We won't be doing the midnight mass and opening one present or all of them before bed, Christmas Eve night. We won't be stealthily sneaking around the house early Christmas morn to see what gifts we were bestowed. Simple. Family. Love.

The one tradition that my son wants to do while we visit my parents, Costco. Yes, Costco. A few years back in November, my mom and son ran around Costco snagging samples and having a good time while I clothes shopped at a nearby store. My son treasures that experience. The one thing he asked for this year, another trip to Costco.

There is nothing like tradition. No matter how small, or trivial it may seem. It's always memorable and important.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Dating Terminology

I am by far a novice when it comes to dating. As my friends and family will vouch, if it can be done wrong, I likely will! I guess I missed the lesson on dating etiquette or forgot to read the blueprints.

For instance, I completely missed the chivalrous boat when out on lunch date. I arrived and my date was already there. He greeted me, I took off my coat. It wasn't until it was time to go that I realized I had ignored his chivalry not once, but twice. He stood up and said, "Let me help you with your coat this time."

Of course then I realized that he did attempt when I got there as well! But me, what did I do or say? "Thanks, but I got it."

I suppose the walking out to the parking lot and parting ways in the middle of the lot rather than allowing him to walk me to my car to say goodbye was probably a good indicator that we wouldn't see each other again, right? I actually didn't mean it that way, but in retrospect, that's the message I sent, wasn't it?

I was talking to the Ex-Bf yesterday. We were catching up over the past few days as I had been neglectful at returning calls. I cut the conversation short and told him I would call him back en route to the guy's house I was "dating".

He says, "DATING?"

Me, (I'm really not grasping the concept of what I said that was so outer space bizarre) "Yes."

He says, "So you are dating him now?"

(Mind you I'm completely out of it at this point. What was I doing before that was different then now? What was I suppose to say instead of dating? Is it really this complicated?)

Me, "Well dating, seeing, spending time with. What am I suppose to call it?"

He says, "I guess there is no chance for me then!"

Me, "Wait, what? There wasn't a chance to begin with, we are done. We can hang out as friends but we will never date again."

Dead silence...awkward silence....

So here's the thing, what is it that you call it when you date, see, spend time, go out with someone several times to get to know someone? I couldn't get the Ex-Bf to give me the proper terminology for it either.

The guy I had dinner with, fortunately, he was on the same page as me, so I guess that's really all that matters. Right?

Online Dating

I would say a vast majority of people have tried online dating, at one point in their lives or another. If they haven't actually met someone, they are at least aware and have probably ventured to a site or two. I have to say that there is something about being able to interact with others at the touch of your fingertips, although, I'm not saying that you always come across the cream of the crop.

I have to share a recent first email invitation from a fellow online dater - because if it weren't for my prior engagement, I may have found myself, married or dead had I felt inclined to respond - maybe I need to be more of a risk taker! (Mom, I'm seriously SOOO KIDDING!):

Hi I’m XXXX. I live in Columbus Ohio and it’s been a long time since I’ve seen a woman as attractive as yourself. Im a very easy going down to earth guy who likes spending time with friends and having fun. So you know little about mel, im a guy who likes having fun outside of work. I enjoy jogging (running races), and working out at the gym. I do cook on occassion (roasts, broil steaks, making cold salads, etc.). I make a mean chicken salad that has pineapple chunks and crunchy peas in it.I play the guitar and used to be in a local band. I practice on occasion to stay in tune (theres a pun !). I spend time with me 2 year old niece nad nephew every now and then. I love getting carryout (Chipotle, Long Horn Steak house ; there Sierra chicken is the bomb, Chinese, and Greek).

Im not a die-hard sports fan but like Hockey, Ohio State Football (go tailgating when I can) and golf. I play gold but am not very good at it.I have allot to bring to a relationship. Honestly, reliability, humor, compassion are a few qualities.

When asked why I haven't been married I just say my luck thus far, which is true. Course Ive been close, just hasn't happened, lol.I have an invitation for you that would be worth while and safe ! I told you about me because I’m certain one of the reasons you wouldn’t agree to the offer is because we don’t know each other, etc.. I wanted to break the ice so you would more likely consider the offer. I understand the holidays can be a busy time especially with kids etc. I believe arrangements can be made to accommodate this (Hopefully you wont feel I’m shallow suggesting it). There is a club in North Columbus that has gone back to it’s original name and it’s a hot spot with a great atmosphere and music. I would like for you to come join me this Friday evening there. I assure you it would be a trip you’l be glad you made and well hit it off great (im confident, if your wondering how im so sure).

I am a good host as I know the distance getting here could be much. It’s safe here and Id rather you not drive back after the evening is over due to how late it will be.I hope you’ll say you will come. My friends are sure to love you and well rise to a great dinner out somewhere (Bob Evans or something). If you wouldn’t mind at least discussing this with me so you can see from my voice that I’m harmless which would lessen your worries, please forward your number and ILL touch base (it’s a safe way to communicate).

Hope to hear from you soon.

Wow impressive, eh? For your enjoyment, other than the blocking of his name the text is in true format. I can only imagine how many other attractive women have received the exact same spammer email request. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. But if he strikes your fancy, let me know and I'll forward contact information. I'm all about being a matchmaker!

Directional Love

I'm finding more and more these days that I seem to be more in tune with my emotions. It seems like at every turn, I find myself loving something new or different. Maybe I've always been that way and I just wasn't in touch with my inner self. Like my new found love of dogs, babies, prescription drive thru's...

I am now officially in love with my GPS. I bought the 750 Garmin as my early Christmas gift to myself. Since I stayed pretty local for most of December, I didn't bother to use it, at all. I did use it when my son and I went to see the Grand Rapids Griffin Hockey game, our Christmas present from my brother and his family. Front row tickets to boot! Other than that, haven't really had the need to use it.

I found myself quite confused in the dark en route from a date's house. He had given me directions, four times due to the extreme water blocking roadways to his house. I managed to get to his house without any difficulty, but had to drive across a neighbor's side lot to avoid the lake otherwise known as his driveway. When leaving, I had my blue post-it trying to follow the directions backwards. I wish I could say I was successful. I wasn't.

I found my tires skidding all over the roadways, apparently black ice since they didn't look bad. Then I thought (first mistake - I thought) I went the right way, and not really sure, I continued, with a car on my tail down a hill and found myself seriously in a large pond in the middle of the street! I wish I could say I have some large monster truck that can drive through water with ease, but well my neon just isn't. Fortunately for me, it was dark and my instincts said to keep going, which I did make it through the abyss without too much damage other than the reoccurring screeching of the now wet fan belt! Completely lost and in towns I had barely passed through and completely unable to pronounce, I pulled over and hooked up my GPS. I silently hoped that I would be averted from any further water driving.

The GPS navigated me home! Amazing. I seriously could have spent hours trying to figure out where I was. I even trusted the GPS to go left when I would have swore I should have gone right. But knowing that I'm completely directionally incompetent, I am learning to trust. Trust in the small things in life that will get me where I need to go, and maybe even on time!

Drive Thru Drug Access

While I wish that I had some exciting new development into the accessibility of drugs, I don't, well unless you are me in my small world.

Every three months, I find myself in the exact same situation. I have no idea why I'm such a slow learner in some areas, and not in others. Sunday I realized that I was out of my prescription medication. I called in the refill, but didn't have time to pick it up when it would be ready.

This morning en route to work, I decided to swing by Meijer and run in to pick up my prescription. Meijer recently added a drive through prescription window, so I decided to give it a try. I even managed to pull in the drive in the correct way!

I am now officially in love with the convenience and easy access of refilling my prescription! By no means does that mean that I won't find myself out of them in another three months, but at least I know that I can drive through and grab them on the go and still be early to work!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Catch My Eye

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry, the woman says as she pops her eye back in place! 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You know, he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. She says, 'You just happened to catch my eye.'

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Year in Review

I found myself today reminiscing about the past year. Dreading the accumulation of mass inches of snow and willing for a speedy Spring, or at least a beginning winter thaw.

A year ago at this time, Ex-Bf and I were still together, the second time around. I wasn't happy in the relationship and knew that it needed to end. But when? There wasn't a right time. There wasn't a good time. What I thought was there was a bad time...Christmas holiday. So in order to not ruin his Christmas, we spent the holidays together and I ended the relationship after New Year's. He was more than shocked, although I honestly couldn't tell you why. I suppose now I should know, but I think that there was a lot of denial on his part, maybe both of ours. It's approaching the year anniversary of our break up. It's still very hard for him. I think the holidays are especially difficult for him. I suppose you are either a very traditional holiday person or not. I was talking to a friend of mine this evening that felt sad that I would be spending Christmas Eve alone. I'm not sad about it at all! I'm actually looking forward to it. I have gifts to wrap, movies to watch, sleep to catch up on, etc. To me, tomorrow is just Wednesday. For many, that isn't the case. Throughout the year, Ex-Bf and I have kept in touch, sometimes more frequently than others. It's been a lot more as of late due to his father's medical condition and of course my being single. There have been many times throughout this year that Ex-Bf has professed his seeing of the light and his changed personality. However, one thing remains constant, while I love Ex-Bf and he will always hold a special place in my heart and my life, I am not nor will I ever be in love with him, again.

Last December I found myself with a new temporary job assignment in Lansing, Michigan. I commuted to work for ten months while maintaining my regular caseload as best as I could and occasionally worked overtime. I had the opportunity to financially prosper as well as rekindling relationships with friends while staying mid-state. I returned back to my local office in September not really learning much, but having a new desire to do something. To do something different. I still am looking for different.

My New Years Resolution to myself was to travel. I was finally going to start living my dreams and get out there and do. Relationship free, I wasn't going to let anything stand in my way, no excuses to do what I wanted to do. This was the year that I was going to value my needs, wants and desires. That I am important to myself and I need to validate and recognize. Travel I did. I started the Spring off with my trip to London, England and Europe - Belgium, Holland, Germany, Austria, Italy, Switzerland and France. It was a whirlwind "sample" vacation that wet my whistle and allowed me to travel and meet some fabulous (and a few not so fabulous) people and to learn to be more comfortable with strangers and with myself. August found me on another trip, this time with my mother and son to Grenada and Trinidad. Where disappointment and dishonesty ran rampant, it reinforced my need to trust less. But it was a fabulous multi-generational trip with family that we will never forget. In October my girl friend and I went to the Riviera Maya, Mexico for a quick four night all-inclusive haven. Due to all the international traveling, U.S. traveling was reduced to a minimum. I did spend a few weekends traveling - Cedar Point, OH, Traverse City and even hit the Paw Paw Wine and Harvest Festival. I enjoyed wonderful, lifetime experiences and memories. I hope that this is just the first of many years that I will be traveling internationally although there is still much in the United States that I would like to see and do.

On the home front, last year ended with the remodel of the basement. The kitchen had a minor overhaul with sink, counter tops and flooring as well earlier last year. This year the house didn't need much. I did have the exterior painted as well as adding concrete to extend the driveway to allow for a car to strategically park. I also had the shower surround replaced. While it's disappointing that the value of homes has plummeted not to regain value for potential decades, there has similarly been a decline in taxes yielding an end of the year escrow refund! I'm still loving my house although I long for a second bathroom, always. It's nice to know that I have the comforts of home, employment and family that allow me to live the life I do.

In June I decided to try the dating thing again, six months after the break up with Ex-Bf, traveling, finding myself and enjoying my friends and hobbies. I quickly found myself in a relationship with a very sweet man trying to make the impossible possible. All in all, it just wasn't and I will leave it at that. He holds a special place in my heart. To this day, despite everything, there is something about that man that I can't explain. Something that because of him, I felt and I found. Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe it was me. Maybe I learned how to love again. Learned how to enjoy and be open, to be in a position to want companionship and a partner. And for that, I'm truly blessed to have had the relationship.

I've found myself back in the dating scene, after swearing it off prematurely. Because I do know that I have the capacity to love and to be loved. To want to have someone in my life and to be able to share it with someone. If it happens, it happens. But I also recognize what I don't want and that understanding how to avoid what isn't right or healthy is more important than being in a relationship, ever. I'm not needy or desperate. If and when the time comes, I'm sure that I will be willing to openly embrace it from the other side of my highly guarded walls with my bull dog mascots and armed forces!

In regard to my parenting and my son, our relationship remains a constant force to be reckoned. We have an extremely strong bond and relationship, one that often scares me. One that I worry will affect his ability to be independent, to seek friendships, to learn how to fall and get back up. He is a fabulous youth. He is intelligent, athletic, compassionate and honest. We have gone through several firsts along the pre-adolescent ride and we have survived. We will continue to survive.

Last December seems so long ago. So different. My year journey is coming to a close. I'm thankful for my family and friends. For my health and wellness. I'm thankful for employment and housing. I'm thankful for the things that at this time last year I may have taken for granted but do not any longer due to the declining economy of the United States. I've grown a lot, or maybe it is obtaining more maturity. I've looked inside myself this year and have made changes that I believe have made me a better person.

Happy Holidays everyone, to you and yours. May the Season bring you happiness, health and all that you wish and desire. Bring on the New Year!

Blogging Hiatus

I was reminded this morning how I haven't been blogging. Of course this is something that I am more than well aware. I'm struggling with what to blog and not blog about. There are many things going on, but many things that are probably left best not shared. I knew that my blogging had the potential to offend or hurt others, in an unintentional way. Afterall, it's my journal of my thoughts and I type sometimes quicker than I think.

I can't blog about work. Who knows who may come across it and what ramifications if any there may be. There are huge changes in our office, many that will affect me personally, others not so much directly. It will be interesting to see how things matriculate and if I'll find myself with new and different responsibilities that will fill a void that I've been missing at work for a while now, interest and work.

I question whether or not I should blog about relationships. It's a tough call and I'm clearly no expert in the relationship categories. I find many stories amusing but wonder how others will read them and respond. Maybe what I found entertaining isn't so much to others.

My girl friends tell me to blog. They miss reading what may or may not be happening. Afterall, maybe with my blog, I'll spend less time on the phone and therefore make my son happier! In addition, I actually enjoy blogging. It's an emotional release that I haven't been able to find anywhere else. It's about the equivalent of projectile vomiting (pre-dry heaves) when you are more than intoxicated and you feel so much better after you get sick.

Yeah, blogging is kind of like that...wrapping my arms around the porcelain god praying for it to get better and when I'm done and I rinse my mouth and push back the moistened hair from my damp brow, I actually do feel like I've accomplished something and feel better. A little bit of heaven after intense hell...

Disappointment

Tonight I sit here saddened. Sad that again I have disappointed and let someone down. It almost seems like a common recurrence these days, but I let down the most important person in my life, my son.

It wasn't anything intentional. Maybe I just thought that his quickly approaching twelve, maybe it was time for me to have some of my own time. To allow him to have his own time too. I don't want to be his best friend and playmate forever, but I suppose in my own way, I was separating from him without his consent.

I tucked my son in tonight, hours past his regular bedtime due to the holiday recess and I noticed he was upset. Like me, he has that emotional streak of inability to keep his emotions off his face and sleeve. He of course is more vulnerable due to innocence and lack of guardedness and deepened scars of pain and disappointment that I carry forth.

I hung up the phone immediately and asked him what was wrong. I received his typical "nothing" answer as he quickly burst into long gasping, drawn out sobs. He was able to muster that when he is with me I am "always on the phone!" This of course is not true, but in his mind it is. I tried to explain that I do my best to talk after he is in bed, but sometimes this doesn't happen.

What really matters is what he thinks and he feels. In his world, he's losing his mom, the one rock and salvation he has had for almost twelve years. The person that has put him first before everything. First before everyone. And he doesn't like it one bit.

I can't say that I blame him. Does he need to take the backseat in both homes? It isn't my time to be selfish. Not yet, I still have six more years, right?

My son means more to me than anything and like him, it saddens me to the core that I have disappointed him.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Little Johnny

'Bout time for a post - and what better than a Little Johnny Joke?

Little Johnny Strikes Again!:

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating."

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally,but I wanted you to use the word fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him for his offering.

Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons,but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight. '"

The teacher sat down and cried.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Broken Heart

Tonight when I came home from work I found a note on the kitchen counter and my son bawling at the kitchen table. I had no idea what had happened. He can occasionally be an overly sensitive pre-adolescent so it could have been anything from a failed test to not feeling well to something entirely different.

Then I read the note. "We all don't want to be your Friend From T,T,J,PAA" (and underneath the letters were the names of the friends - written by my son).

My heart sank. A lump welled into my throat. All the insecurities of youth and even adulthood came flooding back to me. Of peer pressure and targeting, of being picked on, of losing best friends you thought would be forever. I tried not to cry. I tried to hold it together for my weepy son, but I couldn't. I can't.

I had even hoped it was a mistake. That the note was intended for someone else. It wasn't wrong of me to wish that, was it? But on the front of the note it said "To XXXXXX". No mistake.

He had no idea why five of his best friends have turned against him. I questioned him about his actions, his behaviors, his words. We talked. We cried. We tried to come up with answers. My son, to my knowledge, has always been an over achiever at everything. He's an excellent student who will be taking the ACT in Feburary (at 11) to test for a special program through the nearby college for 7th and 8th graders, he's been in the gifted and talented program for two years, he's a great sport, he's an excellent athlete, he is kind and courteous and is an all around good kid. Granted, I know I'm his mother, but I've been told this by teachers, friends, acquaintances, etc. so I'm not completely bias; however, he can be somewhat competitive and his own worst critic (like his mother). I wondered if jealousy may have had something to do with it or if somehow my 6th grade son's behavior and attitude was becoming cocky or bullying without my knowledge.

With his permission, I called one of the mother's of the kids to see if her son had said anything about my son's behaviors. She wasn't aware of the note, but did say that her son had said a few things for the past few weeks about my son. She couldn't remember anything specific but along the lines that he is a "Know it all". She would talk to her son and call me back but also thought that maybe my son wasn't being inclusive in his friendships and was being mean.

An hour and a half later and many tears between my son and I, we had processed the note and school in detail. From conversations that we have had to what he may or may not say with his friends. These are some friends he's had since first grade! He denied ridiculing one for not making the honor roll or for another not being athletic. And, I believe him. I can see his competitive side on the basketball court not passing the ball to a worse player if their team was losing but he's not a ball hog. I asked him if it had to do with girls, he said he doesn't like girls as one of the friend's is a girl. He and I were at a loss.

What it boils down to is...kids don't need a reason. Kids can be mean. Kids can be jealous. Kids can target and ridicule others. Often it stems from jealousy but not always. And all it takes is for one to start and others will follow. It's a hard lesson to learn, but unfortunately it doesn't end with just kids.

We talked about his options. The way I see it, he had two. He could either confront his friends about the note (that was mysteriously dropped on his backpack at the end of the day) and ask what he had done, see if he could change things and make amends and be friends or he could act like he never got the note and see how the friends treated him tomorrow. The choice was his.

I offered to go to the school or to see about getting all of the youth together to talk it out. I did advise that my calling T's mom may make things worse as would going to the school. If T told the others that I had called his mom, it would or could potentially make things worse for my son. But in my son's eyes, this was as bad as it could get, although I knew from experience this could only be the beginning. He passed on me going to the school.

T's mom called back and T had told her that my son was exclusive, that he "flirted" with the girl friend and was a ball hog on the basketball court. He also referenced some things from 4th and 5th grade as well. T was actually the one that wrote the letter suggested by the girl and informed to actually write it by the other T. I didn't know that her son wrote the letter, nor did my son. Apparently her son, also sensitive was jealous of my son. Jealous of his athletic ability. Jealous that he felt his best friend was being taken away by my son. Jealous that the girl friend (A) that he liked was being flirted by my son. Motivated by jealousy...her son would be apologizing to mine at school and even offered to do so on the phone but my son, teary eyed said he didn't want to talk to him. He couldn't talk to him. I didn't blame him, I was crying for him too. Crying for him, crying for the hatred and meanness of peers, crying because friendships shouldn't be like this.

I addressed all of T's complaints with my son. He denied all of them. When I asked him if he knew what flirting was, he didn't. He doesn't like A that way. My son, heaven forbid, is like me. Naive. Naive to think that everyone can just get along. Everyone can be friends. Unfortunately it isn't true. Jealousy exists, even amongst best friends. And truth be told, if best friends will do that, are they really best friends?

But in the end, all that matters is that my heart aches for the broken heart of my son. For his first unfairness and targeting of peers. I wish that I could take his pain away. I wish that I could promise it will be better, that they will be friends tomorrow, that this will never happen again.

But, I can't. And that's where it SUCKS. When kissing the hurts and boo-boos no longer takes away the pain of your child. When you can't make all the wrongs right. When you feel like you have disappointed your offspring because you can't make everything better. And that sometimes, when life gives you lemons you need to learn how to make lemonade.

I'm in Love

I really didn't think it would happen this fast. I wasn't looking for love. I wasn't hoping to meet anyone, and then...it happened.

I had a court hearing to attend to this morning and felt compelled to sit in on the next hearing that I had been involved. I was sitting in the jury box near the Guardian Ad Litem and then...he walked into the courtroom.

My breath became shallow. My heart raced and then it felt as if it were melting like butter. I watched him from across the court room. I couldn't take my eyes off him, despite listening intently to the Judge and the actual proceedings of the hearing. I was fascinated by his large, dark brown eyes. Everytime I looked away, I was drawn back for another look.

I didn't care that my watching him was obvious. I smiled. He smiled back. I gave a slight raise of the hand wave and he gave an ever so cute wave back. I could see the glint in his eyes, the eyes of innocence. The smile so pure, so completely mesmerizing.

After the hearing I had to meet him. I had to know who he was. And me in my somewhat shy and cowardly way, walked directly across the courtroom and behind the swinging entrance to the back of the courtroom to meet him.

And if I wasn't completely enamoured with him from across the room, I fell harder than even I thought possible when he said his name. More than anything I wanted to embrace him, to hold him tight against me. To show him love and affection, to take him home with me and make him mine. After his name, I asked him a very important and personal question, I asked him how old he was, at which point he shoved four beautiful little fingers directly in front of my face.

He was brilliant. He was adorable. And despite everything I think, everything rational, I wanted to take him home. According to the foster mother, so does everyone else!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Awkward Ashes

My girlfriend (TS) loves bunnies and rabbits. She had four, unfortunately as of late she only has two. Her second bunny passed away before Thanksgiving entering the gates of fluffy bunny heaven, making room at the house for her new infant son born on 11/25/08.

My plans were to visit my girlfriend and Little One after I attended a few court hearings today. In the midst of getting ready for work TS called me. She asked if I could do her a favor before heading up to visit (also before heading to the court hearing 30 minutes away, in 60 minutes...), so of course I said, "Sure. What do you need?"

TS asked if I could pick up Jake's remains at the animal hospital. She said that they had already been paid for and she would call and let them know I would be in to pick him up shortly.

Excited to be getting out of the office and visiting TS and Little One, I may have appeared a little too happy walking into the animal hospital. A young man, of maybe 20 or so was standing behind the front desk and here's how the awkward conversation went:

Me: "Good Morning. I'm here to pick up Jake for TS."
Him: "Ok." He comes up to the computer and sits down.
Him: "Who are you here for?"
Me: "I'm here to pick up Jake."
Him: "Ok, and why is Jake here?" Awkward...
Me: "He was cremated and I'm here to pick up his remains." DEAD Silence...
Him: (stammering) "Ohhhh, I'mmmm sssssooooorrrrryyyy."

He gets up and walks over to the counter behind him where a little gift bag is sitting with a receipt out of it. He picks the bag up and the conversation continues:

Him: "Are you TS?"
Me: "No." He puts the bag back down.
Me: "No, I'm TS's friend and I'm here to pick up Jake."
Him: shoulders raising and HUGE sigh of relief, "Oh, Ok."

How awkward was that? I couldn't imagine if Jake had been my dear beloved pet. Maybe I was too excited walking in. Or maybe the young man was so enamoured with me and my beauty that he managed to not hear a single word I said. Or maybe the real truth...He is a man - they don't listen.

To continue on in my awkward issues type of way after leaving the animal hospital, I set Jake on the floor of my front passenger seat. Then I was concerned that I wasn't being respectful to Jake or that with a quick stop of the car he would literally go flying around the floor, so I carefully set Jake on the front passenger seat safely wedged between the seat and my purse. The last thing I needed was to explain to TS that I couldn't be responsible with Jake! Fortunately, Jake made it safe and sound to the loving arms of TS who coddled and kissed his remains and laid him to rest with his sister bunny in a beautiful bowl in the baby's room.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Spirit of Giving

For some reason after leaving the court house en route to pick up Starbucks for a co-worker, I decided to take the highway. I was still pondering customer service in society today when I decided I wanted to donate. I'm not sure why, but I was afraid if I didn't do some charitable contribution and soon, it would be a fleeting moment.

A mile up the road I took the turn into the long drive to the animal humane society. Checkbook in hand in the rain, I walked up to the door. I was greeted by a sign that said that they didn't open until noon, another hour. There wasn't a donation box. No mailbox. No call button. There was however an animal drop off door around back.

I walked through the rain and slush of the snow to the back door to be greeted by the same sign. However this one added, "NO EXCEPTIONS."

What was I suppose to do? I wanted to give money. If I got back into the car, I knew that I wouldn't send a check in the mail. It had to be NOW. I knocked repeatedly on the door, to no avail.

Then, I went back to the front door again. Someone walked by the door and I proceeded to knock (err bang) until the lady finally, exasperated came to unlock the door for me. Apparently she didn't feel in the spirit of receiving, but I wasn't giving up on giving. Even with the stench, I stood there waiting for my receipt petting a rambunctious knee high puppy that jumped, chewed and shed on me. And, I liked it. Despite the smell of course.

See, puppies/dogs are truly likely babies for me - as much as I try to convince myself that I don't want or need one and I stay away from them, the truth is that they find a way into my heart, quickly. And, if I could, I would bundle them all up and bring them home!

Customer Service

I think I expect better customer service during the holidays. I'm not sure why exactly. I suppose it's because it's the season of giving, and maybe that means giving good service.

Sadly, I am mistaken. Time and time again, I seem to be confronted by extremely poor customer service. Today was clearly no exception.

I went up to the court house to drop off some paperwork for a co-worker. I have an access key that provides me entrance through the back door, but I decided that I would walk in and go to the counter. I bypassed the security guard/uniformed police officer chatting on the phone and walked around the metal detector. He waved at me, but I think he knew that I wasn't stopping regardless. I believe he likely recognized me, despite my infrequent visits to the court over the past year. Anyway...

There are two service windows at the court. Imagine half of a stop sign - with the door being the top and the windows on the sides. I went to the window on my right. The woman finally addressed me and when I said who I needed to drop the envelope off for she told me to go to the other window. Mind you, there is literally less than ten steps (walking not baby) between the windows! I went to the other window and the girl was chatting away with a co-worker standing behind her. She did not acknowledge me or stop her holiday banter with the man.

Knowing that the envelope wouldn't slide under the window, I used my key card and walked in and handed her the package. She seemed a little flustered since she wasn't ready to acknowledge my existence.

I don't expect to be treated any differently than a "customer". The sad thing, I wasn't.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Christmas Toilet Issues

I could seriously blog all day long about my issues of Christmas. Issues that I had while trying to assemble my 7' artificial tree that I left the lights on from last year to save time. I could blog about the decorations that I haphazardly packed that each year I find more of them chipped and broken. I could blog about the great decorations we made with applesauce and cinnamon and beads that were in pieces this year, but the decorations smelled good. I could blog about how I hate the snow and my driveway since I continuously give my yard a lawn job. But I won't.

What I will blog about is the insanity of Christmas decor. I understand that I am not the easiest person to shop for. I do know this. I am more practical than most and if I want something, I buy it. Enough said.

Every year when I pull out my Christmas things to decorate I am pleasantly reminded of new Christmas gifts. Easiest gifts are Christmas things. Snowmen, ornaments, whatever. I do sometimes even like Christmas, of course these are during my relatively non-bah humbug moments of the holiday - which seem to be less and less each year. Anyway...

Several years ago, maybe more than that but who's counting?, my step-mother (and father) gave me a toilet bowl cover and a hand towel, a Christmas toilet bowl cover and hand towel no less. And each year I forget about it, until it's time to decorate.

Doesn't everyone want and need an LCD lit snowman toilet bowl cover for the holidays?

Seriously...

Google Search

Search engines are absolutely amazing! Having the world at our fingertips to search what we are thinking, questioning or wanting to know - through google, yahoo or any other of the multiple options is clearly new age.

Although, I'm sure that new age is really far more advanced than I am today in my yesterday ways of searching via the internet. But for now, it works.

Last night my son and I had a discussion while washing dishes (sans dish washer) about the "Purple Man". Let me mention that previously we were talking about spoiled milk that he had consumed at his father's house that morning and how nasty it was! Then he proceeded to tell me that the "Purple Man" turned purple from eating expired pancake mix! Seriously?

So in truly pre-adolescent new age fashion, my son told me to, "Google it!". I was pretty sure expired pancake mix wasn't the cause of the man's permanent skin discoloration, but what did I do?

I found myself down at the computer after my son's numerous prompting, Googling, "Purple Man Pancake". Needless to say, I didn't find what I was looking for.

But isn't it amazing that with a few clicks we can do searches for anything? And even more fascinated am I by what some people actually search for. Truly amazed.

Awkward & Best Friend

My son's latest craze of a word, "awkward". Everything is awkward.

My mom is one of my best friends, without any hesitation of the word. Clearly we have our disagreements, as all friends do. My mom is outgoing, even in the most awkward of situations, whereas I am not. My mom will talk to anyone, anywhere.

This week I actually learned of my father's family Christmas party. My parents were married for 21 years and divorced sometime after my senior year in high school, over 15 years ago. Since their divorce, my annual attendance at the family Christmas party has been almost non-existent. I can tell you I've been less than a handful of times, that I do know. I can also say that I've taken my son once to my knowledge, which was several years ago.

Obviously, I am not close with my dad's family. Outside of the annual Christmas party, I have had little contact. Not even the occasional wedding or funeral. And, I feel bad about this. As a teenager I recall talking to one of my much older cousins and saying, "Who is that? Who is that?" Now that my relatives have married, divorced, remarried and added slews of children, I know even less than the few that I did know. And for me...this is the epitome of awkward.

But, I also know that unless I make an effort to reacquaint myself with my father's family, I will never know them, my son will never know them. I've accepted the fact that I will never know which generation of cousins removed they are, but knowing them at all is the first step. Baby steps.

Years ago when I went to the last Christmas Party, when I wasn't hiding in the corner being shy, my relatives that I knew did inquire about my mom. Like almost everyone, they love my mom. And, I wouldn't hesitate to say that love is an over exaggeration. Ok, maybe they don't love her, but there is a general "like" which might even be stronger than love.

So what did I do? I invited my mom (err one of my best friends) to attend the Christmas party with my son and I. My dad and his wife won't be there, nor will my aunt that I talk to via email.

Is that awkward?

***Update - the snow Gods have better plans that will keep us home bound from the 3 hour plus trek across state for the party.

Plain White T's 1234

In High School I had a "best friend" that would always comment about new songs on the radio. She would turn the volume up super loud and 99.9% of the time she would say, "I hate this song now, but I know that I'm going to love it later!"

I always used to think that was really odd. Or maybe she was just really odd. Regardless, I find myself some 20 years later thinking the same things. Is it really about getting old or what comes around goes around?

This morning on my way home from dropping my son off at school I heard the new Plain White T's 1234 song. I have no idea what I think about it. It's along the same lines as The Killers "Are We Human or Are We Dancers?" song. I just feel at a loss. It makes me reminisce about Pink Floyd and all of my friends that found their songs so fascinating when they were high. I just liked them sober, but was I missing out on something?

Let me know what you think about 1234, because all I can think of after hearing it for the first time...a glorified Barney song or a crazed song that may make it big in dance clubs and with tweeners - maybe the new age YMCA song of sorts.

www.6lyrics.com/music/plain_white_t_s/lyrics/1234

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Night on the Town

After my parents left yesterday from their Thanksgiving visit, I had time to go to my girlfriend's house to take her family photo for Christmas cards. Surprisingly JA asked me months ago to take the family picture - why is clearly beyond me, but I was more than happy to help! After jumping, I mean standing, all over their furniture and having a picture removed from the wall, I think JA had a photo worthy of keeping! She did tell me that maybe I should take photography classes to get better handle on taking pictures, maybe she's onto something!

Less than ten minutes after I got home, TS arrived at the house for the remainder of the weekend. It is the first time that TS has ever been to my house, so I was pretty excited. We hit the local bowling alley for some much needed beer and for my usual ass kicking in bowling. Of course she didn't let me down!

We came back to the house to hangout and try to figure out our next plan of action, since it was pretty early. Several other friends joined us at my house and we finally hit the town. I have to say that I seldom go to the bars, especially in "my town".

We ventured out and hit a nearby bar that I hadn't been to in almost a decade. When we walked in there was a side room of the bar and a few people were playing a Wii. After we ordered our first round, the Wii became available and we headed over to give it a try. Four of the five of us were Wii virgins. We had a great time playing bowling and baseball. When we finished the Wii there were actually games in this room as well and we played Trivia Pursuit for Dummies. I have to say, we had a blast. I love playing games and hanging out and I loved the fact that TS didn't even have to go outside to smoke!


We left that bar and headed off to the karaoke bar. Three sang karaoke while two of us opted for pool. Clearly we were all shocked when last call was at 12:45p.m. and we were all pushed out of the bar at 1:00p.m. prompt. The cool thing, a local church in the area offers free rides for you and your car, within a ten mile radius to be sure that everyone gets home safe! They also state, No Tipping. How cool is that?


We left that bar and headed to where everyone seemed to be going next. That bar actually had karaoke too, but about ten minutes after we got there, they were announcing last call! If a bar closes at 2a.m., why is last call at 1:20a.m.? So bizarre. I have to say that I found the elderly man in the cowboy hat that was smitten with dancing with JN almost as amusing as this sign posted on the wall:





With alcoholic munchies we headed to Meijer to pick up some more alcohol and refrigerated (they do exist!) hash browns. What I found in the parking lot left me pondering, what?



We came back to the house and ransacked the food making scrambled eggs and hash browns and eating leftover turkey, fluff and pumpkin pie. After some small convincing that everyone should stay the night, we drank more and played a very close and competitive game of Cranium Wow!




Nothing beats a great evening of good friends, good laughs, good times, good drinks and great memories!

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Black Friday

For the first time in several years, I found myself all snuggled and warm in my bed during the wee morning hours of Black Friday. I had scanned all the black Friday ads the night before, several times in addition to checking out the websites days before.

There just wasn't anything that seemed worthy enough to drag myself out of bed to deal with lines, rude people and missed deals. Nothing that warranted leaving my safe cocoon of blankets and pj's on a blistering cold, yet not snowy morning, to fight the fight.

And I'm not sorry at all.

Mom and I did manage to hit some of the stores by 11:30a.m. There were a few things that I was interested in - a Wii, Wii fitness, Nano Ipod, and a GPS but again nothing that I had to have, especially at 4a.m.! I did manage to get a Wii as well as a GPS; however, I think tomorrow I'm getting the Garmin 750 instead of the Garmin 200 that I purchased. Seeing that my son decided maybe we should get an MP3 player for the cost difference of an IPod that will work in my car, I figured I would be better off getting a GPS with a built in MP3 player. Sounds like a good idea at least.

I didn't have to fight any crowds. I even picked up a few extra things and didn't have to stand in any long lines. At the first store, I patiently waited in line and had my first interaction with rudeness...Why did I go out on Black Friday? I had left enough room between the person in front of me and myself (mind you there were only four people in my line!) and this middle aged woman and her mother kept moving lines looking for the fastest. The mother walked between myself and the customer in front of me to get to the next line. The adult daughter stopped in front of me and asked me if I was in line. What? Seriously.

I politely answered yes, while my not so polite mother snickered. Apparently not to this woman's liking as she made sure she was loud enough to her mother to comment, "I didn't think it was funny. Oh how rude." She made a few more snarky remarks.

Man how I not only love shopping, I love being around strangers shopping for the holiday (Of course that comment was heavily decorated with sarcasm and a large bow on top!)!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Editing

I would have to say that I'm not the biggest fan of editing. I will occasionally proof my own writings, reports or ramblings, but not always. Especially not in my blog. My blog is just something that I slap together my current thoughts, throw it out there and move on.

This week seems to be editing request week. My "homework" the other day for my son was to proofread and edit his essay on the movie, "March of the Penguins". Seeing that he's in the 6th grade, I figured I wasn't the best of people to ask, but due to lack of anyone else in the home, I won by default.

My dad taught English in college for a year or two (possibly more). Maybe I inherited some of his skills, I doubt it though. I enjoy reading and writing, to an extent. In college I took a professional writing class and learned of different writing techniques. Some I use today, other's not so much out of laziness.

I received an email the other day from a "friend" that is applying to law school. Attached to the email was the personal essay and the email requested that I read the essay and offer input, insight and editing. Mind you, it was hard enough bringing myself down to a 6th grade level, but now put myself in the shoes of a law student applicant?

I don't know this person well enough to know how much editing they could handle. When people ask for help or an opinion, do they really want to know it? Or are you suppose to respond with the generic acceptance as you would about someone's new haircut or outfit?

Regardless, that's not me. If someone asks for my opinion or my help, that's what they get. Not always filtered and always pretty blunt and straight-forward. I have tried to tone down my approach, especially for those that I feel are more emotional or unable to handle the entire truth.

So, I found myself editing a personal essay, on Thanksgiving, about someone that I really don't know. Putting myself in their shoes as well as the board who would be reviewing the essay. I did try not to change the essay too much, but offered insight as well as a revised essay with suggestions.

And then I waited. Waited to get an email. Waited to see if the phone would ring. Waited for some acknowledgment of my revisions and suggestions. Waited to see if I offended this person so much that I would never hear back from them. Waited.

This evening I received a call saying that in my email inbox was another draft of the essay. No explanation of what the revisions were or my suggestions had been. But, figured it must not have been too bad since I not only received a call but another draft to read and offer my "emotional" take on the essay.

Here lies the problem. Edit I can do. Proof I can do. Revise I can do. Offer my emotional response to reading an essay, not so easy.

When I opened up the draft, I was slightly surprised that the majority of my editing and suggestions had been taken. Of course there were other changes that I would make to the newly added information, but I did manage to do my best and didn't send a bolded, marked up essay attached to my email response. I sent an email with suggestions and what I felt after I concluded the essay.

Overall though, I'm still not sure what it means that people would ask me for advice on editing!

Thanksgiving

On a happier note, Thanksgiving Day turned out fabulous. The food was beyond delicious and it was all cooked and even still warm!

I felt a little lost in the kitchen since I didn't have much left to do while the turkey was cooking. I watched some of the Detroit Lions massacre and hung out with the family. I decided that my two boxes of Stove Top stuffing wasn't going to be enough to stuff the turkey so I made the stuffing from scratch!

My son raved about the stuffing! He loved it! I have to admit that the turkey was pretty fantastic too, with even the white meat being juicy!

What more can one ask for then being in the company of loved ones sharing a fabulous meal!

Temporary Thanksgiving Tirade

Thanksgiving should be a day of giving thanks. A day for appreciating our family and friends. A day to extend our love for who we are, what we have become and even what we have - tangible and not.

Unfortunately by mid-morning, I found myself in a Thanksgiving tirade. I was distraught after receiving a call that a good friend's father had a "stroke" (later determined to be an aneurysm) and was in the hospital. In lieu of the message and Thanksgiving Day, it seemed only fitting to call my own father to wish him and his wife a happy Thanksgiving.

I wish that it was as easy as that; however, the conversation with my step-mother left me extremely angry. She proceeded to carry on to say that she didn't know what to do with my ailing father. He hadn't taken his medication in sometime, including his insulin in at least a week. She was threatening him by telling him his kids should come down and discuss putting him in a nursing home. She whined about what to do and how she was just frustrated and at a loss. Mind you, every time (did I mention EVERY TIME) I speak with my step-mom, I hear the SAME story?

I have offered suggestions. I have offered support. I have offered nothing and only listened. I don't know what else to do.

So I did something for the first time. I got angry. Very angry. So angry on Thanksgiving Day that I was yelling and screaming expletives, while my parents and son sat in the other room looking shocked and horrified. I had had enough. I was tired of listening to the broken record. Tired of her saying that as a grown man, she shouldn't have to open his pill bottles or make him take his medication.

So let him die. Leave him and let him die or continue to stand by him and watch but clearly don't help. Don't help him to live.

My anger even went so far as to say that as his wife, she made a commitment to help him through sickness and in health. She threw the daughter card at me and said that I wasn't doing enough for him. Absolutely, she was correct! I don't live with him! He is not my husband!

The conversation was ended shortly after with me wishing her a Happy Thanksgiving and giving her my love. My father, apparently par for him, was still in bed and wouldn't be getting out of bed until about 2p.m. Apparently another reason that he doesn't take his morning medication, because she leaves for work at 1p.m. Anyway, I asked her to wish my dad a Happy Thanksgiving as well.

After I hung up the phone, angry and upset I stopped cutting 1/2" bread cubes for my last minute decision to make homemade stuffing and I cried. I cried because I was so upset. Wasn't it suppose to be a Happy Thanksgiving?

Some eight hours later, my dad called me back. He mentioned that maybe he should have answered my call since he was awake. He then proceeded to tell me that it's just too much to take 18 pills at a time. He just gets tired of it all and has to decide which path he wants to take. That it is his choice and his responsibility to take his medication, not his wife's and not his children's.

While this is true for someone who is medically and physically competent, it would not be true for my father. It appeared that his phone call and response to me had been "coached" and rehearsed. For when he said what he needed to, he couldn't answer my questions or follow the conversation and he said he had to go.

It just makes me sad. How so many people choose to live and will do anything to increase their livelihoods and quality of life to no avail while others...

Loud Love

I have created new terminology...Loud Love.

Loud Love should not be confused with overly zealous, expressive, intense forms of intimacy.

My parents both turned 60 this year. My step-dad claims of ailing ears and often speaks extra loud, possibly borderline yelling. My mother has a very boisterous speaking voice. Therefore, when the two of them communicate, it could easily be misconstrued for arguing or disagreeing.

I prefer to term it...Loud Love. It just sounds more endearing...

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Shopping Issues

It's time for me to rant (not in an angry yelling ranting way, but a diatribe way) about my shopping issues. While some of you may not realize this, I do have issues.

And lots of them.

There are some things that I have to have in a certain kind of way. I have to have all of the cupboards shut. I hate when lights are left on in a room, unless it's a soft light or lamp to navigate around the house. I hate when the toilet lid is left up. I hate slow drivers in the fast lane. I could list a million other potentially OCD traits and issues that I have, but I won't, not yet anyway.

I hate shopping. Unless I'm at the grocery store, then I meander in my own merry way racing through my mind of what I have, what I need, what I want and often referencing my grocery list of sorts. I price check between sale items, name brand and off brand. I love numbers. Regardless of the amount of items, by the time I check out, I will recognize or remember every price of every item I purchase. So yes, I am one of those scan law people.

Another thing I can't stand is when people put items back that they don't want in the wrong place. In an effort to purchase more chocolate cool whip, I noticed the stack and grabbed the top one.

For some reason, there were a ton of open register lanes. I also have a thing with bagging my refrigerated items together, freezer items, non-perishables, etc. In an effort that the cashier will bag in a similar fashion, I put the items together on the conveyor belt. Seldom is it bagged the way I would bag.

After I started putting my groceries on the belt, a woman gets in line behind me. I realize that I have a lite cool whip, not chocolate and inform the lady and suggest that she may want to go to another line as I need to exchange the item.

When I got back to my cart, it was empty! Someone thinking they were doing a good thing (likely the lady behind me as the cashier didn't seem motivated enough to tighten her velcro shoes...) had put all of my groceries onto the belt. Mind you, I was not thankful. My groceries, my time, my stuff - did I ask for help?

I have to say I was more than a little annoyed. I wasn't able to watch all of the prices on the monitor as they were being wrung up. I wasn't able to have my groceries attempted to be bagged the way I wanted them.

Did I miss the fact that I was wearing a sign across my forehead saying, "Welcoming your assistance for Good Samaritan Day?"

I did realize that I was overcharged for at least one of my items and I had to rummage through the bag to find it.

I think it comes down to being nice or doing something for self-serving reasons. There is nothing wrong with paying it forward, just be sure that what you plan to do is something that someone would actually want and appreciate. Otherwise, sometimes it's best to be a little patient and let people do things their own way.

'Tis the Season for Shopping...Is it January yet?

Shower Surround Remodel


On Friday, in honor of my birthday(s) present to myself, I had a new shower surround installed. I really do like it! Actually, anything (well almost anything) would have been better than what I had. I know that it could have been worse, but I was tired of the different hardware, the discolored walls and the caulk.


I had a 4" tile, one piece acrylic surround installed. The installation included replacing the tub hardware, switching the new hardware for the existing unreplaced hardware, updating the plumbing lines, switching the lines, raising the shower and shower head, and installing a built in curved shower rod.
I have to admit (yes, I do admit and acknowledge my issues) that I'm not the easiest of customers. If I know what I want, I want it. The tub hardware to be installed in my brass bathroom, was going to be chrome. Mr. Tub asked if that was OK. WHAT? How in the world would that be remotely acceptable? Fortunately for Mr. Tub he had an extra brass drain kit in his truck or else he may have suffered some limb damage.

I remembered to mention to Mr. Tub that the hot and cold water lines were backwards. Mr. Tub didn't want to believe me. I'm pretty sure after nine years, I know if the hot water is backwards (I think). To verify, I made a few calls and proved that it was in fact backwards. Mr. Tub was still leery (afterall I'm just a dumb girl) - why he didn't turn the water on for himself, I'm really not sure. Needless to say, Mr. Tub switched and soldered the lines, and now the lines are...wrong. WHAT? I have no idea how in the world that is possible, but what's another nine years with it being wrong?

I did forget to mention that the shower head was to be raised. How is a girl suppose to remember everything? He raised it a few inches, but nothing too significant.

The walls were sound other than some rotting behind the hardware/faucet wall, which Mr. Tub willingly replaced. He also lowered the downspout to eliminate splashage (what a guy!).

During the process, I occasionally snuck in to take a peek and a picture of the process. Mr. Tub admitted that he is NOT a fan of the 4" tile. Great. He said even with the squeegee that water stays in the grout lines. Too late now.



I have to say I do really like the shower. My biggest complaint...the curved shower curtain rod. I guess I'm not that trendy. My son LOVES it. However, it's chrome. Why in the world would I have purchased a chrome/stainless steel shower curtain rod? After a few phone calls with the salesman, I left it that it was completely unacceptable. Brass or white. Apparently the rod doesn't come in either, hmmm... So Mr. Tub actually went to Menards to find me another shower rod. He came back with some built in two-track contraption in white that I just wasn't fond of. So he put back up the curved one and I'll wait for my straight brass rod replacement. Regardless of the color, I am not a fan of the curved rod. It shows the shower wall. I'm pretty sure it's too late to change my mind now with the drilling holes where they are, so I'll forever show shower wall. Sigh...such is life I suppose.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Healthy Apple Dip

Along the lines of recipes, another of our long-time favorite snack came from a presentation on Healthy Snacks over 10 years ago.

While I do not agree with the comparison, "If you like caramel apple dip, here's a healthy alternative.", it has become a staple snack throughout the years in our home. I do have to admit that when I first heard the recipe, I thought it sounded rather...disgusting.

Apple Dip:
Peanut Butter
Yogurt (Vanilla or any flavor)
Apple Slices

Like the fluff recipe, we switch this up every time as well. The directions call for equal amounts of peanut butter to yogurt. Feel free to experiment if you want it creamier, add more yogurt. My favorite is adding vanilla yogurt, but for variations, add any flavored yogurt.

A healthy simple snack that kids and adults love!

Fluff

My son loves Fluff. Not the traditional pistachio fluff that many have for holidays or Watergate salad as it is often called, you know, the fluffy stuff with marshmallows and/or nuts...

The fluff my son loves, is a quick and easy recipe that I was introduced to about 6 years ago. One that due to my crude directions, is slightly different every time I make it. In addition to the directions, or lack thereof, it's different due to the variety and experimental change. The fluff recipe that I have came from Cindy R. and Weight Watchers.

For the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday I decided that maybe I would try a cranberry fluff. Seeing that I am not a fan of cranberries, I thought adding my favorite - chocolate - would make it pretty yummy. I have to admit that this is one of my favorite fluff concoctions, so far. It reminds me of a melted Wendy's frosty. Or maybe it's because it's not completely fat free! Prior to my cranberry attempts, one of my favorites is raspberry with pineapple, but I've tried a good dozen if not more variations over the years.

Pretty much the recipe is fool proof.

Chocolate Cran-Ras Fluff:
1 pkg. Sugar Free Cranberry Jello (Use any flavor/sugar free or not)
1 pkg. Sugar Free Chocolate Fudge Pudding (Use any flavor/sugar free or not)
1 Cup Raspberries (Use any fruit/frozen or fresh - drain juice)
1 8oz. Chocolate Cool Whip (Use any flavor/fat free or not)

Here's where the crude part comes in, since I think I believed at the time that I did short-hand directions I would actually remember what they meant!

Make the jello and refrigerate. When the jello begins to solidify, beat in the pudding (just the dry package - not prepared jello). Refrigerate. Fold in fruit. Mix in the Cool Whip. DONE.

I've refrigerated longer and shorter and the results do not appear to make much of a difference. Be sure that the jello is starting to thicken before adding the pudding, but short of being jello.

Feel free to explore. From healthier options to not so much. While this can be considered a "salad" or a dessert, clearly by adding the chocolate cool whip it is a dessert.

My son LOVES fluff and he enjoys switching up all of the ingredients for a different treat, every time!

Enjoy!

Wanting & Wishing, Always

Is it too much to want? Too much to want more? More than the standard, more than the obvious? Is it too much to occasionally want to feel wanted? To feel loved? To feel needed?

Maybe it is. Maybe I want that fairy tale feeling (minus the Rapunzel long-hair). The feeling that I'm the only woman in the world, the only woman in the room (Oh wait, I WAS the only woman in the room). All of this regardless of the need to feel independent, and non-needy in an I'm Every Woman type of way.

So when Mr. Date said to me tonight, "'Comon lets go to bed.", as I had fallen fast and hard asleep next to him on the couch, all I could think of was, "Is this all?"

So as I scrambled to my feet with my contacts half glued to my squinty, half-opened eyes, I decided I was leaving. Leaving because I wanted to stay. Leaving because I wanted more. Leaving because more than anything I wanted to feel his warm hand caress my cheek and have him lovingly look at me and tell me how much he wanted me to stay. How much it would mean to him. How much I mean to him (something in person; a non email/im discussion).

And as I grabbed my things to go, hoping for him to say something, ready to go to my car to grab my overnight bag in exchange for the cooking utensils sitting on the table, he said, "Are you sure you don't want to stay?"

What is a girl to do? So I did only what I know best to do. I hugged him, thanked him for the flowers, and with my head held high I walked out the door and didn't let it hit me in the ass on the way out. And then, I sat in my car hoping that he would run out to stop me or that he would call (a girl can DREAM, right?), and with all my stubbornness and pride, I backed out of the parking lot and drove home.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Weather

Last Friday, I had my son rake the yard. While it wasn't as good as I would have done it, it saved me a tremendous amount of time! I came home and raked the remainder part of the yard and put all the leaves down at the curb for removal.

Monday, I came home from work to park on those very same leaves at the curb, newly covered with inches of snow. There was so much snow, that I even started up my newly reassembled snow blower to plow the driveway!

Seriously, I'm not ready for winter! I haven't even put away my fall outdoor decorations that are now covered in snow. I really hope that this early heavy snow isn't a sign for the entire winter season.

If it is, I'm ready to hibernate for the winter now!

Biggest Loser

I am a HUGE Biggest Loser fan. I LOVE the Biggest Loser. It is the only show that I religiously watch on television. Well actually, I think it's the only show I watch.

There are other shows that I sit in zombie-like style staring at the television that my son has on, but not watching.

I wish that I could shed the pounds in the same fashion. I wish that I could shed any pounds! I find the background stories completely inspirational. I am in awe by their motivation, drive and determination. I am also envious that they have 24/7 to devote to making themselves better. I also have guilt by eating during the show and not working out. If they can do it, SO CAN I!

I have to say that tonight I was disappointed by Colleen's departure. I think it was poor game play and strategy for Amy to keep Vicky, but I do get it; however, I think that the house would have been much more harmonious with Vicky gone.

Anyway, I do have to express my one issue with BL...enough with the commercials already! Is it really necessary to drag the show out consistently every week to fill two hours? I'm beginning to lose interest, which I never thought possible.

On an exercise note, last year I bought Jillian's 5-DVD collection of workout videos. I even bought a step, since it was necessary to do some of the videos. I can admit that I only used the step once. But, I LOVE her Cardio Kick Boxing video. It's the only video of hers that I like although I have to admit that I haven't really even watched all of them! So with that being said, I decided that I needed to start pushing myself more and try another one of the videos. Tonight I did the Maximize - Full Frontal video and I have to say that I did better than I had anticipated.

Additionally, during the commercials of the first hour (well five commercials that is) I also did the step. I did over a 1000 (since I managed to lose count a few times), 200 during each commercial break.

Too bad the scale won't reflect anything when I drag by large, well anyway, self onto it!

Babies, Babies, Babies

I'm completely surrounded by babies, or pregnant friends. I can't even count how many women are pregnant, I don't think I have enough fingers and toes! Monday we had a shower for TW, who is due later this month. Another co-worker brought in her beautiful baby girl, not even a month old. Whether I like it or not, babies will be everywhere!


This past weekend LL and her two daughters came for a fabulous visit. LL hadn't been out to visit since I bought my house in 1999! I loved having her and the kids here. Her youngest daughter is now four months old and this was the first time that I met her. She is absolutely fabulous! I love that age; where they are able to smile and laugh and not talk back or talk in babble that you can't understand!


On Saturday another high school girlfriend came over for a few hours. It was great fun just chatting and catching up with each other. The paths that we have taken, the roads that we have veered upon, the lives that we live, the memories we will never forget. DR didn't bring any of her four kids, so it allowed us to have some great and much needed adult time and conversations!

To great friends and memories of past and memories yet to come...

Monday, November 17, 2008

Three Little Pigs

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.
'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.
'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.
'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.

'Pardon me for asking, said the waiter to the third little piggy, 'But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'

The third piggy says, 'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!'

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Scare

Last night I had the discussion about fears and things that scare me. I took the conversation in a direction of things that I don't necessarily like but that I'm not really fearful (or help of dramamine overcome) like spiders, snakes, heights, etc. Apparently I was avoiding the question as it was relating to relationships.

This morning as I locked my house and turned around to walk to my garage, I was completely SCARED.

Completely breathtaking, taken aback, heart pulsating scared for a very brief split second.

Out of my slightly ajar garbage can (due to the long tree branch) scurried a squirrel.

Damn squirrel.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

New Year Challenge

Of course it isn't the New Year so New Years Resolution is far from fitting. It is however, the beginning of my new birth year, so what better time than to start a new challenge for myself?

I've never really been one to diet. I think I know enough about eating healthy (proper nutrition), and exercise to be healthy. But somehow, I seem to always fall short. Short of that weight loss goal.

It could be that I've never fully committed to a program. I can't say that I've ever been on a diet (other than a "see food" diet). I have attempted to do the Richard Simmons Food Mover program many years ago, but even that wasn't really a diet. It was making a conscious effort to record, or move the pieces, your daily food intake . It was acknowledging what you ate, similar to a food journal without the writing/journal part.

I did manage to lose about 30 pounds between exercising and making healthier lifestyle changes. However, now I seem to get into funks. I get to busy with life to exercise or eat right or drink water. I let things slide and it's usually my health and fitness.

On the other side of things, when I do work out, I'm a freak. I push myself extremely hard and want to get the most out of myself and my body. Not to the point of physical exertion, but there are some things in the gym that I could push my self closer to the point of fatigue, but I don't. I'm still having issues with machines not being able to record my pulse or heart rate. I think I've decided that my pulse is too high to record. I'm not sure the highest threshold of machines, but the last recording that mine read was 159 before it couldn't read it any longer.

A couple years ago I set a goal for myself that if I lost 20 pounds I would go to Aruba. I never met that goal. I came within 5 pounds.

Over the past weekend I decided to resurrect my personal goal. I had 18 pounds to lose as of Friday, even Sunday night. As of Tuesday (numb, disconnected and suffering relationship issues) I only have to lose 13 pounds. So since a trip wasn't incentive enough, I incorporated the fact that if Mr. Date and I didn't work out, I wouldn't try the dating thing again until my son was graduated from high school and/or I've decided that I will not meet or date anyone (new) until I've reached my weight loss goal.

The last thing I want to do is to consider dating. I didn't set my goal to be purposely sabotaging to either my weight loss efforts or to my relationship efforts (or lack thereof), it's more just a matter of me focusing on me and making exercise and nutrition a priority, again. I'm clearly not in any position or desire to date.
In my eyes, it's my way of making myself important enough to achieve a goal. Granted this time around, I think I'm going to pursue the help of a personal trainer to actually do it right!

It isn't about another relationship, it's about healing from the hurts and wounds of a relationship and determining how and when to pick up the pieces and what direction to head next. It's about incorporating healthy choices to increase my physical fitness and physique. It's about being the best that I can be. And because right now, I'm still not convinced that maybe I want to turn back around.

Procreation

I'm pretty sure that I do not want to have a baby. Pretty sure.

The ability to be able to determine that you will never be able to procreate again, is huge. I always thought that by some freak of nature or horrible unfortunate happenstance, I wouldn't be able to have a child. Not that I thought that I was invincible at the time so I could be reckless, I just didn't think that I would be given the opportunity to raise another human being. A human being of my flesh, my body, a part of me.

Then as the years have gone by since the birth of my son, the thought has crossed my mind that if I ever did find someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with or have another child with, maybe by some twist of fate, I wouldn't be able to. Maybe it would be a punishment for finally wanting, I would be left barren.

I've been contemplating making the choice to never have the opportunity to know if I could ever conceive another child. It clearly isn't something I take lightly. The thought of never seeing another offspring with my sarcastic sense of humor, dark features, intelligence or lack thereof...maybe it's a good thing. I'm pretty sure I don't want to go back to the sleepless nights or the chance that my child would have medical issues that would leave me struggling if I could parent.

I had the opportunity to meet a 25-year old woman today, who had just given birth to her sixth child prematurely two months ago. It made me think more about the possibility of giving birth. None of her children currently reside with her and the youngest has severe medical issues and is still in the hospital.

I can't say that solidified my choice. Clearly it isn't a choice I have to make today, or even tomorrow. But knowing that whatever I choose, I have the ability and the capacity to care for a child. And right now, I believe I have a choice. If I choose to never be able to have a child, that never is forever. I'm not sure that my pretty sure is pretty sure forever.

Baby Meat

Tonight I celebrated my 34th birthday. To some that may be young. To others maybe they will say 34 years young or others yet will claim not a day over 29. I'm completely OK with the truth. Maybe because as of now, I'm not a day over 34.


Anyway, digressing, JN and I went out to a "new" bistro in town. I happened to drive by the bistro a few months back so I decided maybe we should check it out. In reality, the bistro has been open since January! I met her there after my meeting. We were both very impressed with the bistro and the food.


Our conversation was filled with laughs and entertainment. And...I learned again how truly dumb (err naive, uneducated, or?) I am.


Here's the thing, I ordered veal.







For the past 34 years...I had no idea what veal was! I was especially confused when the waitress asked how I would like my veal prepared, recommending medium rare. What???

Isn't veal like the sister white meat to pork? Maybe it's the ugly step-sister to pork. (Yeah, that's it.)


So seriously, for the first time in my short 34 years, I've learned that veal is...Baby Cow!

I have to say that the food was delicious. But my new confirmation of baby cow led to further discussion:

Cow = Beef
Pig = Pork
Deer = Venison
Lamb = ?

I thought it was veal. Probably because when people say would you like lamb chops or veal chops, I assumed that they were one in the same. Maybe a slightly different shank. So I also learned that lamb is Mutton. In my mind lamb was vuitton.

What in the world is vuitton? Is it French for lamb?

Ok, well my search shows Louis Vuitton, designer. Yeah, not exactly what I had in mind.

The Good Napkins (A Thanksgiving Tale)

My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake).

One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping ''napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?

Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for 'special occasions' (her second mistake).

Now fast forward a few months....It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a 'special occasion' Kotex napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!!

My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. 'But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!!'